11/13/2017
Parenting Your Parent.
Your parent's dining room table is always covered with paperwork. This is the first sign that your parent is having trouble managing daily life. Their memory is starting to fail and they try to control things with visual cues. The piles continue throughout the house because basic decision making has become difficult. Combine this with mobility issues and it becomes clear that your parent needs help. It’s normal to feel frustrated or even slightly angry at your parent. You still see them as the vibrant person who raised you and doted on your children. You could also be feeling overwhelmed due to your own family and work responsibilities.
In the past few years, I’ve work with many families who are helping their parents to downsize to a small condo or to move to assisted living. One family reduced a five-bedroom home over six-months and another had to close out a two-bedroom condo in three days. The process is similar. Let go of everything your parent no longer cares about (clothes from a previous career, old paperback books, hobbies they haven’t touched in years, yard tools that won’t be needed.) Yes, you will have to get rid of some things when they aren’t looking and that’s OK. Pare down and pack up all that stuff YOU’VE been storing at your parent's house. If time permits, have a yard sale, if not, ask friends to drive items to local charities. Scheduled pickups often take weeks and frequently, they will reject items. One client listed everything on Facebook free to anyone who would pick them up that weekend. Everything went including the furniture.
So start downsizing while your parent can still be part of the decision-making process. It will empower them and reduce your stress load. Because this is such a complex issue, part two will focus on paperwork, collectibles and when to simply let things go.