The National Scooper

The National Scooper Throughout its 92 year history the Scooper, as it is affectionately called by locals, has striven to provide its citizens with the most up to date news. Mr.

Now, the Scooper runs fazzler.com and the broadstreetbeacon.com. The Nevada County Scooper, now the National Scooper (more on that in a minute), was founded on June 12th, 1914, by Fred Bloomfield III, Esq. and his wife Vinalla A. Bloomfield. Throughout its 92-year history, the Scooper, as locals affectionately call it, has striven to provide its citizens with the most up-to-date and hard-hitting j

ournalism ever witnessed by mankind. As the recipient of many awards, the Scooper recently ran out of wall space in its Penn Valley office after receiving a Gold Record from long-time supporter and Scooper reader, fan, and supporter Alice Cooper. Early History

In its early days, the Scooper was published from downtown Grass Valley and was the chief competitor to another unnamed local newspaper. During this time, the Scooper did not own a printing press, nor did they have the courage to borrow one. And frankly, they didn’t have the funds either. So the Scooper relied solely on shouting at people on the street to circulate the news. Later in the 1930s, the Scooper expanded its shouting service to Nevada City, often paying vagrants to assault citizens with the news. Bloomfield was a firm believer in enlightened self-interest and believed that he was serving both the community and the paper’s interests. Also, he liked to yell. The original Scooper building was consumed by fire in 1946, 1947, 1952, 1963, 1970, and for good measure, 1984. Middle History

In 1949, after 17 long years of World War II, the Scooper finally purchased a printing press. However, due to the untimely death of Mr. Bloomfield’s wife in a bizarre gardening accident, he decided to sell his holdings in the newspaper to the Hearst Corporation for an undisclosed sum. The monies from this transaction were used for various failed housing developments around Nevada County, including the infamous “retirement homes over Wolf Creek” project. The few homes that were built fell into the creek after the record snow melt of 1951. Following the abrupt departure of Scooper Publisher Charles Foster Kane in 1952, “the Great Savior,” also known as David Covino, took the Scooper’s helm and turned the struggling paper into a profitable enterprise. Covino stayed in charge until 1989 when a trust fund alcoholic named Harold F. Buck took over and nearly destroyed the Scooper with reckless spending, all-night parties, and lots of company-purchased booze. He remained the publisher until 2011, when he was found blacked out at Greenhorn creek. Fresh History

After over 94 years in the news business, the holding company sold the Scooper and its assets to former Fresno State math genius Randall “Fink” Finkelstein. Fink immediately set out to build a world-class local newspaper, as he put it, “for the rest of us in Nevada County…and maybe Sierra County if I can ever get up there.” His goal of bringing cosmopolitan worldliness and insightful blog commentary to Nevada County is first and foremost. Unless there’s money to be made in Sierra City, he will also include them. But that didn't work out, so Fink expanded the Scooper's reach nationwide because he loved the ZZ Top song. And thus, the National Scooper was born.

The Chemtrail Action Network (CAN) announced the first-ever traveling Chemtrail Film Festival coming to Nevada City, CA ...
01/06/2026

The Chemtrail Action Network (CAN) announced the first-ever traveling Chemtrail Film Festival coming to Nevada City, CA this August. The film festival will be making its first stop in the secluded Sierra Nevada Foothills town for a 4 day

The Chemtrail Action Network (CAN) announced the first-ever traveling Chemtrail Film Festival coming to Nevada City, CA this August. The film festival will be making its first stop in the secluded Sierra Nevada Foothills town for a 4 day run starting on the 14th of August and running until the 18th.

Donald Trump unleashed “GitFurbersale” in a late-night Diet Coke-fueled rant. The Fazzler explores its absurd rise from ...
01/06/2026

Donald Trump unleashed “GitFurbersale” in a late-night Diet Coke-fueled rant. The Fazzler explores its absurd rise from gibberish to political creed, with reactions from California farmers, teachers, and politicians.

Before you say, 'But I can't wear a chatbot!,' is this water usage for the pair of jeans you need or the pair of jeans y...
01/06/2026

Before you say, 'But I can't wear a chatbot!,' is this water usage for the pair of jeans you need or the pair of jeans you bought because they were on sale?

10,000 Liters = 1 pair of jeans OR ~20,000 tasks solved. Pick your poison.

Complaining about AI's water footprint while ignoring agriculture (or the fashion industry) is mathematically absurd.

Cotton uses "Green Water": Much of that 10,000 liters is rainwater falling naturally on a field. If the cotton wasn't there, the rain would still fall. Only about 2,000–4,000 liters (depending on the region) is "Blue Water" (irrigation pumped from lakes/aquifers).

Data Centers use "Blue Water": 100% of the water used by data centers is pumped, treated, and often potable (drinking quality).
Even if we only count the irrigated water for cotton (to make it a fair "pumped water" vs. "pumped water" fight), the ratio is still massive. 1 pair of jeans (irrigated water only) = ~4,000 AI sessions.

So why is everyone complaining about AI?

1) The "Hyper-Local" Parasite Effect: Cotton fields are spread across millions of acres. Data centers are concrete blocks that concentrate their thirst in a single neighborhood.

2) The Exponential Curve: Cotton production is relatively flat; we aren't suddenly producing 10x more jeans next year.

That is not to say there aren't significant, what economist nerds call "negative economic externalities," but I think it's safe to say this focus on water as a metric is not the right path.

Nevada City, CA -- Several readers have contacted Gish Gallop with reports of a mysterious light beam emanating from the...
01/06/2026

Nevada City, CA -- Several readers have contacted Gish Gallop with reports of a mysterious light beam emanating from the sky above Nevada City, CA. According to more than one caller, the mysterious light beam seemed to originate beyond sight in the upper atmosphere and "landed" on Coyote Street in north Nevada City. No injuries were reported.

"I was getting off on Uren Street when I heard what I thought was buzzing thunder," said local fixture Toby "Doob" Carnevale of Nevada City. "Which was weird because it was sunny. I was on my way to cash a check at SPD [market] when I saw this flash of light. So I pulled over and snapped a picture. I didn't think it could be dangerous or anything like that."

According to other witnesses, the light lasted for about 2 minutes and was silent except for the initial buzzing sound that many reported.

"I don't know what to make of it," said Nevada City resident Stacy Grant who had just picked up her kids from swimming at Pioneer Park. "My daughter saw it first and said 'whoa,' that's when we all heard the buzzing, and we pulled over. There was no cloud in sight, so it wasn't lightning or anything like that."

There have been numerous sightings of similar light beams over the Earth in the past few days. The most famous one was spotted just before the massive explosion in Tianjin, China. Many have speculated that this beam is a space weapon created by the United States government and that the explosion in Tianjin was the first shot in escalating tensions between the US and China.

"The word is already out that we are at war with China," said amateur astronomer and conspiracy theory expert Keith Bradenshauer of Alta Sierra. "Many of us who've been studying this already know the United States has weaponized space. And this, while not the Black Knight Satellite, uses the technology we lifted from it during a rendezvous we had with it a few years ago on a Space Shuttle mission. It's a vaporizing weapon."

There have been no reports of injuries or property damage.

A picture of the mysterious light beam taken by Toby "Doob" Carnevale of Nevada City.

Nevada City, CA -- The Shroud of Turin, the linen cloth that some Christians believe to be the burial shroud containing ...
01/06/2026

Nevada City, CA -- The Shroud of Turin, the linen cloth that some Christians believe to be the burial shroud containing an image of the head of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, is going to be displayed at the Nevada City Chamber of Commerce beginning next January. The ancient cloth is on a world tour and Nevada City was one of 47 cities selected to host the sacred artifact. This will be the only United States stop and it will be on display for one month before being traveling on to the Philippines.

There are few verified historical records about the shroud prior to the 14th century. Although there are numerous reports of Jesus' burial shroud being venerated in various locations before the 14th century, there is little reliable historical evidence that these refer to the shroud currently housed in the Turin Cathedral. Scholars have long assumed that such ancient artifacts were mere publicity stunts to attract pilgrims and monetary tributes. Nevada City is hoping to cash in on the shroud.

"We are thrilled to have the shroud here," said planning commission member Damon Gailansky. "It's emblematic of our desire to go fully historic and return Nevada City to a time free of the trappings of modernity. An era before electricity and cell phones when people died unexpectedly from dysentery and settled disputes honorably with handgun duels and knives and arrows. Having the Jesus cloth here will make Nevada City great again."

Nevada City was chosen due to its mild climate and the fact that it is one of only seven registered spiritual vortices on planet Earth. It's also regarded as one of the more tolerant and progressive cities, having been the first in the nation to elect a police dog for the city council and subsequently honored by local liberals with several parades and a statue in Robinson Plaza, near where the shroud will be displayed.

"It was a natural fit," said Deputy Minister of Italian Antiquities Alvaro Padovesi via an Italian translator in a telephone interview. "Nevada City's capacity for 'woo' is extraordinary and legendary. So the Shroud will be in good hands."

According to the Chamber of Commerce, tickets to see the Shroud will be $65 for adults, $15 for children and each visitor will get a coupon for a free taco at one of the city's taquerias.

The Shroud of Turin, the linen cloth bearing the image of a man that some Christians believe to be the burial shroud of Jesus of Nazareth, is going to be displayed at the Nevada City Chamber of Commerce starting in January 2019.

A chilling investigation reveals ferrite beads on USB cables may be secret Gates Foundation surveillance tools, tracing ...
01/06/2026

A chilling investigation reveals ferrite beads on USB cables may be secret Gates Foundation surveillance tools, tracing a conspiracy from Windows 2.0 to global data harvesting cloaked in charity.

A Midland Texas man is in stable condition at Midland Memorial Hospital after he decided to have a "back alley" vasectom...
01/06/2026

A Midland Texas man is in stable condition at Midland Memorial Hospital after he decided to have a "back alley" vasectomy in the neighboring town of Odessa.

Tragedy struck the usually quaint town of Lumberton, NC this past week after a gamer got out of control.
01/06/2026

Tragedy struck the usually quaint town of Lumberton, NC this past week after a gamer got out of control.

In an 8-1 decision, the Alabama Supreme Courte ruled that all citizens must obey the word of God.
01/06/2026

In an 8-1 decision, the Alabama Supreme Courte ruled that all citizens must obey the word of God.

Grass Valley, CA -- The BriarPatch Co-op in Grass Valley is experimenting with a new form of checkout lane that relies o...
01/06/2026

Grass Valley, CA -- The BriarPatch Co-op in Grass Valley is experimenting with a new form of checkout lane that relies on the good graces of their shoppers. The "Pay It Forward" checkout line allows BriarPatch customers to pay for the groceries of the person directly behind them in line.

"Pay it forward" is an expression for a good deed repaid to others by the original benefactor of a good deed. The concept is old, and Lily Hardy Hammond may have coined the phrase in her 1916 book In the Garden of Delight. The BriarPatch is taking their lead from the Pay It Forward film starring Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt. In the movie, a person who receives one good deed has to "Pay it Forward" with a good deed for three other individuals. How this will work in a grocery store checkout line is not known at this point, but it is undoubtedly a lofty gesture.

"I don't know how this is going to work," said longtime BriarPatch employee Nathan Johnson while shopping at the Grass Valley Grocery Outlet supermarket. "I mean, do customers have to pay for three people behind them in line? What if there are only two people in line? What if you are the only person? I think they need to work those kinks out."

Details are sketchy, but according to sources within the BriarPatch, they plan on installing this particular checkout lane at the register nearest the deli. Customers using this lane will be encouraged to pay for the people behind them. As an incentive for being the first person in line, which means no one ahead of you to pay for your goods, the BriarPatch is offering 50% off membership costs and a year's supply of nutritional yeast and h**p hearts to help offset the initial costs.

"All I know is that I don't want to be the first one in line," said Janet Williams of Cedar Ridge as she dug through her purse, looking for her car keys. "Maybe they could start small. You know, make the lane available only for chewing gum purchases. And then move up from there. God knows that one bag of groceries here is like $80.00."

Not everyone in the community was happy about this new checkout procedure.

"Look," said former Supervisor and part-time blogger Todd "Toodles" DeVos. "They're doing all of this because the Trimmigants are arriving in town to chop up dope. It's harvest season for hippies and stoners. What better way to get them to come to your hippy store than to try some Liberal prank like this? I can't believe people can't see through this Political Correctness."

According to BriarPatch insiders, the Pay It Forward checkout line will start operations by the end of this month.

The “Pay It Forward” checkout line allows BriarPatch customers to pay for the groceries of the person directly behind them in line.

Grass Valley, CA -- Cedar Ridge resident Janet Williams found herself in the Starbucks drive-thru late Saturday afternoo...
01/06/2026

Grass Valley, CA -- Cedar Ridge resident Janet Williams found herself in the Starbucks drive-thru late Saturday afternoon and she's not sure why. Ms. Williams was returning home from visiting her troubled and long-time friend Shelly Wagner of Grass Valley, and apparently made a habitual right turn into the Starbucks parking lot on Freeman Lane.

"I have to be honest," said a terse Ms. Williams speaking via telephone, "I didn't even realize I was in the Starbucks drive-thru line until I was 3 cars deep. In fact, I didn't even order my usual Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato. When I got to the window, the lady handed me a Venti Iced Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato, Sugar-Free Syrup, Extra Shot, Light Ice, No Whip. Then it dawned on me that I was gonna be too wired to go to sleep. It's like I was in a trance or something."

According to drive-thru cashier Diane "Di" McWhirter, Ms. Williams seemed confused and disoriented.

"She comes through here every day. She's never really friendly or anything. Not mean either," said Ms. McWhirter after her shift. "I said 'hi' like I always do and started joking with her about her new drink order. She did not think it was funny and started looking around as if she was lost. She just paid and drove off quickly."

Experts say Ms. Williams automatic drive-thru experience is more common than you might think.

"We're seeing more of this," said Professor James Badwater of the University of Chicago's Badwater Institute for Public Policy. "There isn't an official term for this, but we're calling it pathological corporate hypnosis for the time being. We blame automation for this. As people give up what used to be normal human tasks, like say, navigating with a map, we're finding that they're more susceptible to unconscious coercion from corporations', as I call them, tempting sirens. That's how you can find yourself scarfing down a Burrito Supreme in your car after passing a Taco Bell, and not know how that happened."

As for Janet Williams, she promised herself to pay more attention next time.

"Look, I guess I was distracted dealing with Shelly's constant bu****it," continued Ms. Williams, "So I just have to pay attention more, you know? And besides, that Venti Iced Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato, Sugar-Free Syrup, Extra Shot, Light Ice, No Whip was just awful, although I drank it anyway."

Cedar Ridge resident and frequent Starbucks patron Janet Williams didn't remember why she was in the popular chain's drive-thru located on Freeman Lane.

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Nevada City, CA
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https://www.broadstreetbeacon.com/

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