Life And Beth

07/04/2024

I’ve been thinking about puppets.
I know.
But hear me out.

I hear people say
It doesn’t matter.
They’re both just puppets.
Someone else is pulling the strings.
Is this true?
Maybe.
Is that someone
An organized force
Or a shadowy whisper filled dimension?
Is there maybe more than one larger force?
Maybe.

So many questions.
And I’m a recovering know it all.
So I do try to love the question.

But here’s something I know for sure.
Viscerally.
Not a thought, not an opinion.
The puppet master may pull the strings
But the puppet affects the puppet master.

I experienced this in a literal way
In my You… But Funnier Masterclass.
I had a young talented, inspired ventriloquist in the group.
In the first two sessions
They made progress, but were struggling with one puppet.
I’d seen some reels they’d done with a different one.
And encouraged them to bring in
And work on stage with
This alternate puppet.
They did.
And everything shifted.
Almost miraculously.
The puppet changed the puppet master.
Right in front of our eyes.

Quantum physics also teaches us that
The observer changes the observed.
It’s an infinity loop of energetic exchange.
You reading this changes me.

So if believing that
They are puppets
Is keeping you from engaging
Please don’t let it.

And closer to home
If the state of our industry
Our industries - film books/tv etc
Feels like it controls you
If the way things are
Makes you feel like you are a puppet of the system
Be a different puppet.
It will change the puppet master.

Everything changes
And more so
Everything changes everything.
This knowledge is the true freedom.

Infinitely Yours,
Beth

Subscribe on substack link in comments.

06/12/2024

This week in my Infinite Creator group
One of my wonderful clients
Was big smile breathing.
A sigh of relief.
Questions about her book
Had been answered.
Her doubts were allayed.

Hearing that both these things happened
Questions answered
Doubts allayed
I was struck by
The fact that
Are closely related.
But not the same thing.
Questions and doubts are both part of uncertainty.
But they serve different functions.
Questions help us solve problems.
Doubts help us resolve emotions.

As a recovering know it all
I’m often reminding myself
Love the question.
But when there are too many questions
It’s hard to love them.
And when there are too many questions
They seem to trigger doubt.

Doubts are emotional.
You can have them soothed.
Or allayed.
Or you can be re/assured.
But you can’t have your doubts answered.

Answered questions
Can diminish doubts.
But quelled doubts
Don’t necessarily answer questions.

If you are reading this with a burning need for help.
Stop for a second right now
And try to locate your uncertainty.
Is it questions?
If it is questions can you articulate them?
Are there any questions you can answer?
Are there any questions you can find resources to answer?
Can you love any of the remaining questions?
Now locate your uncertainty again.
Is it doubt?
Can you name the doubt?
That’s a kind of shining a light on the fear.
If so, does that help?
If not can you think of anyone who can quell the doubts?
Managers, coaches, editors, BFFs, therapists etc.
I do creativity coaching if you need a bigger team.
Do you have any practices that quell doubts?
Can you re/mind yourself of all the things?
Be you everyone else is taken.
It’s a messy first draft.
It’s never too late to be what you might have been, unless what you might have been was an ingenue.
Etc…
Can you put aside your doubts and work anyway?
Less is always being revealed.

The word doubt
Comes from a French word - dote
Meaning fear, dread, doubt.
So use everything you know
About dealing with fear
To deal with doubt.
Everything you know.
Meaning love.
And especially self love.
I know.
Easier said than done.
Especially self-love without self-obsession or self-centeredness.

And here’s the thing.
That French word comes from a Latin word
Related to the word dubious.
Uncertain.
And it’s root is duo.
Two.
Of two minds.
Uncertainty comes from a split.
Of two minds.

Can you use one mind
To answer the other mind?
Can it be a conversation?
Or can you locate which of the two minds is yours?
And which of the minds
Is some uninvited else
Taking up space in your consciousness
Without paying rent.

All this work is key.
Being of one mind
Is what the world needs.
Makes you more effective in your creative work.
And it’s the opposite of being under one thumb.

As the song says
Free your mind.
The rest will follow,

Hope that helps.
If you have questions I can help you answer give a holler.

Infinitely Yours

xx
B

05/21/2024

This is me in the podcast world currently!

Naming it and claiming it

05/21/2024

Do you prefer listening than reading? My latest Infinite Creator podcast.

Naming it and claiming it

05/06/2024

Distraction is dis+traction.

Traction is what every creator wants.
How we love the feeling that something is getting traction.
Sticky.
It’s the thrill of a creative lifetime.
(Traction is related to but not exactly the same as momentum.
I wrote about momentum here.)

Dis/traction.
It’s the small, noisy, shiny stuff
That pulls you away from creating traction
With that big amazing project you are working on.

But traction itself is a word that means pulling.
Tractors…. pull!

Originally traction meant
The pulling of a dislocated limb to reposition it.
;)

So, if traction is pulling -
Pulling in an audience -
Dis/traction is literally
A pulling away from pulling.
No wonder it feels confusing.

And here’s the thing.
As a creative person.
You have to be curious.
Curiosity is the number one requirement
For the creative life.

How would it look if…
What if that character…
How about a book where….
Maybe this is funny…
I wonder how x changed me…
The creative life is a life of questions.
Of curiosity.
Curiosity is connected to care and cure.
Healing words.
To heal, to whole.
To center.
The opposite of being pulled away.
And only you know.
Are you feeding the spark
Or extinguishing it?

And of course
With our curiosity so at the ready
We click.
We scroll.
We subscribe.
We ask in a million ways.
And the opportunities are endless.

And we all walk that fine line
Between nurturing our creativity
And being distracted.

And we have or shortening attention spans to fight.
That pull to check your phone.
The craving to skip away from discomfort.
I almost called it desire.


My understanding is that in Buddhism, the 8 fold path
(hello infinite creators. 8 = ∞)
Concludes with right concentration.
Lots of wisdom about meditation in there.
And yes meditation is a great tool for creatives.
I practice Vedic meditation.
The logical extension of my asana practice.
It happens to be the practice that transcendental meditation was built on.
And among its many benefits
Is a more finally tuned ability to focus.
Happy to direct you to teachers.
That link is my teacher’s teacher.

But I also want to propose
You explore a way of thinking about right concentration
That I call right distraction.
As you are working
Staying open enough to the world
That ideas, inspiration, beauty, wisdom, hilarity, tragedy, news
Can find and fuel you and your work.

Seeking traction
Through right focus
Is not the same as rigidity.

One of the main things meditation teaches:
Our minds wander.
And we gently come back to our mantra.

By extension if we drift away from our practice
We gently come back to it.

And by further extension
If we stray from our creative work
We turn back to it.
We re-turn.
We turn off the phone.

Use distraction wisely.
Noticing at what point you run.
And returning easily.

If this post has been your distraction
I hope it was a useful one!

04/24/2024

I’ve been strength training.
Wut? Me? The yoga devotee? Why?
I was desperate that’s why.
We only change
Or at least mostly change
When the choice
Is between change or pain.

But I was persistently failing at finding the hours it would take
To get to fitness with an asana practice.
I’ve done it before.
When I had time.
So much more time.
(PS I saw that they found a time particle this week.
In a reel on Insta.
Now I can’t find it
Although it seems like it should def be a headline.
And I don’t have time
To find the time particle article!)

Anyway I’d joined a gym.
But the logistics and boringness
And lack of results ruled that out.
So I quit the gym.

And there’s a lot
That walking breaks can give you.
Fresh air.
Connection with the neighborhood.
Coffee from the best coffee place.
Tree love.
The book box.
Lymph health.
A nice check-in call.
And a writer’s walk
Where I describe what I’m seeing.
Like two identical flowers: twins etc.
It can shake loose my brain.
But none of that is rigorous physical fitness.
And my favorite jacket was getting tight.
Like I said.
Desperate.

And then
Maybe six months ago.
We found a flyer at our door.
I went to throw it away
Mitch said you should keep it
You might want it.
He tends to be a keeper.
I tend to be a tosser.
But he can be very intuitively brilliant.
So I did keep it.

And one day in a fit of December desperation - too much sitting!!!! -
I pulled out the flyer.
Workouts for busy people!
That’s me.
I called this guy.
He was super soft sell
In that way that people who know they have the goods can be.
I could try one workout and see.
Sure.
Like my discovery calls.
Talk to me once to see if you want to talk to me lots.

And the main thing was
He said I could work out once a week for 20 minutes.
To get fit?
Yes.
Of course every body is different.
And actual weight loss has to do with food.
But he could help with that too.
I couldn’t resist.
Plus I could walk to this gym.

It’s been a few months.
I’m feeling better.
I can see a difference.
Slowly but surely.
And my jacket does fit better.

There’s so much science to this workout.
I can barely understand it let alone explain it.
The only part of science I get
Is the super esoteric particle physics.
Which is what sucked me into that time particle thing.

Anyway that’s all context.
Here’s the thing
I learned in my last workout
It feels super helpful
For our purposes here.

A few of the machines seemed like
They were giving me a headache.
That sounded crazy to me though
So I didn’t mention it.
But it kept happening.
So I finally did say something.
Oh yes, Chad nodded.
Headaches.
That’s a thing.
Oh!
It’s always nice to know you’re not crazy.

His suggestion?
Take the energy that’s accumulating in your head
The ‘head ache’
And move that energy
Into the muscles you’re working out.
He explained it in more sciencey way.
But essentially
The headache is energy
Running from the experience of effort/pain.

Try staying with the feeling
In the muscles that are working.
Oh.
Wait - I thought this wasn't yoga.
Or writing.
Stay with it.
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Don’t run.
Don’t toss.
Don’t try to escape.

So.
I was pulling a billion pounds down
And then resisting the release up.
And I didn’t run from the feeling.
It required intense focus.
But it worked.
No headache.
Woah.

That’s part of what I love about this workout.
The focus.
You are working to get to muscle failure.
And you have to focus to work that hard.
You have to actually put your phone away.

Plus just the idea that you are working
To get to muscle failure.
How much do I love the practice
Of having to fail to succeed.
Or more correctly -
A practice where failing is succeeding.
As a creative person
This is a genius practice.

More on that another time.
For today
The huge idea
About training energy to move
Towards the discomfort.

As creators
We can think about that as the unknown.
Every sh*tty first draft.
Every time you get on stage with new material.
Moving towards the rewrite and knowing you have to kill your darlings.
Getting your dream part with an intimidating director.
Learning to sing when you’ve been told you can’t.
Etc etc.
There are a million creative situations
That cause your
Your attention/focus/energy to want to run.

Your task is to notice.
And gently guide that energy back in.
Welcome it
Into the discomfort.

One suggestion.
This is a great tool
For finding your next project.
The project where the emotional energy is.
The one that has pain
You are running from.
(I’ll cover many other techniques for deciding on projects
In my Pick Your Next Project Bootcamp
May 4 on Zoom.)

Finally.
You are probably familiar with the equation
Pain + time = comedy.
It’s true.
Small pain. Less time.
Big pain. More time.
That’s why we have the phrase too soon.
It means not enough time has passed.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could just
Create those time particles instead of waiting?!

And I notice as I’m writing about pain that
Pain + C = Panic.
Let C = Claustrophobia.
Too close.
Can’t breathe.

But if you can pause
And breathe into it
Like I did with the head pain
And let the place that’s doing the work
Draw the energy back in:
The delts in my workout
Or your heart with creativity.
So much growth is possible.

And creatvity.
We think of it as making things.
But it comes from a word meaning to grow.
And the way to grow
Is to put the energy into the place where the effort is.
Where it might hurt.
Growing pains.

Oh and PS.
Doing this workout led me back to my yoga mat.
Without having to depend on yoga for all my fitness needs
I was free to love yoga
For what the practice is so brilliantly designed for.
An intimate experience of union.
Body/mind
Body/spirit
Movement/breath
Front/back
Etc/etc.

It takes courage to focus on where it hurts.
I’m cheering you one from here.

For now.
And infinitely yours,
xo Beth Lapides

04/02/2024

Do you want to write more? More authentically? This one's for you! Link in comments.

03/18/2024

It’s A Lot. This Friday! El Cid on Sunset my work in progress about our world in progress. Last show in this mini run in see me live and in non virtual non artificial life. Ticket link in comments 💫

03/13/2024

I watched Dune this week
And it reminded me of reading it.
One of the most life changing books.
In such a weird way.

I was a cigarette smoker for a bit.
But I knew it was bad for me.
And I wanted to quit.
So I decided to read Dune.
That was my whole quitting smoking strategy.

I don’t remember why I chose Dune.
Or how I’d acquired it.
I’m not a huge science fiction reader.
Gift? Used book store? The groovy typeface?
Anyway I got into my loft bed with it.
I never smoked in bed so it was a safe zone.
I started reading.
And when I was hungry
Or thirsty
I’d butterfly it
And walk the few blocks and get a fresh carrot juice.
Which did perfectly match the cover.

I’ve been very grateful to Dune for helping me quit.
And I’ve always remembered three things about it.
1. The way the witchy sorceress goddess character used voice control.
Made me want to learn vocal technique.
2. Spice. An addictive substance that controlled the universe.
Prophetic. And helped with the quitting smoking.
3. And the idea that fear is the mind killer.

It’s the last one I really want to talk about today.
Because people have been wanting to talk to me
About the annoying voice in their head that asks
Why me?
As in why should I write the script.
The book.
The why me of who do I think I am.
One person described it to me
As what happens when she gets close to the brass ring.
Others when they are starting out.
Why me?

Why me is completely fear based.
And facing the fear is so key to creativity.
Courage.
Why me even sounds like whining.

Part of the fear is a defense against changing.
If you do this project you will have to change.
Are you sure you are up for that?
So instead of saying
I’m not prepared to change
Which let’s face it does sound kind of cowardly
We ask why me.
Which sounds kind of humble.

Also what if I’m wrong.
What if I just think it’s me.
And it’s not.
So, ego.
Wanting to be right.
Fear of not being right.

And under it
Knowing how great it is to get to do creative work.
Why you?
Actually everyone doesn’t wish they were doing it.
It only feels that way because you want it so much.
And that desire is a gift.
God given.
Goddess given.
Source given.

Why me?
Because you’re the one with the idea.
You’re the one who wants to.
You’re the one who’s willing to ride the rollercoaster.
You’re the one who has that perfect first line.
You’re the one willing to tear up a draft and start over.
You’re the one who wants to wake up early or stay up late for it.
You’re the one who has timing.
Who has that face.
That voice.
Those hands.
You’re the one who is you.
You’re the one it chose.

You’re the one who will be changed by it
And who it will most change.
No matter who else sees it, works on it, reads it, hears it.
You’ve been assigned it.
Even if you had to dig deep to find the assignment.

That’s why you.
Go do it.

Infinitely Yours,
Beth

03/09/2024

All the feels about the intersection of Women's Day, The State of The Union and Comedy. My latest on substack. You can read it without a subscription, but even a free subscription helps me help you. Link in comments.

02/29/2024

Awards season is here.
With its snubs
And sweeps.
Winners weep
Losers smile.
The red carpet casts its rosy glow up
Onto the best and worst dressed alike.
You have arrived.
Though next year
You may be home.

None of it is fair.
Of course.
Because life isn’t.
But it feels like it should be.
And that should.
Eats away at our insides.

Letting go of the idea
That life should be fair
While we are fighting so hard for justice
(A slightly different
Though related idea.)
Can feel weird.

Here’s the thing about fairness.
In the tender summer after my college sophomore slump
I was a camp counselor.
And when there was pie for desert
I had to slice it.
I tried so hard to cut the pie
Into even pieces.
So that everyone got an equal share.
So that everyone got their fair share.
BUT I ALWAYS FAILED.

Every time a slighted nine year old girl
Would cry out
In her high, disappointed - outraged voice:
My piece is smaller!
It’s not fair!

Did I apologize?
I did.
At first.
Did I eventually tell them the truth.
Life isn’t fair.
I did.

I couldn’t do better than life.

Somewhere around the time
The rise of July
Turned into the fall of August
I noticed that the girls never complained
That it wasn’t fair
When their piece was bigger.
Where was the indignation then?
But unlike the billionaires
They didn’t gloat either.
They just quietly enjoyed
Their bigger piece of pie.
Did they even notice it wasn’t fair.
Or did the girls with the unfair amount of yumminess
Just move on to their daydreams
About skinny dipping in the lake that night.
Letting pleasure lead to pleasure.

I never wondered then
As I do now
What energetic field
Had directed which pieces of pie to whom.
For them to relish or complain about.
Maybe the Great Knowing Mystery
Was protecting one of those pre-teens
From her sugar spikes.
Maybe toughening her up
For a bigger fight.
Maybe rewarding her for a hard won
Inner victory with self esteem.

It was a Quaker Camp and this talkative arty Jew
Was astounded by meeting circles.
The older girls and counselors often spoke
I can’t remember what any of them said.
All I can remember is the smallest girls
My girls
Moved by an invisible something
Standing and saying - in the smallest of voices
I never thought I would be able to speak in meetings
And now here I am speaking.
It was so meta.

None of them ever spoke of the pie.
And neither did I.
I wasn’t as adept then as I am now
At noticing what I was noticing.
And naming it.

And I sometimes wonder
Would I be so adept at it
If life was fair.
If I hadn’t spent time sulking about slights.
And sitting with myself
Trying to listen.
If I hadn’t been gifted
With the love of language.

Sometimes you get a big piece.
Sometimes you get a small piece.
And of course sometimes
You are not even at the table.
Here we come up to issues of privilege.
And passion.
Being let in
Being locked out.

Yes we can make our own luck.
To a certain degree.
We can convert unfairness to passion.
And we can share our luck.
To try to make things more fair.

There was one other pie that offered a different model.
At Brown the year before
My friend group and I discovered a common room
That we dubbed The Funny Room.
There was a cutout in one of the walls
And we would do shows in it.
One of my first stages.

At dinner we would decide
To gather at The Funny Room
And someone would grab a Boston cream pie
And sneak it out of The Ratty.

We’d sit on the built in bench that wrapped around
The oddly shaped
Small room.
Turn down the lights.
Pass a joint around.
Then when the munchies hit
We would start to chant
Oh Great Pie.

Yes I do think we were longing for some bigger thing.
No we didn’t know how to name it
Or call out for it.

So the pie would come out.
Along with a spoon.
And they got passed around together.
When you were handed the pie
You were handed the spoon.
And you got one bite.
The pie was passed around until it was gone.
Everyone getting one bite at a time.
So maybe the last lap wasn’t a full one
And everyone didn’t get the same amount of bites
But I don’t think it was that we were high
Or that we weren’t nine year old girls.
I think it seemed fair
Because it was our pie.
It never got divided up.
We shared it.

Fair comes from a word meaning beauty.
And life may not be fair
When we think of how it is divided.
But maybe when we think about fair
Like fair maiden (are there maidens anymore can a goth girl be fair?)
Beautiful
Life is fair then.
Life is beautiful.
And that beauty is how we let go of should.
Fight for justice.
And get back to work.
Let the awards land where they will.

Infinitely Yours
xx
Beth

02/23/2024

Tonight!!! https://itsalotelcidfeb23.eventbrite.com

12/02/2023

Voting is Now Open!

10/18/2023

This is where my podcast has migrated to. It’s short. And on substack. Love you to a listen. 💜

Listen now (7 mins) | Creativity and War

10/14/2023

I’m doing podcast episodes of The Infinite Creatir over at Substack now. They’re shorties. 3-10 minutes. Sometimes just the post I wrote the day before. But outloud w a little commentary. Do you like to listen?

https://open.substack.com/pub/bethlapides/p/podcast-3-when-no-one-is-feeling?r=23c5w&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Listen now (5 mins) | Art in Dark Times

09/29/2023

Listen now (11 mins) | Things Grow Here

09/29/2023

Hiya! Life and Beth the podcast is still on what is probably permanent hiatus.It was a big producing job and we all got busy. Life! But I've been looking for another way to podcast and have am experimenting with the podcasting feature on Substack. Have you subscribed to me there? It's a super cool platform. Really awesome from my POV as both a reader/listener and as a writer/creator. If you aren't subscribed (free or paid) to me - I'm The Infinite Creator - there here's a link to the first podcast episode and you can one click subscribe from there. Thanks for listening! xx Beth

Listen now (11 mins) | Things Grow Here

04/25/2023

If you like the podcast - come check out the new show! First time out - Wednesday May 3 - Palm Springs Cultural Center - the first time out is always a special night! Love to see you there!

See "IT'S A LOT," the new show from comedian, author, innovator, and muse Beth Lapides.

03/29/2022

Life & Beth is on hiatus while I focus on some other projects. And one that will fill your audio needs is my new audio book "So You Need To Decide". Over 8 hours of a deep dive into stories about decision making from just the kinds of guests you love on the podcast. Funny, smart and willing to share the goods. Julia Sweeney, Margaret Cho, Sandra Bernhard, Phoebe Bridgers, Scott Frank and so many more. Here;s the link to it on Amazon but it's available everywhere audio books are. Check out all those 5 STAR REVIEWS!!!

So You Need to Decide

03/29/2022

Thrilled that "So You Need To Decide" was included in Vulture's Best Comedy Books of 2022 (So Far)! And yay for Bob Odenlirk's book there too, which it is lovely to be included in.

Featuring a collection of haiku by funny people and Bob Odenkirk’s perfectly titled memoir.

04/12/2021

The podcast is on hiatus bit there is lots of life and Beth on the UnCabaret Zoom shows. Second and fourth Sundays of every month. The next one is April 25. We have free and paid tickets. Join us! https://uncabazoom27april25.eventbrite.com