17/08/2022
The guy she was dating was perfect for her. The temperament, the compatibility, the passion they share would make them a made-for-each-other couple in the eyes of others. However, just like everybody else, he too had his weaknesses and flaws, which over time became the reason for their breakup, which should not have been the reason and that's because she had a problem in herself and her problem was she was too theoretical about life and relationship.
It's like she walks with a list of red flags and anything that falls under her definition of "red flag," would turn her off, p**s her off, escalating things further for nothing. Sad part, she was always so sure and convinced about being right because she never realized there is a thing called self-fulfilling prophecy that it feels so real.
Problem with her problem is, it's deeply carved from her childhood trauma. It's related to her parents. She grew up in an abusive relationship witnessing domestic violence. During her growing up, she spent all her life searching for answers on how a happy couple should look like, how a perfect partner should look like. She searched for answers in movies, in songs, in books, in her silence and thoughtfulness. In this course, she developed the list of "red flags" and lived by it, so that she would not live the fate of her mother.
After trying out few other relationships, she finally learned there is nothing as such perfect partner and how a self-fulfilling prophecy works and distorts your analysis; how a childhood trauma can hunt you all your life if you don't work on healing. She finally settles with the fact that as long as you are being loved, you are being wanted and you feel the same; as long as you can feel safe, you can be you, laugh and be joyful, you have found your partner. Everything else is secondary.
She sometimes sits in a silence and thinks about the guy. It brings tears in her eyes because the spark was real, the love was true and she was actually happy despite his flaws. She wishes she had never lived by the list, lived so much by the theories.
He was the price she had to pay to make one full circle to understand life.