What's Gonna Happen

08/16/2023

2023 NFL Season Pick by Bud Lite, Woke Marketing Genius
"The rumors, in fact, are true. I have been diagnosed with “woke mind virus” by my primary care physician, Dr. Rhonda Santis..."

I hear voices in my head telling me what to do. My name is Bud Lite (he/him/party!), and I work in the just-woke-up marketing department of this 2023 NFL Season Picks column. I am now

09/06/2022

These totally innocent 2022 NFL Season Picks, stored “securely” in the whine cellar of my private club, Mar-a-Wanna, demand that the 2021 season results be overturned and that the Cleveland Browns be declared last season’s champion.

These totally innocent 2022 NFL Season Picks, stored “securely” in the whine cellar of my private club, Mar-a-Wanna, demand that the 2021 season results be overturned and that the Cleveland Browns be declared last season’s

09/10/2021

These 20201 NFL season picks have have been vaccinated against vaccines. Also, I love my new microchip, which broadcasts Cleveland Browns victories to me on demand. http://whatsgonnahappen.com/2021-nfl-season-picks-brainwashed-vaccinated-microchipped/

NFL Picks & Political satire

02/07/2021

I just found out that some rich guy named Jack purchased the First Amendment and is forcing his “facts” – that Super Bowl LV will be played between the Kansas City Chiefs and Tampa Bay Buccaneers – on a gullible world.
Sheep!
http://whatsgonnahappen.com/super-bowl-lv-pick-by-the-firt-amendment-my-pillow/

I just found out that some rich guy named Jack purchased the First Amendment and is forcing his “facts” - that Super Bowl LV will be played between the Kansas City Chiefs and Tampa Bay Buccaneers - on a gullible world.

01/10/2021

If the Cleveland Browns do not win the Super Bowl, there is massive fraud.
If they do win, no fraud.
This is easy to understand.
http://whatsgonnahappen.com/wildcard-weekend-nfl-picks-by-the-outgoing-first-term-prognosticator-of-the-united-states/

Banned from Twitter for inciting the Cleveland Browns to storm the playoffs?!! This shall not stand. These Wildcard Weekend NFL Picks have taken over this column. This is my new platform.

01/09/2021

Banned from Twitter for inciting the Cleveland Browns to storm the playoffs?!!
This shall not stand. These Wildcard Weekend NFL Picks have taken over this column. This is my new platform.
http://whatsgonnahappen.com/wildcard-weekend-nfl-picks-by-the-outgoing-first-term-prognosticator-of-the-united-states/

Banned from Twitter for inciting the Cleveland Browns to storm the playoffs?!! This shall not stand. These Wildcard Weekend NFL Picks have taken over this column. This is my new platform.

11/12/2020

Stop the Steal!
http://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-10-nfl-picks-from-the-inside-of-a-coup/

These Week 10 NFL Picks, after recounting the previous Cleveland Browns games for the 2020

11/01/2020

Wear a different NFL jersey each time you vote in order to disguise your identity, because no one on Earth would confuse a Kansas City Chiefs fan with a New York Jets fan. These are different people entirely – much like a Biden voter and a Trump voter.http://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-8-nfl-picks-by-massive-voter-fraud/

These week 8 NFL picks, having already voted in every state and half of Canada

10/24/2020

So while that one particular rushed experimental unproven vaccine didn’t work, that doesn’t mean that the Cleveland Browns won’t win the Super Bowl. A cure for losing, I am told, is just around the corner. http://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-7-nfl-picks-by-an-unproven-vaccine-with-bad-side-effects/

The rushed and unproven vaccine that these Week 7 NFL picks recently took was supposed

10/14/2020

All signs point to a Cleveland Browns Super Bowl championship, and to the end of the world. I just hope the Browns championship comes first.
http://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-6-nfl-picks-from-the-best-year-ever-as-the-prophets-foretold/

These week 6 NFL Picks, in the midst of the apocalypse with a plan to

10/10/2020

These Week 5 NFL Picks, lurking behind the White House dumpster, would like to offer a free sample of Remdesiver, generic name LoseNoMore, to the the suffering, miserable New York Jets fan I found crying back here.
http://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-5-nfl-picks-by-the-dealer-behind-the-white-house-dumpster/

These Week 5 NFL Picks, lurking behind the White House dumpster, would like to offer

10/03/2020

When I picked the Cleveland Browns to win last week and then they won, I thought to myself, Boy, I am proud. I’m proud, boy.
This is how I talk to myself.
Except sometimes when I just say to myself, Will you shut up, man?
http://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-4-nfl-picks-standing-back-standing-by/

These week 4 NFL picks, having tested positive for an inability to comprehend basic facts,

09/27/2020

Of course I will not let Joe Biden walk “peacefully” into my sidewalk cardboard box covered in white bird p**p (I call it The White House), and take over as Prognosticator of the United States Of America.
If the Cleveland Browns do not win the Super Bowl, I will not accept the results. Why would I? If the Browns do not become champions, the system is rigged. It’s really obvious. http://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-3-nfl-picks-with-new-results-from-a-brand-new-judge/

Of course I will not let Joe Biden walk “peacefully” into my sidewalk cardboard box

09/19/2020

Technical difficulties, caused by George Soros, made these NFL picks appear after the Browns game has been played. I would have picked them to win anyway, whether George Soros ordered me to or not.
http://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-2-nfl-picks-funded-obviously-by-george-soros/

These Week 2 NFL Picks, under newly mandated Federal herd mentality rules, have just received

09/13/2020

As I was telling my trusted loyal friend, Bob Woodward, I had literally no idea what I was doing when I made these Week 1 NFL Picks.
As I told the American people, these week 1 NFL picks are a lock. I encourage you to bet your life on these week 1 NFL picks. https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-1-nfl-picks-from-the-guy-who-made-the-sky-glow-orange/

As I was telling my trusted loyal friend, Bob Woodward, I had literally no idea what I was doing when I made these Week 1 NFL Picks. As I told the American people, these week 1 NFL picks are a lock. I encourage you to bet your life on these week 1 NFL picks.

09/05/2020

As I sit upon my golden throne, processing Big Macs, composing mean tweets and contemplating yesterday’s golf game, it is time for me, the Prognosticator of the United States of America, to reveal my 2020 NFL season picks. https://whatsgonnahappen.com/2020-nfl-season-picks-from-the-golden-throne/

As I sit upon my golden throne, processing Big Macs, composing mean tweets and contemplating yesterday’s golf game, it is time for me, the Prognosticator of the United States of America, to reveal my 2020 NFL season picks.

01/30/2020

I will give you my Super Bowl 54 prediction very soon. I would like you to do me a favor, though.
Act like this makes sense.
Anyway, I take this Super Bowl 54 prediction super seriously. That’s why I just ate a fortune cookie.
Of course I weigh things carefully – the same as, say, a United States Republican Senator acting as a juror in an impeachment trial.
In other words, I have made up my mind and I am willing to cite almost anything as evidence of why I decided as I have.
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/super-bowl-liv-pick-during-the-last-days-of-american-democracy/

I will give you my Super Bowl 54 prediction very soon. I would like you to do me a favor, though.

01/24/2020

I will give you my Super Bowl 54 prediction very soon. I would like you to do me a favor, though.
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/super-bowl-liv-pick-during-the-last-days-of-american-democracy/

I will give you my Super Bowl 54 prediction very soon. I would like you to do me a favor, though.

12/14/2019

Week 15 NFL Picks - Who is up for some high crimes and misdemeanors?
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-15-nfl-picks-artistic-high-crimes-misdemeanors-edition/

Soon, everyone will be calling me Banksy. or, at worst, I will be making high-tax bracket money with duct tape and a banana and then I will take my money to the banksy.

11/28/2019

https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-13-nfl-picks-by-your-drunk-uncle-on-thanksgiving/

I know one thing for sure. George Washington would have never worn a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey.

11/22/2019

11/21/2019

These Week 12 NFL Picks would like you acknowledge the truth: Myles Garrett did not kill Mason Rudolph. So where’s the crime?
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-12-nfl-picks-by-republicans-defending-myles-garrett/

These Week 12 NFL Picks would like you acknowledge the truth: Myles Garrett did not kill Mason Rudolph. So where’s the crime?

11/14/2019

These week 11 NFL picks would first like to specifically and publicly use the words No Quid Pro Quo, and then I’d like to describe a recent action in which I did something and I got something directly back in return.
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-11-nfl-picks-with-the-help-of-smoke-mirrors/

These week 11 NFL picks would first like to specifically and publicly use the words No Quid Pro Quo, and then I’d like to describe a recent action in which I did something and I got something directly back in return.

11/03/2019

As soon as word leaked that these Week 9 NFL Picks picked the Cleveland Browns to beat the New England Patriots during week 8 last week, I ordered that the evidence be moved to a secret server… under the ice cream in my freezer.
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-9-nfl-picks-covered-up/

As soon as word leaked that these Week 9 NFL Picks picked the Cleveland Browns

10/25/2019

I was discussing this with my imaginary friends who are staying at the What’s Gonna Happen Resort Bar & Grill, located in the state of mind I was in when all of this happened.
That state is located next to Colorado. I can tell because I can see the wall.
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-8-nfl-picks-by-a-quid-professional-quo/

These Week 8 NFL Picks, having taken a bye last week because the Cleveland Browns

10/10/2019

These Week 6 NFL Picks, citing the recent court ruling by Judge Malicious C. Kangaroo, will not cooperate with the biased NFL standings.
Judge Kangaroo – they call him “the Captain” – ruled that the corrupt NFL standings are a deep state witch hunt, unfairly based in facts, and that no one takes them seriously anymore anway.
Also, they did not help with Normandy.
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-6-nfl-picks-by-judge-malicious-c-kangaroo/

These Week 6 NFL Picks, citing the recent court ruling by Judge Malicious C. Kangaroo,

10/04/2019

These Week 5 NFL Picks are focused exclusively on BU****IT.
Well, that, finding dirt on Jimmy Garappolo (or, I guess, Joe Biden), and buying snakes for my new moat.
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-5-nfl-picks-focusing-on-bullsh*t-and-snakes/

These Week 5 NFL Picks are focused exclusively on BU****IT. Well, that, finding dirt on

09/25/2019

Hello, Ukraine guy. This is Week 4 NFL Picks calling from the Gaslighting Motel in Washington, D.C..
I want to talk about my core ideals of illiteracy, dishonesty and graft. Also, I’d like to talk about Cleveland Browns head coach, Freddie Kitchens.
Yeah, listen, I need you to investigate Freddie Kitchens. I need it done now, okay?
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-4-nfl-picks-on-a-call-with-ukraine/

Hello, Ukraine guy. This is Week 4 NFL Picks calling from the Gaslighting Motel in

09/19/2019

These Week 3 NFL Picks have a whistle and an urgent message that I am required by law to say: the guy who writes this column is actually not a very stable genius.
I am a witness. I can hear his thoughts.
https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-3-nfl-picks-by-a-whistleblower-with-an-urgent-message/

NFL Picks & Political satire

09/13/2019

https://whatsgonnahappen.com/week-2-nfl-picks-introducing-antonio-brown-national-security-advisor/

NFL Picks & Political satire