My life’s a mess but I give good advice

11/03/2024

I will be back soon!!!! I been gone for too long working on myself!!!

whose ready for a whole bunch of new lives??

10/20/2024

10/11/2024

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If you know me in real life you might say I am doing pretty good for myself. That I am coping well these days. You could say "She works, is going to school, goes to church, coaches her daughters' baseball team, is raising her kids like nothing has happened" The truth is I am just creating distractio...

09/16/2024

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When you start to make changes in your life after something dramatic or chaotic has happen you really start to lose connections with friends and family. I can say I have been through a mess of things, but losing Matthew was the worse. I since then have reassessed my relationship with God.For many ye...

09/03/2024

We all have hurt someone

08/25/2024

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I keep my eyes closer for longer when I have a memory of you. It allows me to sit with you in real time. I know once I open my eyes I am back to reality. The only thing about reliving all the good memories It also brings a flood gate of the bad ones. The things that I regret. Things I wish I could h...

08/19/2024

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My healing journey is just beginning.

It has been a while since I have admitted to myself that I am just pretending I am doing better. When in reality waking up with a hang over and feeling completely empty inside what the startling truth that I am just falling into past habits to help deal with my true feelings. I am not okay. I have n...

08/02/2024

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If there was something all these tragic events in my life have taught me, it would be that moving forward is not moving on. Granted there are some things you do move on from for example, the sh*tty relationship with the abusive narcissist you were with for you whom you thought you loved. That was mo...

07/23/2024

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The thing with life changing situations is that you never know what season you are going to land on and stay at. Somedays I see clear blue sunny skies. The weather is beautiful, and the sun is bright. Then the next day I am in a storm where it is all black and dark. Nothing but wetness but the water...

07/15/2024

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07/08/2024

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The weird thing about dramatic life experiences happening to someone it sometimes makes you wonder and think about the afterlife. If there is a God or some higher power. This isn't just when someone dies. This is when life gets too hard for someone. We are not all built the same way, but we all go t...

06/30/2024

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Every moment of every day I pray for your soul and spirit. You were kind, sweet, and gentle. You always wanted the world to look like a better place because you always had demons. There was nothing none of us could do or say to bring the love you craved. I know the time we spent together you always....

06/28/2024

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Tomorrow Matthew would have been 34. I have been filled with anxiety counting down the days. I don't purposely count it just has now kind of happen. I don't know what is to think. I have been crying tonight and am on my 3rd drink of the night. So, I am feeling a little warm on the inside. I have bee...

06/24/2024

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What no one understand is that I am always counting.1...2...3...37 days...I can't stop..It helps me function. 3 hours till my next medicine30 days till I need a refill1...2...3....5 days till his birth5 days to remember what we had planned5 days to prepare myself for another reality he isn't here.I....

06/20/2024

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Every day I wake up and take two pills. Every 6 hours I take another pill.I read and I read and I read. That is how I am getting by. I go to bed I take a pill. I wake up with the same anxiety.My little vacation did not do anything for the reality I have here at home.Waiting for him to invite me to w...

06/17/2024

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I had to get out of San Antonio for a while. If you know me, I hate to travel. I am never someone who really cares or thinks much about going anywhere, but that has all changed. My anxiety and panic attacks has got the best of me that I really needed something new. So, I packed the girls up for a qu...

06/11/2024

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It's crazy how death and break ups bring out the vultures. It makes me wonder how long these people have been watching. Do they really genuinely care or do they just want a piece of the trauma. Something to talk about later? Do they just want to be able to tell their friends oh yeah, I was there whe...