11/10/2025
Yesterday āshouldā have been one of the most enjoyable runs of the training block (if not the year). Instead, for the first time I stepped into a state of fear and struggle.
It is peak leaf season here in Chattanooga, and the colors were absolutely stunning.
13 days out from 100k, I āonlyā had 3 hours (instead of the 4+ I had been doing).
I have done the work, spent the hours, navigated the technical trails, now it is time to celebrate getting to this point and enjoy the trails.
I had taken an impromptu day off the day before, feeling dizzy and dehydrated from overdoing it in the sauna the day before (heat training for Cape Town). I was rested.
And yet, the thickkkkkk cover of leaves meant I couldnāt see the technical trails. The rocks, the tree roots, were hidden in leaves, meaning my feet had to work extra hard to navigate the unexpected.
That leaf cover made me slip into a state of fear. I ran tense as I feared rolling my ankle, feared losing all I have built. I felt the difference in my body and mind in the way I couldnāt wait for this run to be over. To be able to exhale and say, āphew, I made itā.
What could I have done differently? Honestly, Iām not sure. I still have just under two weeks of training, I still need to get my runs in.
Sure, I could avoid the trails altogether, but once you start taking steps like that, anxiety and fear take hold, where does it end?
Would I start avoiding uneven roads?
Would I avoid restaurant food in case it makes me sick, how would I eat in the days before the race, being in Cape Town, where everything is new?
Would I avoid people? Wash my hands obsessively? Avoid my kids in case they give me something. What harm would that do to them long term?
There is obviously a line of being smart and proactively making choices to give yourself the best chance to perform on race day. But yesterday reminded me I donāt want to slip back into old me, fear based me.
Getting to this moment. Being in this fitness. Finishing this training block, thatās the win. Everything else is a cherry on top. Iām gonna do my best, but itās really not about the race at all. Iām so proud of my body for what itās overcomeā¤ļø