The Real DOSS FERRY chronicle

02/24/2024

Local Parent Begs Youth Baseball Community: Can We Just Chill with the Road Blocks and Fundraisers?

In a heartfelt plea to the youth baseball community, one local parent is calling for a ceasefire in the escalating arms race of travel teams, park teams, elite teams, select teams, all star teams, A-teams, B-teams, we got mad and started our own teams.

"It's like we're preparing for the World Series every weekend, oh wait, I digress, laments the weary parent, who wishes to remain anonymous to avoid being excommunicated from the local baseball scene. "Little Johnny doesn't need a different jersey for every day of the week, and Suzy certainly doesn't need four pairs of cleats to match her uniform rotations."

The parent suggests a simple solution: a green army duffle bag for all, symbolizing unity and practicality in the face of excessive accessorizing. "Let's keep it real, folks. These tournament directors are eating Filet Minon in the pat a in the hospitality room. A bologna sandwich from Dollar General would do just fine."

In a final plea, the parent implores fellow baseball enthusiasts to remember the true spirit of the game: "Let's focus on hitting homers and stealing bases, not breaking the bank and causing traffic jams at the local stop sign. For the love of the game, let's chill out and enjoy the ride to Dollar General.

02/23/2024

MJHS Teacher Band "Old Skool" Set to Rock Talent Show, Parents Advised to Bring Earplugs

MORTIMER JORDAN, AL - Get ready to rock, because the legendary teacher band "Old Skool" is gearing up to make a special appearance this Friday night at the Mortimer Jordan High School talent show. And let's just say, it's an event that's sure to go down in the annals of North Jefferson County history.

Dubbed the "Jack Black meets Motley Crue of the North Jefferson," Old Skool is a group of seasoned educators who refuse to let age - or the fact that they're, well, teachers - dampen their rock and roll spirit.

"These guys are like the Pied Pipers of classic rock," exclaimed one overly enthusiastic parent, clutching a vintage Journey t-shirt. "They may be grading papers by day, but by night, they're shredding guitar solos and living out their wildest rock star fantasies."

Indeed, the members of Old Skool have been practicing their power chords and perfecting their stage moves for weeks in anticipation of their big performance. Rumor has it they've even enlisted the help of the school janitor to build a makeshift smoke machine out of a fogger and a couple of old laundry detergent bottles.

"We're bringing the thunder, baby," declared Mr. Bullard, the band's bass guitarist and history teacher, as he adjusted his leather jacket and attempted to tame his unruly mullet. "These kids ain't ready for the sonic onslaught that's about to hit 'em."

But while Old Skool's rock and roll antics may have students buzzing with excitement, some parents are approaching the talent show with a healthy dose of skepticism - and a pair of industrial-strength earplugs.

"I just hope they remember that this is a high school talent show, not Woodstock," muttered one concerned parent, eyeing Mr. Mac's attempt at a pyrotechnic drum solo with a mixture of amusement and dread. "I don't think our eardrums can handle another rendition of 'Stairway to Heaven.'"

But love 'em or loathe 'em, one thing's for sure: Old Skool is about to take the Mortimer Jordan High School talent show by storm. So grab your air guitar and prepare for a night of rock and roll mayhem - and maybe a few impromptu history lessons - this Friday night at Mortimer Jordan High School.

North Jefferson Chamber of Commerce MJHS Blue Machine Band Boosters Mortimer Jordan QB Club Mortimer Jordan High School

02/23/2024

Morris Little League Coaches Rebrand as "Hipster Hitters" with Mustaches and B***y Shorts

MORRIS, AL - In a move that has left traditionalists shaking their heads and moms clutching their pearls, Little League coaches in Morris, Alabama, have ditched the rugged, no-nonsense look of their predecessors in favor of a more, shall we say, "fashion-forward" approach.

Gone are the days of coaches showing up in beat-up pickup trucks with a trusty old green army bag full of equipment and a cooler stocked with Pabst Blue Ribbon. Now, a new breed of coach is making waves on the diamond with their meticulously groomed mustaches and shorts so short they'd make Richard Simmons blush.

"We're not your grandpa's Little League coaches," declared Coach Chad, adjusting his aviator sunglasses and flashing a toothy grin that could rival Tom Selleck's. "We're bringing a whole new vibe to the game, one mustache and b***y short at a time."

But while the coaches may be reveling in their newfound hipster chic, not everyone is on board with the trend. Concerned moms have been spotted whispering amongst themselves on the sidelines, lamenting the loss of the old-school coaches who exuded rugged masculinity and smelled faintly of motor oil and leather.

"I miss the days when coaches were tough-as-nails men who could fix a flat tire with nothing but a piece of duct tape and a prayer," sighed one nostalgic mom, her eyes misting over as she watched Coach Trevor sip on a soy latte and debate the merits of vinyl records versus digital downloads.

Indeed, the sight of coaches discussing the latest artisanal coffee blend and debating the merits of vintage vinyl has left many wondering if the days of teaching boys how to be men on the baseball field are long gone.

"Back in my day, coaches didn't need fancy mustaches and skinny jeans to command respect," grumbled one grizzled old-timer, his voice tinged with more than a hint of disapproval. "They just needed a firm handshake, a steady gaze, and maybe a well-timed pat on the backside. None of this latte-sipping, mustache-waxing nonsense."

But love 'em or hate 'em, one thing's for sure: the coaches of Morris Little League aren't afraid to break the mold and shake things up. So next time you find yourself at the ballpark in Morris, keep an eye out for the mustaches and b***y shorts. You might just witness a whole new era of baseball in the making.

02/23/2024

Alright, ya'll, gather 'round 'cause I got a tale for ya. So, picture this: down in Kimberly, Alabama, there's this mom, let's call her Emily, right? Now, Emily ain't your typical momma bear; she's got this whole vibe goin' on, y'know, the kind that's always on top of her game, crushin' life like it's nobody's business.

So, one day, Emily decides she's gonna hit the gym, get her sweat on, and maybe snap a selfie or two for the 'gram, 'cause, let's be real, if you don't document it, did it even happen? Anyways, she's all pumped up, got her gym bag, got her water bottle, ready to conquer the world one rep at a time.

Now, here's where things take a turn. Emily storms into the gym, ready to flex on those weights, but as soon as she starts gettin' into the groove, she realizes somethin' ain't right. She forgot to hit record on her workout app! I mean, can you imagine the horror? It's like going to Disneyland and forgetting your Mickey ears. Total disaster.

But wait, it gets even better. Just when you think Emily's hit rock bottom, she goes to take a quick gym selfie to at least salvage somethin', right? Wrong. She reaches into her pocket, fumbles around, and guess what? No phone! That's right, folks, she forgot her lifeline, her connection to the outside world, her ticket to Insta-fame, back at home, probably sittin' on the kitchen counter next to a half-eaten bag of Cheetos.

So there she is, Emily, the queen of Kimberly, Alabama, standin' in the middle of the gym, no record of her epic workout, no selfie to prove she even lifted a finger, just her and the sound of her own defeat echoing off the treadmill in the corner. But hey, if there's one thing we can learn from Emily's misadventure, it's this: even the strongest among us can have a momentary lapse in gym etiquette. So next time you hit the weights, folks, double-check that record button, and for the love of all things holy, don't forget your phone!

02/23/2024

02/22/2024

02/22/2024

Y'know, woke up this mornin', reached for my phone like any modern-day cowboy, only to find it playin' dead. Ain't no bars, just a little SOS symbol starin' back at me like it's sayin', 'Save Our Signals!' Turns out, AT&T decided to play hide and seek with our cell service nationwide. It's like they flipped a switch and went, 'You know what? Let's give 'em a taste of the Stone Age today!' So here we are, folks, stranded on the digital highway with nothing but a flickering signal to keep us company. But hey, look on the bright side, now we can all practice our smoke signals and carrier pigeon techniques. Who needs 5G when you got pigeons, am I right?

02/21/2024

When older folks used to say to me "Enjoy them while they are young". I used to think they were talking about my kids.

I'm starting to think they meant my knees and hips!

02/21/2024

Alright, folks, gather round and listen up! The 2024 RDC Peoples Choice Awards are in full swing, and we're kickin' things off with a mouthwatering category: FOOD! Now, let's get real here, where's the best place to chow down in the North Jefferson community?

I'm talkin' about that spot where the burgers are so juicy, they make you wanna slap your mama. That diner where the pancakes are fluffier than a cloud on a sunny day. Or maybe it's that hidden gem where the tacos are so good, they'll make you wanna do a little salsa dance right then and there.

Now, I know y'all got some opinions brewin' in those bellies of yours, so it's time to let 'em out! Cast your vote and let the world know which joint in North Jefferson reigns supreme when it comes to grub.

But hey, let's keep it civil, alright? We're all friends here, just tryin' to find the tastiest eats in town. So, whether you're shoutin' from the rooftops or whisperin' your secret spot into the wind, make sure your voice is heard in this culinary showdown!

Voting's open now, so don't wait around like last call at the buffet line. Get on it, folks, and let's crown the king of North Jefferson cuisine!!

Eating With Amy not gonna lie, we thought of you when posting this one!

02/21/2024

Almost 1 million followers. Help us hit the goal! Follow The Real DOSS FERRY chronicle invite your friends! 1 Mil party on deck!

02/19/2024

GUEST BLOGGER: DOSS FERRY CHRONICLES (DFC) Hey there, business mavens and trailblazers! Today, we’re diving deep into the jungle of commerce, armed with nothing but a machete of wisdom and a…

02/19/2024

I don’t care if you’re a Supervisor, Sun Visor, Advisor, or a Budweiser - YOU better talk to me like YOU got some sense!

02/14/2024

Wisdom from Wrinkles: Embracing the Timeless Lessons of Grandparents

Hey there, fellow time travelers and wisdom seekers! Today, we're taking a trip down memory lane to bask in the warm glow of grandparental wisdom – because let's face it, our grandmas and grandpas weren't just rocking chairs and Werther's Originals. They were walking, talking repositories of life lessons, nuggets of wisdom, and a whole lot of love. So grab a tissue and let's dive into the nostalgic yet oh-so-relevant world of grandparental guidance, The Real DOSS FERRY chronicle style.

The Art of Storytelling: Remember sitting cross-legged at your grandparents' feet, hanging onto their every word as they spun tales of yesteryear? Whether it was the time they walked uphill both ways to school or the epic saga of their first kiss, our grandparents were the original storytellers – and boy, did they have some stories to tell. So take a page out of their book (figuratively, of course) and embrace the lost art of storytelling. Share your own tales of triumph and tribulation, and remember, a good story never goes out of style.

Patience, Grasshopper: In a world of instant gratification and overnight success stories, patience is a virtue that's in danger of becoming extinct. But fear not, my friends, because our grandparents were the OG masters of patience. Whether it was waiting for the perfect pie to cool or tending to a garden that took years to bloom, they understood that good things come to those who wait. So take a deep breath, slow down, and remember that Rome wasn't built in a day – and neither is your empire.

The Power of Presence: In a world that's constantly buzzing with notifications, alerts, and distractions, the simple act of being present is a rare and precious gift. But our grandparents? They were the masters of presence. Whether it was sharing a glass of tea on the porch or simply sitting in companionable silence, they understood the importance of being fully engaged in the moment. So put down your phone, look up from your screen, and savor the here and now like it's the last piece of pie at Thanksgiving dinner.

A Spoonful of Humor: Life is a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, twists and turns, and occasionally, a loop-de-loop that leaves you wondering how you got here in the first place. But our grandparents? They had a secret weapon against the chaos of life: humor. Whether it was a well-timed joke, a mischievous twinkle in the eye, or a hearty belly laugh that could shake the rafters, they understood that a spoonful of humor makes the medicine go down a whole lot easier. So don't take yourself too seriously, my friends. Embrace the absurdity of life, find the humor in the chaos, and remember, laughter truly is the best medicine.

In conclusion, my fellow time travelers and wisdom seekers, our grandparents may have left this world, but their legacy of love, laughter, and life lessons lives on in each and every one of us. So let's honor their memory by embracing the timeless wisdom they imparted, sharing their stories with future generations, and remembering that the greatest lessons are often found in the wrinkles of a well-lived life.

Until next time, keep spinning yarns, practicing patience, and sprinkling humor into the everyday moments of life. After all, it's the lessons we learn from our grandparents that truly make us rich.

Yours in nostalgia and wisdom,
The Real DOSS FERRY chronicle

02/13/2024

Ppl be like "you took I-55 North?”

Me: Idk man I followed the GPS

02/13/2024

Alright, y'all, gather round and let me tell you about the great food truck fiasco happenin' down in Kimberly, Alabama. Now, picture this: you're strollin' through the Doss Ferry Community, smellin' the sweet aroma of barbecue in the air, the sound of sizzling burgers ticklin' your eardrums, and suddenly, BAM! The City Council swoops in like they're the food police, tryin' to shut down the whole dang food truck party!

I mean, come on now, folks! These food trucks ain't hurtin' nobody. They got their city business licenses all squared away, they're feedin' the hungry masses, and bringin' joy to the community. But nope, the City Council's like, "Nah, we got a new spot we wanna promote, so y'all gotta pack up your spatulas and hit the road."

But here's the kicker, my friends: the good people of Doss Ferry ain't takin' this lyin' down. Oh no, they're standin' up, fork in one hand, protest sign in the other, and they're lettin' those city officials know that they ain't gonna be pushin' around their food truck fiesta!

So, my fellow food truck enthusiasts, it's time to raise your voices louder than the sizzle of a hot grill on a summer day! Let those City Council members know that they work for us, the people, not the other way around. And come election time, you better believe we'll be remindin' 'em who's really holdin' the spatula of power!

Let's not forget the real spice in this gumbo of injustice, y'all. The City Council might think they're the rulers of the roost, but they're just playin' big brother without actually doin' a lick of good for the folks in Doss Ferry. Instead of slingin' regulations left and right like they're flippin' pancakes, maybe they oughta focus on somethin' that actually benefits the community. So, let's keep stirrin' the pot and show 'em that we ain't about to let 'em run roughshod over our food truck freedom!

By the way are they gonna tell Pandy's Sno Biz & Treats she can run her business at her normal location after she has supported the city all these years?

02/13/2024

Alright, so Facebook done lost its marbles again, y'all. They added this new feature where every time you scroll, it's like you're in a dang bird sanctuary. Like, what is that? Is Mark Zuckerberg tryin' to turn our feeds into a wildlife documentary?

Imagine you're just mindlessly scrollin' through your feed, catchin' up on Aunt Karen's cat memes, and all of a sudden, you hear chirping. You're like, "Wait, do I got birds in my house now? Did I accidentally open a window?" Nah, it's just Facebook tryin' to spice things up.

And I don't know about y'all, but I ain't tryin' to feel like I'm in the middle of a Disney movie every time I'm on social media. Like, where's the chill, Zuck? Can we not just scroll in peace without feeling like we're in a nature documentary narrated by Morgan Freeman?

But hey, if you're like me and you ain't tryin' to hear birds every time you check your notifications, don't worry, I got you covered. Here's how you can shut those chirps down faster than a possum playin' dead:

Step one: Open up the Menu, it's that little button in the bottom right corner that looks like it's tryin' to hide from you.

Step two: Go to Settings and Privacy, 'cause apparently, chirping is now a matter of privacy. Click on the Settings button like you're tryin' to find some peace and quiet.

Step three: Under Preferences, find the Media button and give it a little click.

Step four: Look for the Sounds option and toggle that "In-App Sound" to off faster than you can say "I ain't tryin' to hear no birds."

Boom! No more chirping. Now you can scroll through your feed without feelin' like you're in the middle of a bird-watching tour. And hey, you'll still hear sound from videos, so you won't miss out on Aunt Karen's latest cat shenanigans.

So there you have it, folks. Facebook's attempt to make scrollin' more "engaging and interesting" just turned into a backyard bird party. But don't worry, with these steps, you can shut it down quicker than a squirrel stealin' your birdseed.

02/12/2024

Got that thang on me…Somebody’s gonna learn today!

02/10/2024

So the United States is $22 Trillion dollars in debt and has the audacity to give me a credit score…
Worry bout yourself first baby girl!

02/09/2024

So does anyone else think its weird that we have one hand that knows how to do EVERYTHING and the other hand sits there like "I don't know how to hold a pencil.."?

02/09/2024

At this point they just slapping dates on stuff…🤦🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️

02/08/2024

Y'all ever drive through Alabama and wonder if Dollar General is the state bird? I mean, seriously, I think there are more Dollar Generals in Alabama than there are trees. And they keep popping up like mushrooms after a rainstorm!

You'll be cruising down the highway, minding your own business, and suddenly, BAM! Another Dollar General. It's like they're multiplying faster than rabbits on a hot date night.

I swear, you could blindfold yourself, spin in a circle, and throw a rock in any direction in Alabama, and chances are you'll hit a Dollar General. They're like the unofficial landmarks of the state at this point.

But hey, who's complaining? Where else can you get a roll of duct tape, a bag of chips, and a knockoff Barbie doll all in one place? Dollar General, you're doing the Lord's work, one discount at a time.

02/08/2024

Y'all, let me tell you about the 80s, man. It was like a time warp straight to the land of neon dreams and questionable fashion choices. You had your big hair, your spandex, your leg warmers – it was a whole vibe, alright?

Back then, life was simpler. We didn't have smartphones glued to our hands, no sir. We had to actually go outside and play until the streetlights came on. And when those streetlights flickered to life, you better believe we sprinted home like our lives depended on it.

But let's talk about the music, man. The 80s had some absolute bangers. Michael Jackson was moonwalking his way into our hearts, Madonna was voguing like nobody's business, and Prince... well, Prince was just being Prince, and that's all you needed to know.

And don't even get me started on the movies! We had classics like "The Goonies," "Back to the Future," and "Ghostbusters." Those films were like a warm hug for your eyeballs, I'm telling ya.

But you know what the best part was? The sense of freedom, the feeling that anything was possible. We didn't have the weight of the world on our shoulders like kids these days. We were just out there, living our best lives, one slap bracelet at a time.

So here's to the 80s, y'all. May your memories be as wild as your perm and your laughter as contagious as the chorus of "Don't Stop Believin'.

And hey, if you're feeling the nostalgia vibes like I am, why not tag your 80s crew? Let's reconnect with those old pals who rocked the crimped hair and acid-washed jeans right alongside us. Because let's face it, the 80s wouldn't have been half as rad without them. So tag 'em, share your favorite memories, and let's keep the spirit of the 80s alive and kickin'! 🤘

02/07/2024

Anyone else having trouble with AOL this morning ?

02/06/2024

Which is scarier?

02/06/2024

Somebody need to make a documentary on how yall be SURVIVING WITHOUT A JOB 🤷🏽‍♂️

02/06/2024

Local Legends: Why Small Businesses Rule the Roost

Introduction:

You ever walk down the street, see that quirky little café with mismatched chairs and a sign that says "Coffee so good, it'll make you forget your own name"? That's not just a café, my friend. That's a cornerstone of the community, a beacon of hope in a sea of corporate sameness. Small businesses like that are the lifeblood of our neighborhoods, and let me tell you why.

The Heart of the Local Economy:

Let's talk turkey, folks. Small businesses aren't just about making a buck; they're about making a difference. They might not have the marketing budget of a Fortune 500 company, but they've got something even more valuable: heart. They're the ones sponsoring Little League teams, buying ads in your daughters dance program, and keeping the local economy humming like a well-oiled machine.

The Domino Effect on Families and Communities:

Picture this: you stroll into your favorite mom-and-pop shop, and the owner greets you by name. They know your kids, your dog, heck, they probably know your favorite ice cream flavor. That's the magic of local businesses—they're not just in it for the bottom line; they're in it for the community. When you support them, you're not just buying a product; you're investing in your neighbors' dreams and keeping the heart of your town beating strong.

Why Local Support Matters:

Now, I'm not knocking the big guys. They've got their place in the world, like that one uncle who always shows up with a giant bag of candy on Halloween. But let's be real—there's something special about walking into a shop where everybody knows your name (cue the "Cheers" theme song).

Tips for Supporting Local Businesses:

So, how can you be a hero for your local heroes? It's easy, my friend. Start by voting with your wallet—shop local whenever you can. Spread the word like butter on a hot biscuit—tell your friends, your family, heck, even your mailman about your favorite spots. And hey, why not get creative? Host a neighborhood block party, collaborate on a community event, or heck, start a petition to make National Small Business Appreciation Day a national holiday. The possibilities are endless, folks.

Conclusion:

In the grand scheme of things, small businesses might seem, well, small. But make no mistake—they're the unsung heroes of our communities, the underdogs fighting the good fight against corporate Goliaths. So let's raise a glass (or a locally brewed craft beer) to our local legends, the heartbeat of our neighborhoods, and the true champions of Main Street, USA. Cheers, my friends. Here's to small businesses, big dreams, and a whole lotta heart.

Here's a list of free and easy ways to support your local businesses:

-Like and follow their social media pages, such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

-Engage with their posts by liking, commenting, and sharing them with your network.

-Leave positive reviews on platforms like Google, Yelp, TripAdvisor, and Facebook.

-Join their email newsletter to stay informed about promotions, events, and updates.

-Recommend them to friends, family, and neighbors who might benefit from their products or services.

-Attend their events, workshops, or classes to show your support and learn more about what they offer.

-Participate in their online contests, giveaways, or challenges to help increase their visibility.

-Use their branded hashtags when sharing photos or experiences related to their business on social media.

-Sign up for their loyalty programs or rewards programs to earn discounts or perks for your continued support.

-Share their website or online store link with others who might be interested in making a purchase.

-Offer to volunteer your time or skills to help with tasks such as event planning, social media management, or graphic design.

North Jefferson Chamber of Commerce

01/31/2024

Well, dang, Fultondale's stepping up its game! We got the Railway Marathon & Half Marathon, y'all. I mean, I can barely run to catch the ice cream truck, but now we got folks doing a whole marathon through Gardendale and Brookside.

And check this out, the Fultondale Police Department is using a drone they bought with seized funds. That's like turning crime into airtime. Officer John Tanks said they're using it for visibility, safety, and as a deterrent. I can see it now - criminals hearing that drone buzzing, thinking it's the apocalypse, dropping everything, and running like Forrest Gump. "Run, criminals, run!"

But seriously, 16k for a drone with night vision optics? That's some high-tech crime-fighting right there. Maybe they'll catch Bigfoot while they're at it. "Sarge, we got a 10-96 - Bigfoot sighting on the 5 Mile Creek Trail!"

Anyway, good luck to all the runners. If you see a drone overhead, just wave – it's probably Officer Tanks making sure you're running and not trying to sneak off for a coffee break. Keep on truckin', Fultondale! 🏃‍♂️🚁

01/29/2024

Y'all need to stop giving your kids "bible names" and no bible lessons.

Moses tried to car jack me last night!