LTTS

I’m not a therapist, I’ve just done a lot of therapy. I demonstrate skills on myself so you can see in real time how to use 'em. No theory, just work.

10/20/2023

Finishing up with part 4 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on what is and isn't antisemitism, shares the perspective of some Jewish folks, and ends with the most important voices in the room: Palestinians in Gaza. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I've collected videos, posts, websites from dozens of Instagram accounts, TikTok accounts, news outlets, non-profits, etc. that have helped inform my understanding of what's going on in Gaza. Palestine must be free.
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10/19/2023

Continuing to talk about it. Part 3 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on white supremacy and the United States’ complicity in the Israeli genocide against Palestinians. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I’ve collected videos, posts, websites from dozens of Instagram accounts, TikTok accounts, news outlets, non-profits, etc. that have helped inform my understanding of what’s going on in Gaza. Palestine must be free.
Link in bio.
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10/19/2023

Gonna keep talking about it. Part 2 of a 4-part series, this episode focuses on propaganda and how to identify misinformation. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I’ve collected videos, posts, websites from dozens of Instagram accounts, TikTok accounts, news outlets, non-profits, etc. that have helped inform my understanding of what’s going on in Gaza. Palestine must be free.
Link in bio.
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10/19/2023

This is a deviation from my normal content, but a genocide warrants it. Part 1 of a 4 part series, this episode focuses on the historical context of Israel’s colonialization of historic Palestine. Rather than me talking about therapy skills (or even talking all that much period), I’ve collected videos, posts, websites from dozens of Instagram accounts, TikTok accounts, news outlets, non-profits, etc. that have helped inform my understanding of what’s going on in Gaza. Palestine must be free.
Link in bio.
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10/19/2023

From .jpg

08/29/2023

Ep 38 is up! This s**t ain't easy folks! During this episode, I’m pretty annoyed at the experience of doing therapy and I’m not shy about showing it. So I observe and describe what it feels like to do exposure therapy. In listening back to the main recording, I have an epiphany: part of what makes exposure so painful is that I’m judging my own thoughts as I’m having them. And like a bull in a China shop, I wreak a lot of havoc on myself without meaning to. Join me as I peel back the layers of my judgements.
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07/18/2023

Episode 37 is up and it’s post-exposure processing time while climbing stairs! After doing exposure to traumatic invalidation, I know enough to know that I need to practice acceptance to something, but I’m not sure what that something is. It takes some venting and meandering to home in on the facts – which include my feelings. I also come up with a coping thought to use in the future.
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04/08/2023

Episode 36 is up! I’m observing some surprising behavior from a couple former partners and feeling absolutely ill over it. I practice some observe and describe to figure out what I’m feeling, chat with my wise mind a bit, and ultimately practice opposite action to the guilt that comes up when I’m communicating boundaries.
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04/04/2023

Wanna hear what intellectualizing emotions sounds like? The recording featured in the middle of this episode has a bunch of that. As part of my exposure therapy homework, I'm doing exposure to job hunting and intellectualizing the s**t out of my feelings of hopelessness and despair. It's not effective. However, I do end the episode by trying out a new skill: Mindfulness of Current Emotions, specifically riding the wave. And whoda thunk, it's ACTUALLY effective!
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04/02/2023

Episode 34 is up! A few episodes ago, I was dealing with anger about my autism diagnosis. This episode, it’s time for sadness! I’m hoping right on the “it’s hopeless” thought train, heading for a cliff, so I reign myself in with the Distract Distress Tolerance skill, specifically using comparisons. I also talk about using diary cards and competency tiers to remind me of where I’m skillful.
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03/29/2023

Episode 33 is up!! After a fairly lengthy break, I dig into one of the skills that helps build a life that's worth living in the long-term: identifying my values. And I hate doing it. Ergo why it's this week's exposure therapy assignment. I go through a couple questions designed to help me imagine what my life might look like when I'm acting from my values. I grumble about it, but I do it anyway.
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12/20/2022

Episode 32 is up!! Fresh off my autism assessment and with official diagnosis in tow, I’m angry as hell. I have a ton of anger come up over past invalidation from my parents, and walk through the pros and cons of telling them and not telling them. I also take a step back and observe and describe how my anger feels in my body, and I practice nonjudgement towards my parents.
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12/10/2022

Episode 31 is posted! Six weeks into exposure therapy and I’m feeling INCREDIBLY low. I know enough to know judging myself isn't going to help, so I bring out the big guns: the validation skill. Self-validation freaks me the f**k out, so only after doing a bunch of distress tolerance was I able to practice the validation skill on myself re: feeling isolated, angry, abandoned, and hopeless.
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-pe **t

12/05/2022

Episode 30 is up! We dive into another therapy session with my therapist during my 6th week of doing exposure to traumatic invalidation. I process a lot of feelings including sadness, rage, and isolation. And my therapist points out how I use non-judgment to invalidate myself.
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-pe **t

11/21/2022

Episode 29 is posted and I have my first guest!! My sister Ruth joins me to talk about why we get so annoyed when a skill actually works to help us regulate and/or be more effective. We practice some observe and describe with each other, and rant about the Puritans and capitalism. As one does.
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11/20/2022

Episode 28 is up!! This episode features the first time I’m including a therapy session! I share my 5th week of doing exposure to traumatic invalidation. Listen as my therapist and I go over my homework from the previous week, dive deep into a memory of invalidation, and then process what came up for me. The big skills I practice are observing and describing, and we get some tears in there too.
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-pe **t

11/07/2022

Episode 27 is up! Four weeks into exposure therapy and I’m feeling pretty low. So given that I’m doing exposure to traumatic invalidation, I try my hand at practicing self-validation. I go over what validation is (and isn’t), and then practice validation step-by-step.
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-validation -pe **t

10/24/2022

Wow, a second episode in under a week! While doing this week’s exposure assignment (reading my parents’ prayer newsletters), I have a ton of disgust come up. I feel nauseated and generally ill as I practice radical acceptance to all the body sensations, emotions, and thoughts that come up. It's a roller coaster of judgements, stomach gurgles, and a fair amount of repetition. Acceptance isn’t a one-and-done proposition, so this is a long one.
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10/19/2022

New episode is up! Huffing & puffing on the stairs brings up some pretty intense concerns around invalidation: notably potential invalidation around an autism diagnosis and potential invalidation from my dad. I start off doing some mindfulness of current thoughts and then meander into identifying what I need to practice accepting. Spoiler: my feelings about being invalidated are part of what I need to practice accepting.
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08/03/2022

Episode 22 is up! We've got some strong self-destruction urges going on in this episode. My old behavioral patterns of self-harm and dissociated s*x are screaming for attention and emotion mind is angling for the steering wheel. What's a human to do? We dig out some wise mind and practice some visualization exercises. And we also practice the f**k out of nonjudgement cause I am determined not to go into a shame spiral.
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07/19/2022

Episode 21 is live! After a rescheduled therapy session is cancelled, I have a very hard day. I have all kinds of thoughts about not being able to get the help I need, and spiral pretty intensely into despair. I practice observing (and describing, cause hey, it's a podcast), and mindfulness to current thoughts. And I judge the f**k out of myself until I understand that my feelings and thoughts are part of the facts of the situation!
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06/21/2022

Episode #20 is up! Fresh off a 3-month break, I jump right into feeling like absolute s**t. I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and have no idea what the deal is. I practice observing and describing my body sensations and my thoughts, and share what I've learned re: the impact of being invalidated. Oh and I get super judgmental too, so I practice some non-judgement and a bit of self-validation as well.
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03/16/2022

Normally, I use a lot of skills to keep the metaphorical glass of water from falling off the table. This episode, I practice a skill so I can catch the glass of water before it crashes to the ground. Turning the Mind is annoyingly simple and annoyingly effective. It takes me a while to observe where I'm at, AND once I've done that, the rest happens annoyingly fast. I'm generally annoyed.
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03/01/2022

Pictures from Episode 18
Image 1: my pile of kleenex with my hand for scale
Image 2: me doing willing hands
Image 3: wagon wheel ruts in Guernsey State Park (courtesy of )
Image 4: the extremely painful blister I got on a 20-mile bike

03/01/2022

I THINK this will be my last episode about the breakup for a good long while. After a 2-hour long phone call with my former partner, I practice the Mindfulness to Current Thoughts skill and create a mountain of Kleenex. I sit with a lot of thoughts that bring up deep sadness, and while I start off pretty despondent and despairing, I don't stay there, ending on a hopeful note.
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02/22/2022

Episode 17 is up! And folks, I finally did it - I finally got around to feeling angry about my breakup. My former partner dropped off the last of my stuff and I process ALL the feelings. Well, really, just two: sadness & SO MUCH anger. There's some blame, there's some judgement, there's so much crying. It's shocking, I know, but I end up practicing acceptance too. Go figure.
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02/16/2022

We made it! The final part of my trauma anniversary trilogy. I describe how the anniversaries feel in my body (including my self-harm urges), read a couple old Facebook posts that double as journal entries, and then get into the meat: acceptance. Acceptance of how my trauma anniversaries have gone so far, and acceptance of my judgements about it. Oh and I'm super annoyed about it too.
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02/13/2022

Trigger warning: self-harm
The pros and cons grid I mentioned in Episode 15. Slide 1 is generic, Slide 2 is my version for my self-harm urges. The green squares help me avoid acting on the urge. The white squares validate why I want to act on the urge.
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02/13/2022

Episode 15 is up! Here's some more traumaversary content for you! I've got some serious librarian voice going on this episode, recording while recovering from a cold. I use the Pros and Cons skill to address my self-harm urges. But this isn't your mother's pros & cons list - listen to learn more!
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Address

Seattle, WA

Website

http://therapize.joygerhard.com/

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