Really Useful Conversations

31/08/2024

A phrase you may have heard, and used, but do you know the origins?

It is said to be slang that originated in the Royal Navy. ‘Jack’ is slang for sailor. A ladder slung overboard to allow sailors to climb aboard and when the last sailor was safely on board he would say, ‘I'm alright Jack, pull up the ladder’ - meaning everyone is now safely on board.

Over time the phrase has been used in common language as "pulling up the ladder behind oneself", and “I’m all right Jack” has been used to call out unfairness and hypocrisy on the part of those who are seen to have benefited from opportunities and focussed on themselves, but not thinking about it helping others.

Interesting eh?

I’m offering your business the opportunity to let down the ladder and make a real difference to others. Up for it?

By being a sponsor for Actually, she can you can offer a helping hand to young females in Halton Borough who might not otherwise get the chance to go into higher education or pursue a vocational apprenticeship.

Our event is by women, for women, breaking down barriers for young women to help them into decent paid jobs in the future and break the pattern in our “left behind neighbourhoods”.

Not just an incredible CSR opportunity but also a chance to promote your business as a great place to work for women, with equity and opportunity for all.

If you are interested in rolling down a ladder, drop me a message and I can send you the prospectus to look over?

It’s going to be an amazing day 😝

Actually, she can! An inspirational day of personal development for women in business

30/08/2024

So did you sign up for the pre-sale ballot?

It’s closed now, so maybe you missed it but if you are not interested in the Oasis reunion, or maybe you are interested but are unwilling or unable to spend THAT amount of money, then let me offer you a much better value opportunity that will not only be a fabulous experience for yourself, but will be affordable, invaluable and will be a genuine investment in future female talent too!

Before the boys from Burnage kiss and make-up, I’m offering you the chance to witness 12 amazing women offering insights and expertise to elevate your personal growth and professional development, AND you don’t have to stand up or pay extortionate amounts for a brew either!

I might even produce a tour t-shirt 😝

Our sign up wait list is open all weekend - get your name on there - it’ll be more than supersonic 😉

Actually, she can 🧡

05/08/2024

Where else are you going to hear from
ALL of these professional speakers, authors and coaches in ONE day other than at Actually, she can ??

Actually, she can! is an inspirational day of personal growth & professional development for women in business in Halton next February - for women, by women, investing in women!

All proceeds to the Mayor’s Charity to help young people into higher education & vocational apprenticeships.

Early Bird tickets on sale soon! 🧡

31/07/2024

Three years has flown by in the blink of an eye and this is the final guest interview of the season, a Really Useful Conversations episode with the no B.S. leadership coach Tim Roberts ☺️

A self-declared, reformed d*ckhead, Tim talks about his experience both in a leadership role, then as a speaker, author & coach and I’d encourage you to listen in when you get time.

One more episode before I take a break but back in the Autumn to introduce each of the 12 incredible women who will be headlining the Actually, she can! event next February.

Hope you enjoy today’s conversation between Tim and I 😁

https://pod.fo/e/2578af

Actually, she can! An inspirational day of personal development for women in business ☺️

30/07/2024

We should never under-estimate the importance of human connection. Being part of a network, a community, a tribe, a feeling of belonging whether in an organisation, community group, social setting or at home, we human beings need that connection as we do food, water and fresh air.

In fact we know that one of the factors that can increase the risk of a person taking their own life is being alone. Loneliness, lack of emotional support, absence of connection, a sense of not belonging or being ‘the odd one out’.

Today is International Day of Friendship and is a cracking opportunity to reach out to people you’ve ’been meaning to get in touch with’ and re-connect. A chance to let them know you are thinking about them, and in doing so, letting them know they matter.

For the past 8 years I’ve been teaching su***de prevention programs within organisations and community groups, encouraging people to develop the skill and confidence to have difficult conversations about sensitive subjects, and when we talk about helping someone overwhelmed by life to stay safe, we talk about the importance of connection; both formal and informal resources that can make a difference to a person who might otherwise feel isolated and alone with the weight of their world on their shoulders. We know that as little as a 20 minute conversation can be the difference.

Use the opportunity today to connect, you never know who might just need to hear from you - even the gobby, loud, seemingly confident ones can feel lonely in a room full of people 😉

***deprevention 🧡

21/07/2024

has never been so welcome! What a week it has been!

A fabulous trip to South Wales to work with 32 managers and helping them to explore ‘The Shadow You Cast’ as a leader and climate-shaper in your business - and they have invited me to go back again so clearly they benefitted from our time together as much as I enjoyed delivering the session.

Lots of useful meetings plotting with Actually, she can! speakers and we now have more than 50 names on the ‘Wait List’ for Early Bird ticket sales coming soon 😁

My Mum had a bilateral nephrostomy this week, so that has brought a few stressful moments, but the abundance of cake at the Runcorn WI Bake Off competition soothed my stress 🍰

My menopause story was published yesterday too alongside work done by the relentless Dr Newson and already women are messaging me to tell me how it resonates for them - I hope as many people as possible get to read it and see the research!

A busy old week as a midlife menopausal Mayoress, daughter, carer, speaker and today, sticking on my wellies and getting out with the hound is the tank topper-upper that I need!

How’s your looking this weekend?

20/07/2024

I hope this article gets wherever it needs to go so that awareness is raised and no other women finds herself with a ‘plan’.

Please share?

As experts call for menopause to be recognised as a brain condition, Andrea Newton tells i the link between menopause and su***de is real

19/07/2024

Never mind your shiny awards ceremonies with your lengthy self-nomination process and acceptance speeches - here we have ‘Star Baker’ at the WI Bake Off competition that I was invited to judge last night in my role as Mayoress of Halton - in fairness, all the entries were amazing and I enjoyed having to keep trying ‘just a bit more’ until it was all gone 😂

It was also an excellent opportunity to tell the group about the charity fundraising we are doing this year for the Halton Foundation to help create bursary opportunities for young people to help them into apprenticeships or higher education, where a little financial help might be needed for tech, tools, text books, even bus fares if necessary.

We have lots of fundraising events planned, from the Wellbeing Day in November to “Actually, she can!” - a unique opportunity for personal development aimed at women in the workplace, (covering a wide range of topics from imposter syndrome to why we all win with more women in leadership roles), and we have a wait list building already for that even though it’s not until February!

Thank you ladies for a warm welcome (and those cakes!!!) - and congratulations to the winner - my diet starts today 😆😆😆

15/07/2024

We have just TWO tables left to sell at the Mayor’s charity fundraiser on 26th July and would be grateful if you could share the ticket link and attached image with your network to help us raise funds for the Halton Foundation and a very deserving cause?

We really appreciate your support and hope you can help - please feel free to share on social media too? Ticket sales close this Friday.

Ticket link https://www.tickettailor.com/events/haltonfoundation/1251038

Thank you

09/07/2024

As su***de statistics increase and people find themselves struggling to access help, more and more employers are investing in employee assistance programmes (EAP) as the recognise that catching people BEFORE they get to the point of crisis makes much more sense.

But how well utilised are their investments?

I’ve been in organisations where the employer has invested in a fabulous scheme, but it’s hardly being used, and often for different reasons. One of those reasons is that nobody is actively promoting it to employees in a way that means people will tap into it, and in some places, nobody knows a person might need it because it’s not ok to show signs that you are struggling.

In some environments managers tell me they fear engaging in such conversations, even when they have a concern about a team member, for fear it is seen as prying or overstepping the mark AND if I did approach them, what should I say, what should I not?!

A question I am frequently asked when talking to audiences about having crucial conversations that matter.

And you know what? There is no set script. You don’t have to be word perfect. In fact, sometimes, simply asking ‘Are you alright mate?’ is all it takes.

Bringing that combination of genuine concern, compassion and curiosity will always stand you in good stead.

I’m asking because I’m concerned (not nosey!)

I’m asking with compassion (not judgement!)

I’m asking with curiousity (not advising, telling, suggesting) so that together we can work out where to get help from.

Shying away from such conversations means that people aren’t even aware that help exists, let alone how to access it, and if your EAP is the best kept secret, your investment is wasted.

Conversations can change and even save lives. Drop me a note if I can help bring them to the table in your business?

02/07/2024

It’s almost as though as you step into a management role you should automatically have the confidence to do what needs to be done, to say what needs to be said, to have the Confident Conversations that matter, right?

But apparently as many as 85% of us will experience imposter syndrome at some point in our career, and I’ll bet that’s more likely as a woman?

So what do we do about it?

How do we grow, develop, step out of our comfort zone to be the manager or leader we so want to be, yet that little inner critic is chipping away, making us doubt or question ourselves, keeping us safe at a lower level?

This weeks Really Useful Conversations guest, the secret weapon that leaders need to get out of the weeds and succeed, Barbara Nixon, has some excellent advice to offer if you recognise yourself here.

And Barbara is also one of the fabulous speakers at the ‘Actually, she can!’ event in February next year, so I’m doubly excited to share her expertise with you on today’s podcast and at next years event 😁

If you like what you hear in our conversation together, you don’t have to wait until next year for more … you can connect with Barbara and find out more about her at https://barbaranixon.co.uk but for now, enjoy the Really Useful Conversations we have!

▶️▶️▶️▶️ https://podfollow.com/ruc

01/07/2024

“I’m worried that it’s none of my business and that I might be overstepping the mark?”

Over the years a question I’m regularly asked by Line Managers when they find themselves having to have difficult conversations about sensitive subjects. The fear of overstepping the boundary between their role as a leader and being seen as prying into their team members personal situation.

Absolutely, there are boundaries, lines that we should not be crossing but we also have a duty of care if we are concerned for someone’s wellbeing plus if whatever it is is having an impact on their performance, attendance or behaviour at work, we need to be able to explore a solution, but in a respectful and reasonable manner.

✅ Make sure you have a specific behavioural example of the issue - not just a gut feel, hearsay or notion.

✅ Describe your concern in a factual, objective way

✅ Let them know you are asking from a place of concern, not criticism, judgement or being damn nosey

✅ Use language that shows that empathy and concern

✅ Adopt a coaching approach to better understand AND encourage accountability and action planning

✅ Listen and allow space - they need to work out how much they are prepared to share too

✅ Let them know you don’t need to get into detail, but you do need to address the impact it’s having in relation to the workplace

✅ You are their manager not their mother, social worker, counsellor, adviser, doctor - stay in that role

✅ Agree an action plan, signpost any resources, agree a review date

✅ Work on a climate that’s psychologically safe so that conversations like this can happen more easily

It can be difficult to address sensitive subjects and worry about ‘getting it right’ and having over 30 years experience of helping managers do that has shown me that NOT having such conversations can cause even more problems in the long term.

If you’d like to help your managers feel more confident to have conversations that matter, drop me a note and let’s chat? 💬

PS - I’ll share the other 4 most commonly asked questions soon 😉

28/06/2024

In a recent UK survey of 5,800 peri/menopausal women, a massive 95% said they had experienced mood or mental health-related symptoms.

In some cases the impact can be quite significant and even lead to thoughts of su***de, with women attempting and taking their own lives.

I was almost one of the extreme statistics; dosed up on meds for depression and being gaslit, I was desperate for someone to believe me and find me some peace!

That’s why I wrote my book, which I will never make a profit on, in fact I doubt I’ll break even, but I know I’ve tried, I’ve done what I can to share my story so that at least others know they are not alone.

Thankfully as research is done and people like Dr Louise Newson get behind it, fewer women should feel as I did, and in the meantime my book is a useful read (or listen!) for men, managers, mates of menopausal women who want to be better informed and better able to help.

Amazon, Kindle & Audible - no excuse!

27/06/2024

Since my podcast interview with Newson Health was aired, I’ve had lots of messages from women grateful to hear they are not alone ♥️

I’ve also had a number of messages asking me who I studied with to become a menopause coach, ladies interested in doing the same.

I’ve actually done FOUR different courses, each with a different provider, each with a slightly different approach to support women who will each be experiencing their own unique journey.

I have deliberately studied widely to ensure that I’m not limited in my understanding OR limited in my perception, not every client will require the same support.

I work with organisations to engage with managers too, combining my HR background and advising around duty of care etc, and with individuals on a one to one coaching programme - who do you know that would benefit from working with me? Please let them know I’m here In Her Right Mind ♥️

19/06/2024

When you lose your high performer because you shied away from tackling a poor performer, even though you agreed that the poor performer’s behaviour and attitude were out of order.

I’ve seen that more than once where the high performer gets fed up of carrying the can, working twice as hard to compensate for the poor performer, or where the high performer becomes disillusioned when standards drop to an unacceptable level but nobody tackles it.

Sometimes when we shy away from challenging inappropriate, unacceptable, unreasonable behaviour we overlook the ripples that are happening wider out and don’t realise what our lack of action is saying to those folk.

I have a reputation for the phrase ‘big girl pants’. It’s a phrase that builders, air cabin crew, logistics professionals, firefighters and more associate with me, and remember for years after the event, because whilst I completely get that challenging conversations can be uncomfortable, for the greater good we do sometimes need to put our big girl pants on, take a deep breath and deal with it.

The costs and risks of failing to have conversations that matter go further and deeper and wider than we realise, and whilst nobody wants to be ‘the bad guy’, we need to remember that it’s not a popularity contest; it’s about doing what needs to be done, in a way that is respectful and kind, and focussing on the bigger picture, the long term impact, and having the courage to uphold the standard you know is needed.

I worked with a group of first time managers on Monday and had excellent feedback following the “Crucial Conversations” Masterclass that I ran. If this is something that matters to your business, I have some free capacity in July - drop me a note? 📝

12/06/2024

Available on Amazon in paperback, Audible and Kindle because I want to make this information as accessible as possible to EVERYONE! Without the people around me I wouldn’t be here today to tell my story to and I’m on a mission to get my story out there so that no other woman is left feeling the way I did. ‘Could it be your hormones love?’ by Andrea Newton, specifically addresses the impact of menopause on mental health and offers advice from a qualified su***de intervention tutor to help women get the help they might need if they ever find themselves in that place ***derisk

06/06/2024

Simply giving a manager a sickness absence policy and expecting them to ‘get on with it’ is like giving a learner driver a copy of the Highway Code and expecting them to navigate the Arc de Triomphe roundabout during rush hour!

If you’ve never had that experience (I worked for a training company in Paris in the 80’s) - twelve different roads all feed into the roundabout, where there are no lanes, no signs and no signals and it’s every wo(man) for herself!!

Sometimes you’ll make it through pure luck rather than skill, another time you might find a reasonable person willing to give way, but there is equally the chance of getting caught up in the crazy and go round and round in circles, without making progress.

Yesterday’s masterclasses with 30 managers of varying levels of development and experience also revealed the reluctance to challenge any concerns for fear of repercussions, a lack of ‘air cover’ for the more tricky manouevres, the lack of understanding around disability discrimination and a belief that ‘unless it’s mandated in the policy you can’t have a conversation’.

Nobody would blame the learner driver for fearing the roundabout or getting caught up in a loop and struggling to move forward, so we can’t blame managers who’ve had no formal development if they are simply following the lead of the car in front and hoping to one day make progress, unscathed.

Yesterday’s groups unanimously agreed that the sessions had been ‘really useful, worthwhile’ learning opportunities and I’m cheaper than a long-term sickness absence case that your managers are afraid to address, so give me a shout and let’s chat? 🚙 ⭐️

24/05/2024

Do you have employees ‘making the most’ of sensitive subjects? Perhaps taking longer to return from sickness absence as managers are wary to engage with them? Ducking out of duties with a ‘get out of jail card’?

Now don’t get me wrong, let me be clear, I fundamentally believe that the majority of people will return from sickness absence as soon as they are able, sometimes too soon, BUT my experience of over 30 years in industry, especially since ‘mental health’ became a ‘thing’ does mean that a minority will take advantage of the sensitivities around certain issues and manage their line manager.

Just yesterday I had a call with a client who knows that managers are anxious about talking to some absentees about their anticipated return ‘for fear they are accused of causing stress and so on’ and so the long waiting game rolls out and periods of absence stretch.

Equally, the person off sick may interpret that radio silence as ‘nobody cares’ which could indeed make matters worse, but all the time that discomfort exists and both parties sit in their silence, the situation worsens.

We talked about a very practical, down to earth session where we will work with case studies and I’ll help them prepare WRAPs (Wellness Return Action Plans) through a coaching conversation, and together build the confidence they need to ask about a mental health disorder in the way they might confidently enquire about a broken limb, support and adjustments and likely return date.

If you recognise this scenario in your business and want to give your managers (and absent employees) the support they might need, I can offer you a 90 Minute Masterclass (online) or a half day workshop, to help your business do the right thing by your people, and keep absence costs to a minimum.

Message me here or drop me an email and we can work out a plan together.

20/05/2024

Taking a moment, after a crazy weekend, to just breathe and enjoy the sunshine at Greenwich.

We are in London to attend the Garden Party at the Palace tomorrow, in our new roles as Mayor/ess and praying the good weather holds 🤞🏻

Back on Zoom on Wednesday at 1pm to invite managers and leaders to also take a break, catch their breath and consider ‘Does the room light up when you enter …. or when you leave?’ … pausing to reflect and consider whether as a leader you are having the impact you intend or whether in the busy-ness of business, you’re missing the mark.

Full details are on the Confident Conversations website - hope you’ll join me 😁

16/05/2024

I'm not an "awareness week only" poster - in fact I am not a great fan of awareness alone - I believe that the only way things change is through ACTION!

I'm aware, for example, that I am overweight - wandering around and being aware whilst making my way through a family-sized Aero that was on offer for a quid where I bought my slimming magazine changes nothing - I can continue being aware or I can do something about it?

I am also not a fan of "reach out" - cos you know what? When you are already carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, feeling like a bad, pathetic, needy person who is a burden to others, the sheer thought of "reaching out" adds further shame.

I'm a big fan of checking in. Lifting your head up from the busy day to day of your world and noticing what is going on around you, how people around you are behaving, what you are noticing about them.

You don't have to be qualified in any way, shape or form to do that - and in fact, a simple "Are you alright mate?" is often enough to do the trick! And you know what, people don't necessarily need you to say a great deal. In fact, sometimes saying nothing, simply listening and acknowledging and paying attention can be exactly what they need.

I told the group of MHFA's that I was working with on Tuesday that sometimes what people need is "a bloody good listening to" - and actually rather than hearing what you have to say, by talking out loud in a safe and supported space, I can hear what I have to say, hearing my own thoughts put into words, recognising that maybe amongst that spaghetti bowl of thoughts that I have just tipped out on the table, is the answer I have been looking for?

If your managers are concerned about conversations like these - reaching in and instigating dialogue - drop me a line and let's talk about how I can help.

One thing I can promise you, I'll still be talking about mental health and such conversations long after is long over!

Keep checking in please x

11/05/2024

Your intentions are good but your impact is lousy ….

Under pressure, time’s tight, hurry-hurry and responses become reactions, choices slip into habits and there’s a gap between what you intend and the impact your behaviour has.

Join me on 22nd May for a quick reflect and reset - just taking time out to sharpen the saw could be just what you need.

03/05/2024

Over the last few weeks I’ve heard so many heartbreaking stories; families facing homelessness when both parents are in full time work but still can’t afford their rent, individuals in long waiting lists for help they desperately need but urgently, single parents having dark thoughts as they’ve not got the £4.20 for kids dinner money ..

But I’m equally delighted that over that time I’ve helped 144 Advice Workers across Greater Manchester be better informed, more aware, more able to confidently have conversations that could save lives.

Thank you Adele Owen QPM for trusting me to do this work on behalf of Shining A Light On Su***de - final session today in Salford with the fabulous Poverty Truth Commission folks.

Su***de prevention is everybody’s business - please get in touch if you’d like to bring the knowledge and ability to make a difference into yours 💛

02/05/2024

An interesting report this morning where an employee found herself suspended and "subjected to a lengthy disciplinary process after her Facebook activity, which included sharing gender-critical content" had been reported and led to an investigation into her "fitness to practise" as a social worker.

She won her case with a £58,000 compensation payment and a ruling that "emphasised the importance of protecting lawful debate and preventing its suppression through punitive measures."

It's an interesting one where a person's personal beliefs and values, posted on their social media accounts, has led to investigations like this and it is said that the ruling now "sets a precedent for regulatory bodies and underscores the imperative of upholding freedom of expression within professional contexts, marking a significant victory" for the claimant. It is said to be a "landmark case" and required that training on freedom of expression and protected beliefs be carried out urgently.

Freedom of expression is indeed a human right, but so is the freedom to not be discriminated against, and we are encouraged to uphold both rights, which for employers can mean a fine line.

The line seems to be that expression must not rise to the level of discrimination, and the EHRC have produced really helpful guidance on this for employers, suggesting "freedom of expression does not protect statements that unlawfully discriminate against or harass, or incite violence or hatred against, other persons and groups, particularly by reference to their race, religious belief, gender or sexual orientation" - and actually the intention of the person must also be considered.

I can imagine a lot of people scratching their head and having to think really carefully about this, making sure that as employers especially, you are clear and consistent about where that line sits and whilst staff have the freedom to express beliefs, that should not lead to anything more than healthy debate.

What do you think?

Crystal clear and easy to differentiate? Or maybe a bit of a head-scratcher on occasion? Let me know .....

01/05/2024

“Don’t think you can just swan in here when you feel like it and say you’re coming back to work. It doesn’t work like that, we don’t have light duties.”

😱😳😨😱😳😨😱😳😨

And as the HR Manager hearing that direct quote from one of your managers in the tribunal hearing, that may just make your heart sink as you realise that the claimant’s complaints of unlawful disability discrimination and a failure to make reasonable adjustments were well founded, and you’re now writing a cheque for £30k!

The recent noise around ‘sick note Britain’ and cutting back on workplace sickness absence is indeed an issue that needs to be addressed, but we need to have managers and leaders trained, skilled and able, to handle conversations around these topics.

Sometimes it can feel uncomfortable, sometimes frustrating, especially when you are under pressure and feeling exasperated, but finding the right words and bringing the right attitude is so important, or you run the risk of opening your mouth and blurting out something that will cost you £thousands further down the line.

Dealing with sickness absence and requests for reasonable adjustments isn’t just following the process and ticking boxes; it’s also about the ability to have conversations that matter and balancing the needs of the business with those of the employee. Something that may well have escaped the attention of the senior manager in the above tribunal case!

Your managers may need help to develop that skill and confidence and I would love to help them get there - drop me a note if you’d rather avoid paying the £30k tribunal award and let’s create a solution for you?

30/04/2024

Ever wondered why some people just wind you up, whilst others you slip into easy conversation with?

As a manager of a team you might find yourself frustrated at folks who just ‘don’t get it!!’ - but is that them, you, both, neither?

Maybe there’s a rumble of conflict as they need to go about things in a completely different way?

In managing a team it’s essential that we have a range of opinions, that people bring healthy debate, and that a problem is considered from a variety of positions, and in understanding what makes your team members tick, and what their different needs are is crucial if you’re going to get the best out of them.

Today’s podcast with Kerry Lockyer from Oomph Learning explores the importance of ‘adapting to connect’ and I hope you find it useful and enlightening!

The Really Useful Conversations podcast can be found on all the usual platforms, and this week’s episode is right here ➡️ ⬇️

Are you looking for a way to increase self-awareness, develop your leaders, improve your sales or simply develop a high performing team? I may have the answer for you! In this week’s Really Useful Conversations podcast I get to chat with the wonderful award winning, professional speaker, Learning ...