Funny Facts & Best Jokes

16/06/2023

I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing

18/11/2022

An accident occurred today, 11 persons were injured, 12 died. So the Minister of Health promised to offer N5,000 to the injured and N6million to the dead for their funeral.

One of the injured got up and laid where the dead were…

One of the dead shouted, “Bros, go back to your place, do not bring confusion here, they have counted us already!”

22/03/2022

😂🤣😅

22/03/2022

😂🤣

24/02/2022

War Story

During an English lesson, the teacher instructed his students to write a composition.

Question: Assume you are in a war, write a story on your experience?

Akpos did not write anything and kept seated. The teacher got puzzled, walked to Akpos' desk and asked him why he was not doing the exercise. Akpos replied, "I was killed immediately at the beginning of the war."

20/02/2022

3 New Words

TEACHER: Go home and find three new words or phrases and bring them to me tomorrow.Akpos goes home and asks his mother while she is on the phone.AKPOS: Mum, class teacher gave me an assignment to find three new words or phrases. Can you help me with it?MUM: (feeling irritated) Shut up!AKPOS: Thanks mum.Akpos passes by the living room when he hears his big brother yell, "Superman!". He takes it as his second word. As night approaches, Akpos takes a walk, he passes in front of a classy restaurant, then he hears a man say, "Ladies first". He takes it as his third word/phrase.Akpos goes to school the next day and the teacher asks what his words are...AKPOS: Shut up!TEACHER: Who do you think you are...?AKPOS: Superman!TEACHER: Let's go to the headteacher's office now!AKPOS: Ladies first.

11/02/2022

PLEASE CHOOSE A NAME FOR THIS GUY.......

04/02/2022

Wife is busy packing her clothes.

Man: And where are you going?

Wife: I'm moving to my mother.

Husband also starts packing.

Wife: And where do you think your going?

Husband: I'm also moving to my mother.

Wife: And what about the kids?

Husband: Well if you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother then I guess they must also move to their mother🕺🕺

01/02/2022

Money Above Life

Akpos had a serious accident with his brand new car. A police officer nearby ran to the scene to help them out."This man's car just hit my car! That car is worth Six million Naira! Now,my car is a total write-off!"The police officer shook his head in amazement and said "You are so materialistic.You didn't even realize that your hand had been cut off". Akpos looked at his bloody arm and screamed "OH MY GOD!!! Where is my gold wristwatch, and my ring!!?"

15/01/2022

Right Answers

Akpos got 0% marks in an exam and was surprised because all his answers were seemingly correct!

The questions and answers below:

Q.1- In which battle did Usman Dan Fodio Die?
Ans.- In his Last Battle.

Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page.

Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce?
Ans.- Marriage.

Q.4- What day is the Nigeria Independence?
Ans.- Independence Day

Q.5- When was Nelson Mandela Born?
Ans.- On His Birthday.

Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People?
Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake!

Do you feel that he was wrongly penalised?

17/12/2021

13/12/2021

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for #500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he had his secretary send a check for #250 and enclosed the following note: Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of #250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that: 1) it had never been occupied 2) that there was plenty of heat 3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and feel at home. Last night, however, I found it had been previously occupied, that there was no heat, and it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for #250 with the following note: Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is heat if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is, indeed, of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady!
🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆🙆

11/12/2021

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now Im afraid to p*e.
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

11/12/2021

DECENT PR******TE.
🙆🙆🙆🙆
Akpos stopped at a bar after work to have a drink. He started talking to a girl even though he is married, he thought she is so fine that he agreed to go to her place.

When he got to her place, he found out that she is a pr******te and that she wanted 5,000 Naira.

"Forget it," Akpos said, "You never told me you were a pr******te. But I do have 500 Naira with me, will you take that?"

"You won't get any decent pr******te for that amount," she replied.

She threw him out.

Later that night, Akpos and his wife went out for dinner. While they were eating, the same pr******te who happened to be eating there too recognised Akpos.

She came up to him and said, "See, I told you. Look at the kind of trash you picked up for 500 Naira."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

27/10/2021

You Are Cheating

In class one day, the Teacher pulled Akpos over to his desk after a test, and said, "Akpos I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Akpos was astounded and asked the teacher to prove it."Well," said the teacher, "I was looking over your test script and the question was, Who was Nigeria's first president?, and the little girl that sits next to you, Kemi, put Nnamdi Azikiwe, and so did you." "Everyone knows that he was the first president na." Akpos said. "Well, just wait a minute," The teacher said. "The next question was, Who stopped the killing of twins in Nigeria? Kemi put Mary Slessor and so did you." Akpos said, ''I read the Nigerian history book last night and I remembered that." "Wait, wait," said the teacher. "the next question was, Who was the president of Nigeria during the 'Ghana Must Go' period? Kemi put I don't know, and you put, I don't know too."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

27/10/2021

Daddy's New Car

Akpos' dad bought a Range Rover Sport Car. Akpos' elder brother struck a deal with Akpos. He told Akpos to call him on phone when nobody is at home so that he'll come and take the car out to show off to his friends.When nobody was at home, Akpos called his brother on the phone, "Hello bros Thambo. Nobody is at home right now. You can come and take daddy's car out."The elder brother replied, "Okay. I'll be home in a jiffy." and rushed back home from where he was.He got home and was shocked to see the gate locked. He called Akpos on phone, "Akpos, I'm now at home to take the car out as planned. Why is the gate locked?"Akpos replied, "Bros Thambo. Were you not the one that told me to call you to come and take the car out when nobody is at home. Mummy and Daddy are not at home. I am not at home too.One word for Akpos?
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

27/10/2021

River Jordan

Akpos and his wife went to Israel and decided to pick a boat to see the beauty of river Jordan. When Akpos asked the boatman how much it will cost them, he said $500. Akpos shouted, "No wonder Jesus decided to walk on the sea."
🤣

27/10/2021

There was a girl Akpos really loved but he never had the guts to tell her how much he loves her. One night, at around 11pm, he summoned some courage and sent her an sms message saying, "I love you so much, I wanna date you. Please reply and tell me how you feel about me." A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was so scared and too tensed to open it that night, so he decided not to check the reply until the next morning when he will be less tensed. When he woke up the next day, he said his prayers, did his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took his bath and combed his hair, then jumped back to his bed and gently picked up his phone to read the message. So he started reading:"Dear customer you have insufficient balance to complete your request. kindly recharge your account and try again. Thank you.

02/10/2021

SOME FUNNY IRONIES OF LIFE
1. A poor witchdoctor who
promises you wealth.
2. A Dentist with rotten
teeth and bad breath.
3. When a Company Driver's
children walk at
least 2km to
and fro school everyday.
4. The Principal's child
who have repeated class
more than any other
student.
5. The Professional Boxer
whose child gets bullied in
school.
6. A Vet Doctor that is
scared of dogs.
7. A book street Vendor selling
books on how
to become
a billionaire
8. A Farmer whose mother
died of starvation.
9. A Gym instructor with pot
belle.
10. A carpenter that uses
only plastic chairs at home
11. A Single and lonely On Air
Personality "DJ" talking
about
love matter and match making
over the radio.
12.A Mechanic without his
own vehicle
13.A doctor suffering from
flu and malaria
14. uncircumcised doctor doing
circumcision
15.Someone promoting gay
rights when he’s happily
married to the opposite s*x.
16. iPhone supplier who has a
nokia 3310.
17.A manager at MTN who uses
AIRTEL

02/10/2021

Teacher: "What is 1+1?
Children: "8"
Teacher: "Correct"
Teacher: "What is 2+5?"...
Children: "14
" Teacher: "Correct"
Teacher: "What is 4+6?
Children: "20
"Teacher: "Good, it will remain like that until
government pays my salary!

02/10/2021

Bill Gates organized an enormous
session to recruit a new CEO for
Microsoft Europe. Five thousand candidates
assembled in
a large room. One candidate is
Ayodele a Naija guy. Bill Gates thanked all the
candidates for
coming and asking those who do
not know Java program to leave.
Two thousand candidates leave the
room. Ayodele says to himself, "I do
not know JaVa but I have nothing to lose if I
stay. I'll give it a try. Bill Gates asked the
candidates who
never had experience of managing
more than 100 people to leave. Two
thousand leave the room. Ayodele says
to himself "I never managed anybody
by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay.
What can happen to me?" So
he stays. Then Bill Gates asked candidates
who
do not have management diplomas to
leave. Five hundred people leave the
room. Ayodele says to himself, "I left
school at 15 but what have I got to
lose?" So he stays in the room. Lastly, Bill gates
asked the candidates
who do not speak Serb-Croatian to
leave. Four hundred ninety-eight
candidates leave the room. Ayodele
says to himself, "I do not speak one
word of Serb - Croatian but what do I have to
lose?" So he stays and finds
himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them
and said,
"Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serb - Croatian,
so I'd now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that
language." Calmly, Ayodele turns to the other
candidate and says, "Wahala wa o!"
The other candidate answers "O gaju o

02/10/2021

Akpos is applying for a job as a signalman for
the local railroad and is told to meet the
inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Akpos a pop
quiz, asking: "What would you do if you
realized that two trains were heading
towards each other on the same track?"
Akpos says: "I would switch one train to
another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the
manual lever down there", answers Akpos.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
challenges the inspector.
"Then," Akpos continued, "I'd run back up
here and use the phone to call the next signal
box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Akpos argued, "I'd run to the
street level and use the public phone near the
station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Akpos, "in that case I would
run into town and get my Brother Ofego".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why
would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."

02/10/2021

>>>Conversation between a Rat and Man
Rat: (with tiny voice) hello.
Man: hello, who am i speaking wit?
Rat: na Mr John be dis abi?
Man: yes u are speaking wit Mr John, who is
dis pls?
Rat: so u no recognize my voice abi? Na me ur
room mate.
Man: u say what?.
Rat: ur room mate Rat. I dey ur room now..
Man: i beg ur pardon?
Rat: which yeye beg u dey beg me. i never
chop since yesterday wey u waka comot. I
check that place wey u dey put food i no see
anything. I check d kitchen nothing. I even
check ur fridge no single food there. E be like
say u wan kill me abi.. No problem, i jux say
make i let u know say That ur certificate 4
inside your wardrobe wey dem write LAGOS
STATE UNIVERSITY I don eat d"LA"comot.
Remaining "GOS"STATE UNIVERSITY. Let me
see which work u go take "GOS"state
university find....
(rat ends call)