06/18/2018
Thanks “ A Mighty Girl” for gathering resources on understanding teenage development. Challenges , challenges ...... here’s some tools!
"As a mom to three daughters... I’ve made many mistakes and will no doubt make some more," writes sociologist Marika Lindholm. "Regardless of their personality and circumstances, our teenage daughters contend with a barrage of new challenges, including surging hormones, mixed messages, and social pressures." In her insightful article for Psychology Today, Lindholm shares ten goals that she strives for when parenting her girls, and recommends that parents consider these goals instead of guidelines. After all, she observes, "teenage girls have a way of disrupting our well-intentioned rational behavior, so forgive yourself for slipping, and then reset your goal-seeking efforts."
A number of her goals focus on recognizing signs of girls' growing independence, even when they're frustrating -- like the infamous teenage eye roll. "Try to focus on the fact that eye rolls are a sign that your daughter is beginning to judge and think for herself," says Lindholm, who suggests mentioning to her later when things have calmed down that "when you roll your eyes at me, it makes it hard to have a mature conversation with you." At the same time, she says, if they're rude or cruel, "It’s important for them to learn that bad behavior has ramifications." Instead of allowing your daughter to escalate the situation, firmly but calmly state: "You aren’t allowed to speak to me like that. Let’s talk about this another time," and consider a small punishment such as taking away her cell phone for a day. And if you were the one who behaved badly in the exchange, "[t]ake ownership by apologizing. An apology will go far in terms of role modeling and building connection."
Other goals have to do with guiding her daughters into womanhood, starting with encouraging critical thinking, including about how women are presented in the media. "Social media, television, and magazines are selling our daughters a distorted view of women. Take time to help your daughter think critically about the unrealistic images they’re presented of models and movie stars," she writes. "A healthy dose of critical thinking will go far toward preserving her self-worth and promoting confidence in who she is, not who she thinks she should be." Above all, "be the grown-up... Teens need us to be their moral compass and to be in charge. When they know our rules — even when they break them — they feel safe." By striving for these goals, you'll know that "even in the tough moments, you’re helping her become a confident woman whose company you will enjoy for many years to come." To read more on Psychology Today, visit http://bit.ly/2kw89wV
For an excellent parenting book on teen girls that explores this topic in depth, we highly recommend "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood" at https://www.amightygirl.com/untangled
For two great resources specifically focused on keeping the mother/daughter bond strong as your Mighty Girl grows, we highly recommend the shared journal, "Just Between Us" for mom and daughters ages 8 and up (https://www.amightygirl.com/just-between-us) and the shared guide for older tweens and teens and their mothers, "Mothering and Daughtering: Keeping Your Bond Strong Through the Teen Years" at (https://www.amightygirl.com/mothering-and-daughtering)
You can also find numerous guides to help girls through all stages of growing up, including physical, emotional, and social development, in our "Guides for Girls" book section at http://amgrl.co/2olmk9o
For more books about parenting Mighty Girls of all ages, visit our blog post, "25 Parenting Books About Raising Mighty Girls," visit https://www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=12416 -- or browse the hundreds of titles in our "Parenting" section at https://www.amightygirl.com/parenting
