05/09/2025
A child who complains constantly is not a ‘negative’ child.
They are a child who has learned that complaining is the most effective way to get connection and attention.
You hear the whining, and your frustration builds.
You engage, you argue, you try to solve it, and you give them your full, exhausted attention.
Let's call it what it really is.
It is a broken feedback loop that you have helped create.
Their complaint is a bid for your focus, and your tired, stressed-out reaction is the reward they were seeking.
You have unintentionally trained them that a positive contribution is ignored, while a negative grievance gets immediate results.
Friction has become their path to you.
This is how you create an adult who defaults to criticism to feel important.
A partner who only knows how to connect through conflict.
A person who cannot ask for what they want in a positive way because they were programmed to believe negativity is the only way to be heard.
Break the cycle. Lavish your attention on the first moment of peace. Reward the first attempt at solving the problem themselves.
You must retrain their brain, and your own, to see that positivity, not complaining, is what truly brings you together.
Author: Arsalan Moin
