The Combat Sports Herald

15/12/2021

I think we can all agree it's the right decision...

SYDNEY, NSW – An otherwise supportive, healthy 6-year marriage has fallen apart overnight as Sarah Cleary, mother to 3 beautiful children has been issued with divorce papers by the lawyer of Max Cleary, her soon to be ex-husband. People close to the couple have noted that the marriage was absolute...

13/12/2021

Wishing you a speedy recovery!

WASHINGTON, VA – UFC Featherweight and BJJ ace Ryan Hall has revealed he carried numerous injuries going into his most recent fight, including stress fractures in his L3 and L4 vertebrae directly caused by carrying the entire hopes of the BJJ community. BJJ enthusiasts for some time have been disa...

12/12/2021

The transition is complete.

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA – Newly minted BJJ enthusiast and JRE enthusiast Allan Partridge has officially made the transition from “Joe Rogan” to “Joe” when referring to the famed podcaster, comedian, and MMA commentator. The change in vernacular has indicated to close friends and acquaintances...

11/12/2021

Alexander “The Great” Volkanovski Declares Hometown Of Windang “Sovereign Kingdom,” Assembles Army To March On Sydney....

https://combatsportsherald.com/alexander-the-great-volkanovski-declares-hometown-of-windang-sovereign-kingdom-assembles-army-to-march-on-sydney/

THE KINGDOM OF WINDANG – UFC featherweight champion and candidate for best 145-pounder of all time Alexander “The Great” Volkanovski has by royal decree declared Windang, an area approximately 50 miles south of Sydney a sovereign kingdom. Alarming scouting reports coming in reveal an army of s...

09/12/2021

"We have the exclusive right here"

https://combatsportsherald.com/interview-craig-jones-admits-he-left-dds-because-gordon-ryan-wouldnt-tell-him-where-to-buy-steroids/

AUSTIN, TX – One of the biggest stories this year has been the breakup of the most successful team in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, being the Danaher Death Squad. Whilst speculation around this has swirled for some time now, the Combat Sports Herald can finally reveal the true reason for the split...

08/12/2021

BREAKING

https://combatsportsherald.com/john-cena-joins-ufc-commentary-team-for-chinese-language-espn-broadcast/

LOS ANGELES, CA – Musclebound, 100% cornfed, All-American and notable China apologist John Cena has been tapped by the UFC brass to join the Chinese language broadcast team as they continue to make inroads into the lucrative China market. Citing Mr Cena’s fluent Mandarin skills as well as willin...

07/12/2021

"Sometimes More Then Once... We Umm... Heard"

https://combatsportsherald.com/halle-berry-mma-movie-bruised-paused-to-search-for-tissue-box-sock/

MEN, EVERYWHERE – Reports have come flooding in to Combat Sports Herald about men around the world hurriedly searching for either a tissue box or the less desirable sock whilst watching Halle Berry play “Jackie Justice” in the must watch MMA move, “Bruised.” The fact it is an MMA movie...

07/12/2021

"It's Finally Happening"

https://combatsportsherald.com/paul-vs-woodley-2-most-anticipated-rematch-since-ali-vs-frasier/

LAS VEGAS, NV – The rematch that the fans have been demanding has finally been announced. Paul vs Woodley 2 is happening after Jake Paul’s original opponent Tommy Fury was forced to withdraw with an undisclosed medical issue. In what is being seen by boxing aficionado’s as the first step...

06/12/2021

https://combatsportsherald.com/start-up-launches-service-allowing-clients-to-hire-mike-tyson-to-handle-salary-reviews/

SILICON VALLEY, CA – In what has been described as a revolution in employer/employee relations and heralded as paradigm shift in the power imbalance that exists across corporate America and around the world, US based start-up “PayUp” has recently launched, promising to help employees get the p...

06/12/2021

05/12/2021

BREAKING NEWS!

https://combatsportsherald.com/breaking-whistle-blower-reveals-ufc-was-in-negotiation-with-jeffrey-epstein-for-fight-island/

LAS VEGAS, NV – UFC documents revealed by an inside source with close access to senior management have revealed preliminary email exchanges took place between the UFC and Mr Epstein during the initial stages of the COVID pandemic. Whilst negotiations did not eventuate as result of Mr Epsteins inca...

04/12/2021

https://combatsportsherald.com/jimmy-the-brute-crute-reflects-on-5-second-creative-process-to-decide-nickname/

BENDIGO, AUSTRALIA – Up-and-coming light heavyweight sensation Jimmy Crute has spoken to the Combat Sports Herald about the rapid creative process he went through to come up up with his nickname “The Brute.” The Australian 26-year-old who has exhibited prowess both as a knockout artist and sub...

03/12/2021

https://combatsportsherald.com/brazilian-bjj-elites-pool-money-to-buy-latest-gordon-ryan-instructional/

In what could be the beginnings of a real threat to the unprecedented dominance of Gordon Ryan in No Gi grappling, sources have confirmed up to 15 of Brazils top competitors have agreed to combine their resources to purchase a single copy of Gordon Ryan’s latest instructional. Whilst representing ...

03/12/2021

"Another big win for the McGregor empire"

https://combatsportsherald.com/conor-mcgregors-proper-12-awarded-best-whiskey-bottle-to-use-as-weapon-during-all-in-pub-brawl/

DUBLIN, IRELAND – In yet another win for the Conor McGregor business empire, the superstar Irishman’s own Proper 12 Whiskey has received the illustrious accolade as the “Number 1 Whiskey Bottle To Use In An All-In Pub Brawl.” It should be noted that this award represents the absolute pinnacl...

03/12/2021

"Congrats Big Guy..."

https://combatsportsherald.com/bouncer-who-choked-out-dillon-danis-super-excited-to-get-2nd-stripe-on-white-belt/

SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ – 23-year-old Chance The Bouncer who infamously choked out self-proclaimed elite black belt Dillon Danis at a local bar has told a Combat Sports Herald reporter that he is “super excited” about finally becoming a 2-stripe white belt. “Yeah it’s been a real tough 7 month...

02/12/2021

"All glory goes to the fundamental forces of nature..."

https://combatsportsherald.com/atheist-fighter-dedicates-win-to-newtons-3rd-law-of-energy-conservation-in-post-fight-speech/

CHICAGO, IL – After a back-and-forth standup war, UFC veteran Allan Jackson finished the fight with a vicious right hand on the end of a rapid fired 4-punch combination that left his opponent Sean Ng on the cavass just 31 seconds into the 2nd round. In his post-fight interview with...

02/12/2021

"Based on a true story..."

https://combatsportsherald.com/bar-patron-looking-to-start-fight-makes-key-strategic-error-by-saying-i-train-ufc-brah/

MOUNT DRUITT, SYDNEY – In what onlookers described as a “real rookie mistake,”local eshay and 19-year-old Nautica enthusiast Dean “Eenodayz” Goodwin has been rendered unconcious with a backhand slap from security guard Manase Faunua after telling him “he trains UFC brah and don’t f**k ...

02/12/2021

"Just like BJJ, excuses are all about the details"

https://combatsportsherald.com/bjj-coach-impressed-with-elaborate-bu****it-story-behind-why-blue-belt-hasnt-been-in-class-lately/

LONDON, ENGLAND – Local East End BJJ Gym Owner Michael York has confessed that he is pleasantly surprised by the degree of detail in the bu****it story he is currently listening to from one of his blue belts who has been absent from class for the last 3 months. “I...

02/12/2021

"Facts don't care about your feelings"

https://combatsportsherald.com/fact-chuck-norris-roundhouse-kick-so-powerful-that-when-it-connects-steve-mazagatti-stops-the-fight/

Such a fact requires no further clarification. Chuck Norris clarifies nothing, his words impart knowledge instantly.

02/12/2021

"We spoke to Professor Allan Rainbow-Virgin about the histroic night."

https://combatsportsherald.com/mortal-kombat-intersex-bout-applauded-as-step-in-the-right-direction-for-womens-rights-by-harvard-professor/

SHANG-TSUNGs ISLAND, OUTWORLD – In a widely applauded move by womens rights activists, The Young Turks and everyone that spends more then 7 hours on social media per day, the Mortal Kombat Fighting Championship has featured the first of many intersex fights in their recent fight cards. MKFC rose t...

28/11/2021