Jim’s Step Foward

10/18/2024

10/15/2024

I have been asking myself what might happen if people sat down and discussed all areas of contention and took responsibility for their actions. I know I’d certainly like it. I might even pull back on some of my social media posts if compromise and equitable treatment was included in the agreement.

I know some people and even I admit my faults as I discover them and am actively work to improve on it.

Last post of today. Hopefully any adults experiencing this can act like they’re understanding and flexible or can at least admit they play a role in the dysfunction. I know in my case I’m sure im part of the problem.

10/13/2024

Thanks to all the people who care. I’ll create more content soon. Good night.

10/12/2024

More poems to share, but I worked today. Stay tuned. I’m figuring something out. Good night.

10/11/2024

More posts to come. I’m working on them now. Please have a good night and be well.

And to anyone out there that knows of me or knows me please straighten everything out. I’m becoming more hopeless and bitter everytime something happens that I said no more to. Please fix everything.

10/11/2024

Again, thanks to anyone who cares. I appreciate it.

10/11/2024

Anyone close to me (the one or two I know are) knows I like science fiction and fantasy. I liked Star Trek TNG etc. I am embarrassed to say so because I don’t want to be labeled a geek, but I am I guess.

Anyway, there was an episode tonight where Worf invented a test for an ensign that included blindfolded the ensign and then he proceeded to battle the ensign. Eventually she became tired of the unfair test and spoke up. Worf agreed and he proceeded to tell her to not tolerate unfair tests.

My point is I’m bitter because I gave so much to help people and they’re treating me like crap.

I ask for a fair game and for me to be treated like I matter.

Be well.

10/10/2024

I hope all is well. I erased a post about my feelings but I don’t want to invalidate others who may just be helping.

But I’m bitter about the double standards and I’m very unhappy about the sabotage. Please stop doing that and let me have equal access just like everyone else has. I honestly don’t want to be hyper reactive but please stop treating me like this. It’s very hurtful and unnecessary. I want to enjoy my life and unfortunately it includes stuff people don’t want me to have in my life. There’s so many opportunities to actually help me besides that.

All best and I hope everyone is well.

10/10/2024

Journey

I’ve been doing a lot to try to improve my life and to improve myself. I had a decent day today but I kind of hide a couple things that I feel. To be honest I’m extremely bitter and feel like there’s a double standard on dating. I’m constantly let down and expected to perform miracles but I can’t. I’m trying to do well but others have no problem “dating.” Their dates go as I’ve expected, while mine are constantly sabotaged and I’m kept from meeting some people. And I have to be honest in that i can’t keep acting like I’m ok when im dying inside because of what I’m put through.

I hope anyone that is apart of this reads this and spreads that as truth. It’s time the rumors end and people know what happened in that the fault isn’t necessarily me. At all. I shouldn’t have to put the 200% effort I’m putting in. I’m trying hard to not be negative but it’s time I’m treated like I matter. It’s time.

10/08/2024

I’m appreciative of any support I receive. Thank you.

10/08/2024

Journey to Sobriety and Self Love

It occurred to me that sometimes I gloss over the destruction drugs can create. It ruins lives, tear’s families apart and kills so many people.

So let me say I’ve been lucky. I wish I never picked up that first hit. If treatments work for you please take the opportunity to create a new you. I’m in a very different head space right now because of my childhood and adult really bad experiences.

This is why my story can help. I hope one day to tell my story and maybe help even one person. We need to change the system. Hopefully one person at a time.

Please be well and be safe.

10/06/2024

Journey

Sorry I haven’t posted in a couple days but I was dealing with some issues and I was a guest co host of a live with Dr. Berry, a psychologist on TikTok. She’s an inspiration to me and I had a good time and hopefully the material helped someone.

It’s been a difficult weekend but I’m hanging in there. I totally support anyone trying to be sober, but boredom is definitely something we deal with on a daily basis. Please hang in there.

Be well.

10/04/2024

Please join me on a live Dr Berry, a psychologist on TikTok has invited me to join her to speak on drug treatment, stigma, trauma and other topics.

It’s Friday, October 4, at 7 pm cst. My user name is brattiboicreatives and hers is Dr. Berry. Again it’s on TikTok.

10/02/2024

Journey

I’ve been dealing with an issue so I’m late in posting. I don’t have much to say today. I’m extremely bitter and about ready to ask for that list I asked for. I’m letting too many people run my life and that’s something I need to work on.

09/24/2024

Journey

I've made some progress with starting to get serious about my art and content creation. I've been busy creating a schedule and ideas for videos.

I need to start meeting people and having fun. I go to meetings and I am on top of my healthcare needs. It's been a long day and its close to bedtime.

Be well and I hope you're healthy and happy. More to come. Ty for reading.

09/24/2024

Gratitude

I’m grateful for any assistance provided to me, I appreciate the people who cared and I hope to build my friend network.

09/24/2024

Journey

Today is so so. I’m doing alright but my self doubt has once again reared its ugly head. I feel like nobody cares but my mind is playing tricks on me. I am sure some people don’t like me but my hope is everyone understands they played a part in creating the dynamics that played out over the years.

I’m still feeling ok with myself and I hope people look back and understand it’s how I was treated and a huge part was my self esteem. I’ve worked hard on it and am now focusing on my mental health and getting better.

I am willing to continue to work hard (hopefully with help). I don’t even need an apology. I just need inclusion with people who can reciprocate interest.

09/24/2024

Journey

I honestly don’t understand what I’m expected to do anymore! Basically I had an epiphany today that the best thing is to do me. I’ll do my best to be the best version of myself that I’m capable of being.

Other than that I’m unsure of what’s going on and I’m incapable of knowing if I’m doing the right thing. I’ve been through hell and back and I honestly don’t expect anything from anyone except that I would like people to take responsibility for their actions that affected me.

I remember the good times and I want them back. I think everyone has so many assumptions about who I am that just aren’t right or if they’re accurate I hope everyone will understand and approach me like I’m human.

I’m still unsure what to do so I’m going to do what’s best for me. You can come to me like I’m human with any complaints. You saw who I am over the years and if anyone wants I’m still open to California.

And I am totally aware nobody is in love with me. That’ll come with time.

09/23/2024

Journey

I am beginning to look in the mirror and I’m seeing a cute guy looking back. Nothing like I believed all these years. It’s thanks to them (aka they).

09/23/2024

Journey

I’m trying. I am very afraid of abandonment. I’m sorry for what I cause on my side of the street.

09/23/2024

Journey

TLDR: Thank you for supporting me, but look in the mirror.

I just woke up to some horrible revelations. I’m now wondering if anyone is truly on my side. People are expecting perfection and applying a double standard.

People don’t understand they are believing the side that had a consistent game of phone. They have untethered run of the gossip train. They are buying into lies. They seem to believe whatever is said instead of sitting down and comparing notes and asking for the other side. I won’t go into it further except to say I’m going to try to stop responding but it’s hard.

One thing that I do know is I’m not starting over again. I’m proud of the content I put out and hope to make it more often. I want to make a difference and have fun.

You do make a difference. It’s because of everyone that I have progressed. So thank you.

09/22/2024

It dawned on me that you all don’t know everything about me. Stay tuned and I’ll tell more about my experiences and what I’m about. I won’t use real names.

Ty everyone. Good night.

09/22/2024

Today isn’t a good day. Good night everyone. I’m tired and need to distract myself. You can also check me out on TikTok.

Brattiboicreatives

09/22/2024

You know what? I wish my long term memory was bad because I remember every single thing I’ve been through with tremendous accuracy. But I will not let it ruin anymore opportunities.

09/22/2024

Elyse is a well known creator on TikTok and here, and her content is amazing.

But today she eloquently explained how she hated the way she looks in photos. She went on to say how much she regrets wasting time worrying about it and how she didn’t want her son to have that trait.

She is right. But then she said looks are the least important part of a person. I kind of agree but I hope someone who might be like me can gather hope when I say I am like Elyse. But finding out I’m attractive was a huge help in my life. I hated myself for so long it was nice to know someone finds me attractive.

Some people are so adamant about telling people looks don’t matter but then I flirt with guys out of my league and barely get anywhere. And people then make it worse by saying I am too picky. Does anyone see a double standard there?

I am not saying nothing else is important about someone (I’m truly not) but I heard I was smart much of my life and I had a great personality (which I don’t) and for years people perpetuated the distorted perception of my self image.

I hope this helps someone. I just know my self esteem is down now and I just wanted to say you matter. Regardless of looks you matter.