29/04/2022
SHE IS NOT ALONE
I am an African woman, married to a traditional African man. His bar is low and my standard is lower, it is a matter of duty that I constantly bend over, even backwards to serve, please and wait on him.
This belligerent Traditional African man, knows I can’t make demands, I have been taught to accept what I’m served with gratitude, I have learned to know my place, It is not beside him nor behind him, it is below him, I have been taught to stoop and my mind have taught my legs to persevere, to patiently bear the burden of his weight and that of my kids, Whatever the circumstances.
sometimes it is difficult but it gets better with practice.
In stooping I have learnt to put my husband’s needs before mine, I have learnt to be content with the basic necessities of life, Good food, clothing, a roof over my head and decent schools for my kids. I mean what else could a woman ask for if you’re fortunate enough to have a man that provides these things.
It would be foolishness not to know your place below your partner and keep peace in your home, by constantly inventing new ways to please and pacify.
If I were nursing my baby and needed a cup of water, we both know it’s untraditional to ask my husband for a cup of water. If my husband is unemployed and I’m working and caring for my kids without help, it would diminish his Ego to have him help out with the house-chores, I just have to find a balance or an imbalance, between my job, kids, husband and house chores. This could entail retiring to bed after midnight, to wake up by 4am, but not without performing my conjugal duties in between.
So when I opted to be a stay at home mum, it’s not because I’m lazy, Mother Nature has made it that my child bearing years will take it’s toll on either my Career or Education, the influence of the one I chose to pitch my tent with will come to bear on my goals, and my personal goals would be merged with his and become our goals, I thought it was wise to put me on hold for our general good.
In keeping Faith, many Nights, I slept alone, occasionally Finding pleasure with myself because Oga was not around when Ovulation came around.
It doesn’t matter if he had different Jezebels on his bed at locations, I have learnt to accept that a man is polygamous in nature.
I could have stepped out if I wanted, but personal inhibitors would not let me.
I am cultured not to find pleasure outside of the one who have acquired me for keeps.
The one who don’t owe me fidelity but I owe him faithfulness. The one who doesn’t respect me, my person or Emotions,but I always respected.
Countless weeks on location, going from one set to Another for weeks on end, i waited patiently, as I was taught, like the wise virgins who put out their light and only turned it back on when the bride groom returned.
I was married traditionally, I know my place.
African traditional marriage rites and customs was not designed to favor the woman.
Marriages are usually guided by the laws within which the marriage was conducted. I have been conditioned not to question things, even things that did not serve me,
the man knew he could eat his cake and have it, hence his recklessness and lack of discretion or tactfulness in his affairs, he knew the things I’d absorbed in these 17 long years of building blocks.
Now, I’m meant to feel fortunate as no 1 to an extra ordinary actor and potential future Nigerian President.
On a final note, Ndi, he paid my dowry, your marriage is valid and so is the number 2, 3, 4, or 5, that might come.
If you had a church wedding, pray that the one with whom your faith is tied, is kind and that he would do right by you.
Church wedding will not protect you from a cruel partner. It it important to know if the church were wedded or want to wed is registered and licensed according to Nigerian law to conduct marriage. If they are, your certificate is valid.
All these mushroom churches, them, Global Zion Mountain Ministry Evangelical International,
God’s Battle Axe, Arrow and Spanner Ministries Worldwide, (under canopy)
Ogechi and Nnana vision Zion incorporated ministry,
All these Oke Aha na Egbu Nwankita Ministries, will do you more harm than good, they are not licensed to conduct weddings in Nigeria.
You are as Vulnerable as May Yul Edochie.
So far, the only place you can find respite, as far as marriages go in Nigeria is the registry, go there, register your marriage, in the event that the man is tired of Egusi and wants Ogbono, he has to properly serve Egusi paper and inform her that he is tired, and they will agree on what Egusi deserves for the years she has been grinding with him. And putting her dreams at bay, of course presided over by a judge, that way you can avoid this kind of Embarrassment Yul Edochie Foisted on his wife.
Amaka Umeh.
