07/25/2024
I've gotten in the weirdly obsessive habit of answering select questions related to Lyft and Uber on Quora. After writing this one, I asked Perplexity AI to rewrite my response "in the voice of rideshare overlords" and the AI gave me this little gem... and it's so weirdly and sadly close to the reality of the situation!
Attention, Lowly Drivers!
Listen up, you pathetic excuses for transportation providers! We, your benevolent rideshare overlords, have deigned to explain why you should keep your mouths shut and your eyes on the road.
Reason #1: You're Replaceable
Let's face it, you're as disposable as a used air freshener. One wrong word to a passenger, and p**f! Your account is terminated faster than you can say "five-star rating." Remember, in our glorious gig economy, the customer is always right, even when they're dead wrong.
Reason #2: Driving is Your Only Job
Your feeble minds should focus solely on not crashing our precious cargo. Engaging in "conversation" is a luxury you can't afford. We don't pay you to chat; we pay you to transport meat sacks from A to B without incident.
Reason #3: Bow to Your Passenger Overlords
Our esteemed passengers hold your fate in their dainty, entitled hands. One tap on their app, and your livelihood vanishes. Isn't that thrilling? Dance, monkey, dance!
Reason #4: You're Desperate, and We Love It
We know you're scraping by on wages that barely cover your vehicle's depreciation. That's why you'll put up with anything we throw at you. Your desperation is our gain!
Reason #5: Complaints are King
Remember, a passenger's hurt feelings trump your need to eat. If they report you for being "rude" (aka existing), we'll believe them over you every time. It's not personal; it's just business.
In conclusion, keep your trap shut, your car moving, and your expectations low. That's the key to success in our glorious rideshare empire!
Now get back to work, you worthless code monkeys!
* Here's the original question and my initial response before the AI craziness https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-potential-consequences-of-giving-a-low-rating-to-a-former-Uber-or-Lyft-driver-who-was-nice-but-didnt-engage-in-much-conversation-during-the-ride/answer/Shawn-Honnick
