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Haunted Housewives with Tish and Lily, Pittsburgh, PA (2025)

12/10/2025

Demon House Haunted Attraction LLC.
The Naughty List
Monongahela, PA
December 7, 2025

The holidays are a time for tradition, for revisiting those objects and activities that put you in a merrier mood. Perhaps you love baking cookies or singing carols or viewing holiday lights or shopping until you drop. Well, for Lily and me, it isn’t Christmas until we enter the icy halls of Demon House. Demon House’s holiday event began years ago as a charity venture, a way to raise funds for a haunt actor in distress. (Charles Dickens would approve.) Since then, Demon House’s Christmas haunt has grown, becoming a beloved fixture on the seasonal calendar. It’s easy to see why – Demon House manages to balance creepy and cozy, sentiment and scares, in a way that’s perfect for the holiday.

Part of this is down to set design. The halls are fully decked from the moment you enter the resident fortuneteller’s tent until you face a final encounter with holiday spirits. There isn’t an inch of Demon House that hasn’t been transformed by lights, holly, and tinsel – often in some hilarious and disgusting ways. (If you’ve ever wanted to see a headless body used as a Christmas ornament, or a hallway full of corpses dressed like the cast of The Nutcracker, now’s your chance.) Even the detonator down in the mines has been swathed in wrapping paper. It’s all very twinkly and often tongue-in-cheek.

Demon House has always served up its horror with a hefty dose of humor, and some of the recent changes and additions to Demon House’s scenes make the transition to Christmas a natural one. This fall, Demon House converted its pallet maze into Scary Book Forest, and the fairy tale whimsy has spread to the manor itself, where we’re greeted by a friendly baker whose spread of Christmas goodies (and disdain for naughty children) reminds us of the story of Hansel and Gretel. Some delightfully creepy props help to sell the story. We’re also treated to Demon House’s gruesome version of Light Up Night (which may be one of the best repurposings of a prop that we’ve seen). The asylum and the clown maze remain as dark and surprising as ever, even with a holiday makeover, while the industrial facility has become Santa’s Workshop, under the dubious supervision of a pair of eccentric elves. A harrowing elevator ride dumps us onto the Island of Misfit Toys, before we venture out into Scary Book Forest and on to an unexpected exorcism. (What would a Demon House Christmas be without an exorcism?) The hauntrunners have really thought about how to transform their haunt for the holidays…and how to turn holiday figures into icons of horror. The consistent theme helps. When we enter the manor, the baker asks if we’ve been naughty or nice (Lily throws me under the bus…or the sleigh…immediately). From that point, nearly every creature we meet poses the same question or warns us about the dangers of being naughty. This consistent storyline weaves through the entire haunt. For instance, we get some graphic and gory examples of what happens if you’ve been bad. (The props are created in-house by the creative team, so you won’t see these gooey, bloody bodies on anyone else’s naughty list.) Of course, we finally get to see the infamous Naughty List and of course, our names are on it. From there, it’s just a matter of time until we have to face our punishment…or, because it’s Christmas, redemption.

The place looks great. The theme is clever. But what really makes this event something of a Christmas miracle is the performances. Demon House excels in creating indelible characters and then finding fiercely talented actors to play them. This starts with a scene that could be a throwaway: Lily and I are read the rules of the haunt by a fortuneteller who’s communing with the Ghost of Christmas Past. Okay, the writing is witty and the use of props and effects to underscore the rules is funny and smart (the stove starts smoking just before the fortuneteller cautions “No smoking”). But her loopy, sinister performance makes this scene memorable. The witchy baker is hilariously practical (if Lily and I misbehave, she’s just going to have to bake us into a pie) and the Light Up Night technician’s enthusiasm is infectious. The asylum offers an abrupt change of pace, courtesy of a grinning “nurse” in elf garb and a genuinely unsettling patient who twitched and stumbled as he echoed our words. (He has tried to be festive – he’s braided twinkle lights into his unkempt beard – but he’s too strange and menacing to be really merry.) The clowns are primed for holiday highjinks. Jingle scampers through the halls like a child high on sugar on Christmas morning while her giggling pal delights in a game of hide-and-seek. They deliver us into the anxious hands of type-A elf, Holly, who’s been charged with checking the list twice. Clearly, Holly has spent years in Santa’s HR department. She tries to be reassuring as she delivers the bad news to us. Her pal Jolly on the other hand is absolutely ecstatic to hand us over for punishment. She’s a fountain of jokes and jabs, threatening to bite us one minute and laughing with (or at) us the next. We run smack into a misfit doll (frankly, we don’t get it – she’s gorgeous) and a giant teddy bear who is both adorable and threatening. And all this happens before we’re released into Scary Book Forest, where the walls are decked with rhymes about Gingerbread Riding Hood, Miss Muffet, and the Three Little Pigs (turns out they were on the naughty list) as well as a set that combines Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater with The Toxic Avenger. The horrific poems are packed with jokes and unexpected twists, speaking to the creativity of the hauntrunners, and this little maze is as full of fun and frights as the house. The creatures that are stirring here are also a hoot, including a vengeful Gingerbread Riding Hood whose movements are perfectly coordinated to the maze’s sound effects. Of course, because we have behaved very badly this year, we find ourselves on the wrong side of jolly ol’ St. Nick. When I plead with him, “Can’t we negotiate this whole ‘naughty list’ thing?”, he pulls out a chainsaw and growls, “Yeah. Let’s negotiate.” Lily and I also run smack into an apparition whose tall, ragged frame is topped with a deer skull. We’d think he was the Wendigo if not for his brightly glowing red nose. We also find our path blocked by a hostile snowman who’s looking for some spare parts. The final scene sends us into Whoville where a funny, manic Who shaman tries to perform an exorcism. She’s charismatic and commanding, offering a weird and wonderful end to our journey.

Demon House is a playful, original attraction whose props and makeup are designed and done in-house. You won’t see their scenes and effects anywhere else. You’ll also find very few places that combine charnel house and charm as effectively. If you’re looking to add a new tradition to your holiday calendar, Demon House will make sure that your days are scary and bright..

COST: $25 but you get $10 off admission if you bring a donation for Toys for Tots – or you can seek out their Groupon.

CONCESSIONS: Yes, you can get hot drinks and other treats at their concessions stand.

OTHER STUFF TO DO: The Demon House shop sells branded merchandise made while you wait. You can also buy amazing hats, ornaments and jewelry. Also onsite: Spooky Treasures wish jewelry and dowsing rods, and Kryptic Kre8tions, with their inventive, creepy dolls. The shops take cash but there is an ATM onsite. There’s also an outdoor theater showing seasonal movies and a cozy fire pit.

12/06/2025

Crawford School of Terror
A Very Crawford Christmas
Connellsville, PA
December 5, 2025

The old school building is bedecked with lights, shining pink, orange, and green on this cold December night. A crowd wrapped in thick coats and scarves mills around in the schoolyard, their mittened hands clutching cups of coffee and cocoa. A figure in red velvet and fur with a bulging sack on his back weaves through the crowd, peering intently into the faces of the merrymakers. He seems to pose a question: “Have you been good this year? Or…bad?” This scene looks festive and sweet, if not for a couple of factors: 1) This is Crawford School of Terror, and 2) that guy ain’t Santa Claus.

Crawford School of Terror has made a name for itself as a dark, detailed haunted attraction that uses design, set dressing, performance, and sheer creativity to scare the crap out of the good people of western Pennsylvania. For ten seasons, the School of Terror has told a gripping tale of madness, revenge, and haunting, sending its ghosts and maniacs through three floors of an old school building in pursuit of hapless humans. This year, for the first time, Crawford has decided to open its doors for a Christmas-themed haunt. Crawford School of Terror approaches this assignment with all the dark humor, attention to detail, and talent for horror that its fans have come to expect.

When you arrive, you’re greeted by a full cast of characters. There’s a tall, menacing goat demon striding through the yard. There’s a beautiful ice princess who, if you’re lucky, will bestow a chilly blessing on you. There’s a manic elf who will run at you bellowing Christmas carols. And there is, of course, the man in the red suit with his sack full of something – it’s Krampusnacht and Krampus himself is here to ensure that naughty children are punished for their bad deeds. It’s fun just to meander through this crowd, listening to twisted holiday songs, and maybe sipping on something delicious from Crawford’s coffee cart. But there are three floors of terror to tackle.

The top floor is still a gorgeously detailed haunted school, but now all the ghosts and monsters are getting ready for the holidays. Classic Christmas commercials play on the big TV in one classroom and the chemistry teacher is trying to perfect her cookie recipe. (Funny – I don’t remember my mom’s cookies having so many body parts in them.) The lunch lady is serving up holiday specials to ungrateful students and lights twinkle on the saw blade in the shop classroom. The festive mood has infected everyone, from the school nurse to the librarian, possibly because there is an elf skipping through the halls, singing skewed versions of familiar holiday tunes. (The poor janitor is still stuck with mopping up ice and snow and tending his shrine to murderous schoolgirl Margaret.) The prom queen has undergone a wintry transformation – the poor girl is still drop-dead gorgeous (heh) but she looks a bit more Olaf than Elsa as she begs guests to help her find her stolen crown. In fact, the entire school is as holly-jolly as it’s possible for a hellmouth to get. There are lights everywhere and swathes of wrapping paper on the walls. (Crawford never does anything by half measures.) But what really makes spirits bright is, well, the spirits who dwell here. The creatures decking (and haunting) the halls are scary and funny, interactive and energetic, and their performances are elevated by excellent makeup and costuming.

Following your visit to the haunted school, you will descend a staircase to the haunted daycare. Even the staircase has been decorated, but its transformation makes it look disturbingly like a throat. The long, twisted strands of red tinsel dangling from the ceiling do nothing to dispel this effect. The daycare is very well suited to a holiday haunt, because it’s filled to the brim with toys. We are guided through a maze of dolls, books, and stuffed animals by a sweetly bizarre young girl with an elaborate dress and the face of a broken doll. She is both playful and creepy as she herds us toward a lightless maze where her friends wait to play hide and seek with us. The creatures who lurk in the walls insult us, mock us, and shock us as we try to feel our way through the dark. It’s a creepy, quirky seasonal celebration.

Oh, but the basement…the basement is where Crawford’s dark heart beats, loud and bloody. The basement has been turned from a backwoods cabin and barn into a winter wonderland. Maybe “wonderland” is the wrong word – the basement is a nightmare vision of the North Pole where everything has gone wrong. As Lily and I wander through a Christmas tree forest, we’re attacked by a crazed elf who follows us into a slaughterhouse. We’re confronted by a very angry reindeer who isn’t about to pull anyone’s sleigh. There are other dark elves lurking around every corner, and in the rafters of Santa’s workshop. (When we say that scares come from every direction, we mean EVERY direction.) We play a particularly diabolical game of “Animatronic or Actor” that has me shrieking and running into walls. Santa is sinister, and Mrs. Claus is a murderous Appalachian meemaw. And you really don’t want to see what’s lurking in the animal pens. While the upper floors of A Very Crawford Christmas are playfully creepy and darkly funny, the basement is flat-out scary.

Over the past decade, Crawford School of Terror has turned itself into a community hub and expanded its offerings through the seasons. A Very Crawford Christmas is a standout new event and one more reason to put Connellsville on your holiday map. Just be sure before you enter these shadowy halls that you’ve been good this year – Krampus is waiting.

Cost: $25 for general admission.

Safety Protocols, Group Size, Etc.: You go through with only your group.

Concessions: Coffee at Crawford, the onsite coffee shop, offered themed coffees and other beverages.

Other Stuff To Do: There are actors all over the yard.

Other Stuff To Know: It’s cold – but what do you expect? It’s a Christmas haunt. Bundle up and enjoy the craziness.

12/06/2025

First Christmas haunt of the season!!!

11/19/2025

FEAR FIELD
St. Clairsville, OH
November 14, 2025

T: “We need gas.”

L: “Really? NOW?!”

T: “It’s okay. I’ll pump the gas. But you have to go in and pay for it. I’ll give you the money.”

L: “What?! Why do I have to go in??”

T: “Look at me!”

L: “Look at ME!!”

T: “Yeah, you’re a mess, but if I go in looking like this, they’ll call the cops.”

Reader, this was an actual exchange between us somewhere on the outskirts of Wheeling, West Virginia, after surviving Fear Field’s end-of-season Blood Bath event. Lily and I had done exactly what the hauntrunner had suggested: we brought a change of clothes. We brought towels. We brought wipes. And we still looked like we had crawled out of the last frames of “The Evil Dead.”

We should have come to expect this out-of-pocket messiness from Fear Field. Fear Field is a haunted trail just over the Ohio border, tucked in a fold of the mountains on the edge of dark woods. Throughout the Halloween season, Fear Field invites brave souls into a fortress built years ago by a group of settlers who stumbled onto this dark hollow and began worshipping the things that live in the shadows. Fear Field is completely, realistically committed to a single theme. Plenty of haunted attractions feature cannibal hillbillies, but Fear Field dedicates itself to creating a whole village of cannibal hillbillies. You won’t run into any pop culture villains; you won’t see any vampires or ghosts. You might see some backwoods witches and mutilated monsters, but everything is on theme. It seems that ages ago, a group of settlers got lost in the mountains and struck an unholy bargain with the dark gods of this unquiet corner of earth. Along the way, the inhabitants of Fear Field developed some, er, unconventional appetites. The haunted trail teases out this story as the poor, hapless visitors who stumble into this village make their way past diabolical chapels, over covered bridges, through lightless mazes, and into a gory slaughterhouse.

The set design is gorgeously, horrifically authentic, as you’ll see from the moment you enter the compound. An abandoned bus has been spray-painted with the words “Fear Field”. Just beyond it is a yard filled with objects collected from visitors who never made it out of the field – there are Christmas decorations, toys…and bones. Throughout the haunt, you’ll see old tools and animal skulls. Everything is scavenged or handmade. Nothing is “pretty,” but it all has a terrible beauty. Lily and I crept through the haunt, crouching, whispering, and flinching at every noise, but at one point, we were brought to a complete standstill by the sight of a masked figure playing an instrument – the hauntrunner called it a “body mill” – in the middle of a firelit clearing. The sight and sound were so eerie that they stopped Lily and me in our tracks.
Other sections of the trail – like that covered bridge and a dark maze – are so tension-inducing that they had Lily muttering, “Oh, I don’t like this at all.” Fear Field is so convincing, so authentic, that it’s possible to forget that you didn’t just happen on this cannibal camp by chance.

If the look and the theme aren’t enough to convince you to visit Fear Field, how about the promise of being doused with gallons of (fake) blood? A couple of times a year, the hauntrunners invite guests to don white clothing and try to make it past all the murderous rednecks unscathed. Spoiler alert: you won’t. The inhabitants of Fear Field are experts in bloodletting and will spray you with blood, or dump it on you, or sq**rt it at you from a distance. And I don’t know what recipe these monsters use for their gore, but it feels realistic, sticky and icky. Plus, they’re very generous with the hemoglobin. Everyone from the witch queen at the gate who slyly painted us with blood when we weren’t looking to the hulking killer in the slaughterhouse who pelted us with the red stuff was determined to make as big a mess as possible. (Hence my reluctance to walk into a brightly lit gas station at the end of the night.) It’s gleeful, gross fun.

“Fun” is really the emphasis at Blood Bath. Although there are some atmospheric moments of increasing dread and some terrific jump scares (one of them courtesy of a maniac in a pig mask), this event is about having a messy good time. The performers at Blood Bath, the wandering family members and cultists, are relentless. They will stalk you, chase you, taunt you. We were shocked to learn at the end of the night that the haunt had only about half their usual staff. Those actors managed to be everywhere.

Fear Field’s Blood Bath was a terrific way to end Haunt Season 2025. Between the beautifully realized setting, the enthusiastic performances, and the sheer gooey fun of running around a trail at night while being doused in blood, Lily and I felt like we were part of a slasher film come to life. It’s a bloody blast – just be sure to stop for gas before you hit the haunt.

Cost:: $15 online; $20 at the haunt.

Safety Protocols, Group Size, Etc.: The haunt is pretty much entirely outdoors and you go through with only your original group.

Concessions: The sweet maniacs at Fear Field were handing out delicious hot chocolate to guests who braved the trail.

Other Stuff to Know: Fear Field offers glow necklaces for kids (or other visitors) who want to avoid some of the scares.

11/05/2025

Crawford School of Terror
Over 18 Night
Connellsville, PA
November 1, 2025

Back when I was in college, one of my Halloween rituals was going to see Rocky Horror on Friday nights. My friends and I threw toast and toilet paper and yelled dirty jokes at the screen. We laughed and screamed and (in the words of the movie’s main character) gave ourselves over to absolute pleasure. It was vulgar. It was a little scary. It was a lot of fun.

Now, imagine that you are not going to see Rocky Horror; imagine instead that you’re in it. Your car has broken down outside a looming abandoned schoolhouse and you have to seek shelter for the night. Imagine that you’re dragged inside by a pair of guys in gimp masks and placed at the mercy of the funny, creepy, oversexed, unhinged maniacs that dwell in these dark halls. That’s Over 18 Night at Crawford School of Terror.

During most of the Halloween season, Crawford School is diabolically dark, an exercise in pure terror. But for one night, the monsters let their ids out to play. With Over 18 Night, the hauntrunners at Crawford have crafted a HIGHLY interactive adventure that’s filthy and funny. Guests are invited – nay, required – to participate in a range of scenes. At the start of the evening, you’re given a prop bag that includes several objects you might need throughout your journey, including money that will allow you to buy your way out of one challenge. But with that one safeguard aside, all bets are off. You may have to swallow something nasty, crawl on all fours, stick your hand into a body cavity, or bark like a dog. The innuendos and insults are constant; the challenges are ribald and gross. (You should know what you’re in for when you see that your prop bag includes a condom and a baby wipe.) Bring a sense of humor and leave your fancy clothes (and your inhibitions and your dignity) at home.

If you’re a haunt enthusiast, this post-season romp will give you a chance to appreciate the design at Crawford School of Terror, the claustrophobic corridors, the winding paths, the halls hung with pages ripped from books or covered with stuffed animals. Long stretches of the building are still spine-chilling. One of the members of our group alternated between yelling “No” and “EFF NO” at the eerie collection of toys in the decrepit daycare. (This is not the place to visit if you have a fear of haunted dolls.) Honestly, Lily and I TRIED to pay attention to the clever layout of the rooms, the exquisitely dreadful details. But that’s a little hard to do when you’re being ordered to drop to your knees and take a shot of some suspiciously thick white liquid “like a good girl.”

The School sticks (sort of) to its regular themes. The health teacher has some vital lessons to impart, for example. As you pick your way through the halls, you have to help the science teacher with her experiments; you may be asked to try the lunch lady’s latest concoction. The janitor needs some assistance in the restroom while the school nurse needs to conduct a thorough examination, and the VICE principal has some punishments to dole out. But wait! There's more! Lily and I are forced to participate in a, um, hands-on group project. There's also a deranged shop teacher and an administrator who has his mind on bodies other than the student body. The performances are laugh-out-loud funny and completely feral. The monsters clearly enjoy this chance to stretch their muscles; the format allows them to banter and improvise. It also allows them to torment the dumb humans at their mercy. (Gomez still isn’t sure how he ended up in the stirrups, but I think he enjoyed it.) The scenes are immersive but briskly paced, offering little down time between the dizzying, demented encounters.

Down in the basement, the Over 18 theme allows Meemaw and her kids to really cut loose. These backwoods cannibals were born for events like this. There’s a creepy scene where two of her in**ed children alternate lust and violence, while her oldest son just wants to make some friends. Don’t bother to ask him his name – he’ll grin, stick out a paw and say, “Don’t rightly know. Meemaw always calls me F**kin’ Ugly!” Meemaw herself trails us through her cabin and offers us a little bite to eat. (Gomez was pretty lucky with Meemaw’s selection; Lily not so much.) There’s also a moment of pure terror in the maze of animal pens when something that looks like a prop…isn’t. Because it’s Crawford, you can count on some thrilling jump scares in between the raunchy scenes.

You can opt to wear a glow necklace, which signals to the demons and deviants that you’re willing to be touched. Do so at your own risk. Crawford School of Terror works to ensure that this event engages ALL your senses. Over 18 Night is all in good fun, but this IS an extreme event. While I was waiting in line, I was kidnapped by two masked thugs. I was blindfolded, restrained, covered in silly string, and forced to sing for my freedom. When I was finally released, I stumbled into a crowd that was torn between slack-jawed horror and howling laughter.

The scene outside the schoolhouse adds to the party atmosphere. An elderly grandma and grandpa shuffle through the crowd, offering hard candy and advice while a weirdo in a latex romper offers treats of a different kind. Performers in fabulous outfits strut and twirl on a stage in the schoolyard while customers sip elaborate coffee drinks. The air vibrates with all the energy.

The entire event is a ridiculous rush, a no-holds-barred party for the end of spooky season. If you want something that’s freaky and fun, interactive and engaging, check out Crawford’s next Over 18 Night. It’s the kind of gleefully over-the-top creepy event that’s sure to gain a cult following.

Cost: $25 for general admission.

Safety Protocols, Group Size, Etc.: You’ll go through the haunt in groups of 5 to 6, working together. You have to sign a waiver, and you opt in to the more extreme elements of the attraction. Not everyone in our group chose the touch option, but we all got to interact with the monsters.

Concessions: Coffee at Crawford, the onsite coffee cart, was operating when we were there, serving themed coffees and other beverages. You can also get ice cream and other goodies..

Other Stuff To Do: A stage outside the school hosted a lively lip synch/drag show for people waiting in line. Crawford School of Terror has a pleasant fire pit, and a merch cart where you can browse the jewelry and vintage t-shirts.

Other Stuff To Know: When we say this is interactive, we mean it. Be prepared to be part of the show.

11/04/2025

Hallowfest at Regal Vineyards
Madison, OH
October 31, 2025

Lamplight flickers softly around us; the glow is surprisingly warm. Still, Lily and I are both on edge, our ears alert to the slightest whisper of movement. We’ve been warned that this winery is haunted, and we’ve already seen and heard some things in the rooms and corridors above, but nothing prepares us for the graceful, lanky figure who leaps down from a wine cask, his pet spider cradled in his arms. Lily flinches – spiders rank high on her list of phobias, second only to chainsaws. He grins at us, thrusting his pet toward us. We scurry past and then we feel it: many legs pattering lightly up our backs, across our shoulders. Hallowfest at Regal Vineyards is very, very pretty, but that doesn’t mean this place is light on scares.

Hallowfest, held annually at a winery in the heart of northeastern Ohio’s wine country, is one of the most visually striking events we’ve seen. Imagine Halloween in Stars Hollow, all twinkling lights, cozy fire pits, pumpkins and chrysanthemums piled against hay bales, comfy chairs and benches clustered together. It’s so pretty, so picturesque, that you could be forgiven for wanting to just absorb the vibes. But if you did that, you would be very, very wrong.

Set back from the starry lights of the midway, there are four haunted attractions: the Haunted Winery, the sLaughter House, the Cult of the Scarecrow, and Backwoods Nightmare. Each attraction is beautiful in its own way; everywhere you go, there’s something striking or spooky or spectacular to look at, whether you’re picking your way through a lamplit wine cellar or creeping past the scarecrow guardians in the moonlit cornfield. The hauntrunners at Hallowfest have made sure that this place is breathtaking from every angle. This is just one of many reasons to spring for an All Night Fright pass – multiple visits allow you to appreciate the scenery and set dressing. Because lord knows you’ll need more than one look at the scenery. You’re going to be attacked and chased aggressively enough that a single visit won't give you a chance to breathe, let alone a chance to absorb the sights and sounds of this terrific attraction.

The Cult of the Scarecrow is Hallowfest’s version of a classic corn maze. It’s all very scenic – long, looping trails through tall, rustling corn stalks under a bright, waxing moon. Grotesque, reedy scarecrows have been hauled aloft on tall poles, but we have our doubts about just what those ghastly figures are meant to scare away. The idea here is that the local farmers have begun to worship some dark god who feeds their fields and vines, and they are only too happy to recruit for their cult (or use intruders to water their fields). The angles of the trail and height of the corn stalks make it very hard to see if anything is ahead of you. Or behind you. Or beside you. Fair warning: the fields are overrun with cultists and creatures, and they are sneaky and brutal. I’m not ashamed to admit that at one point in this maze, I screamed a scream the likes of which had never before been heard in the wilds of Ohio. Lily was concerned that I was actually hurt. No worries – I had just been grabbed by one of the creatures who materialized out of nowhere.

Oh, yeah. Lily and I opted for the touch pass, an upgrade that adds a whole new dimension of fear to the experience. The touch pass delivers consistent and aggressive touch. The ghouls and lunatics drape an arm around your shoulders or push you forward or grab you. The monsters do an excellent job of ensuring that every member of the group gets special, loving attention. The touch pass also ensures a variety of experiences. Yes, I was grabbed in the corn maze, and creatures in Backwoods Nightmare pulled at our hair, but in the winery, one demented ghost poured bugs into our hands while that tall, gaunt phantom in the wine cellar traced spidery fingers along our spines. The actors and hauntrunners have put a lot of thought into these interactions, making sure that they are as varied as they are unsettling.

The culty cornfield gives way to Backwoods Nightmare, a junkyard maze haunted by a bunch of redneck freaks who have created a warren of shelters out of pallets and metal and anything else they can find. At one point, Lily and I are chased through a culvert and have to duck and dodge through piles of boxes and barrels. The structure of the maze lets you see glimpses of what’s waiting for you or stalking you. This section is intense and unsettling, filled with wild-eyed outcasts who REALLY don’t like intruders.

The indoor attractions, the Haunted Winery and the sLaughterhouse, fit together seamlessly. The Haunted Winery is weirdly charming – even if Lily and I are dragged into the house by a white-faced ghoul with a mane of scarlet hair and eyes the bottomless black of an open grave. You can tell that the house was pretty once upon a time; you can see the faded flowers on the peeling wallpaper and the walls are decorated with pictures. But the walls of the kitchen are splashed with blood and the stairs and cellars are hung with cobwebs. It’s all weirdly cozy…if you don’t look too closely. You will descend into an actual wine cellar where you will wind between barrels and shelving as you try to avoid the spirits (heh – see what I did there?) that haunt the casks and crates. The SLaughterhouse is a circus tent full of killer clowns,including props, actors, and animatronics. This is another tightly designed, confusing maze, with a group of relentless, giggling clowns. It's brutal and surprising, brimming with energy.

All the attractions are great to look at and deeply convincing, but aside from the lighting and sound design and sets, this event is energized by excellent actors. Their timing is flawless, leading to a series of legitimately shocking jump scares. They’re also very good at extended interactions. The creatures are distinct, from the rough beasts that slouch through the cornfield to the grinning maniacs in the junkyard to the sinister apparitions in the winery to the giggling fiends in the circus tent. It would be hard to single out the best performances, but I want to give a literal shout-out to the cornfield creeper who managed to startle me. Also, the woman who welcomed us to her Backwoods Nightmare, the lunatic who chased us through the pallets, the ghostly hostess in the winery, the woman rocking by the fire, the chortling cannibal chef, the Renfield-like bug eater, the spider prince down in the cellars, and the brutal maniac lurking outside the sLaughterhouse sent chills down our spines and sowed the seeds of nightmares. These monsters are a skilled bunch. Lily and I sprang for the All Night Fright pass, which allowed us to go through the attractions as many times as we wanted. We took full advantage of the pass, and the creatures took full advantage as well, adjusting their performances to our repeat visits. Every trip through the attractions yielded new scares, new nuances.

Okay, so maybe being grabbed by a ghost and thrown into a cornfield isn’t your idea of a good time. Hallowfest still has a lot to love. The Wine Barn offers local vintages and fun cocktails, and there are plenty of places to sit and chat while absorbing the flawless fall vibes. It’s the perfect place to celebrate Halloween.

Honestly, a place this charming could coast on atmosphere alone, but the Vineyard’s haunted attractions serve up a buffet of fabulous frights. If you’re looking for a balance of beauty and brutality, consider paying homage to the spiders and scarecrows of Hallowfest.

Cost: $26 for General Admission; $50 for RIP Pass (all four attractions plus an adult beverage at the Wine Barn); $52 for All Night Fright (repeat visits to all four attractions). A Fast Pass is $13. A touch pass is an extra $8, but hoo boy, is it worth it. You’re really drawn into the action throughout the experience.

Safety Protocols, Group Size, Etc.: You go through each attraction with only your immediate group.

Concessions: The concessions stand offers delicious fair food – hot dogs, pulled pork nachos, and other goodies. Plus, the Wine Barn has a list of local wines, beer, and yummy seasonal cocktails.

Other stuff to do: There’s a stage for live bands and DJs. And frankly, the whole place is a photo op.

Haunted Housewives with Tish and Lily

12/10/2025

12/06/2025

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