Kelly D. Mayer MS LMHC PLLC

10/15/2024

Karl Pellimer is a professor at Cornell University. Karl wrote a book called "Fractured Families and How to Mend Them". In his book, Karl identifies 6 Pathways to estrangement.

The 6 Pathways are:
1) The long arm of the past:
*Your history
*Your Childhood
*the events that took place in the past to contribute to a sense of hurt and mistrust
2) Legacy of Divorce
3) The Problematic In-law(s)
4) Money and Inheritance
5) Unmet Expectations
6) Value and Lifestyle Differences

I do believe that some of these reasons are catalysts for fractures and estrangements. However, I do believe there are others that include the legacy of estrangement in families as well.

Other countries are identifying rates of estrangement around 20% in the UK and Australia. In the US Family Estrangement rates are between 25%-30%. This statistic continues to climb.

Family Estrangement is painful for everyone involved. It's not about blame and fault it's about finding love and safety in family relationships.

Stay tuned as I continue to share more on this topic.

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09/26/2024

I have now earned the diagnostic privilege in the state of NY for LMHC.

09/25/2024

Anxious thoughts can overwhelm us, making it hard to deal with what's bothering us. And thinking about it more just makes it worse. Fortunately, proven techniques like these can help break the cycle.

09/25/2024

Often we couple up into relationships because of the emotional feelings. We don't use our wise minds. Our Wise Mind is made up of both our critical thinking/intellectual side and our emotions. We need both to inform us throughout our lives.

i have created a three-circle target for anyone to use as an exercise as they consider coupling up.

I have attached a very primative model here. It doesn't need to be fancy, it just needs to be simple and reflect your values and beliefs.

09/25/2024

We all want to avoid end of life issues, however, there is a presentation to help in preparation for these events.

09/25/2024

This is so important to recognize and yet sometimes hard to believe.

09/25/2024

OK Ladies, Here's the thing, that emotional connection you might feel with somone is the comfort of knowing. Ok, what we know, or are familiar with can be toxic, neglect, alcoholism. Take time to be certain the connection you are feeling with someone isn't about recreating previous relationships you are familiar with that have been painful.

If you need help reach out and let's talk.

09/23/2024

As we come into fall and then the winter more of us struggle with internal sensations and emotions.

If you can:
Notice.....
Notice where you put your time
Notice where you put your energy

If we ignore our bodies and our emotions they are going to be all more insistent on being NOTICED. They become stronger, and more persistent. Sometimes it causes our behavior to become something strange or weird or something we are ashamed of.

If you can alter some of the time spent on external things and focus on the internal to gain some insight to who you are, the time will be well worth it.

There are many ways to do this. Reach out if you are interested in knowing more.

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09/21/2024

I wanted to share a resource for those increasing numbers of individuals being identified as Neurodivergent. Check this out:

Discover Autistic Revolution Magazine, a groundbreaking online publication created by Autistic and other-neurodivergent individuals. Explore the unique perspectives and talents of autistic individuals in this revolutionary magazine.

09/20/2024

Groups in the Syracuse area.

09/18/2024

❤️❤️❤️

09/17/2024

I have worked with many, mostly women, who continue to wait for their spouses to change or show up differently. There is pleading, anger, resentment, asking, and sometimes maybe begging or praying for the other person to change.

What I show these women is how to change themselves, to hold their power, and change their behavior so that they can change the relationship.

There are two types of pain:
The pain of continuing to show up in the same way and hoping things will change.
The pain of changing.
Neither is easy.

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09/17/2024

I want to share this resource for those who might be in need of it:

Explore how LGBTQ+ identity coaching provides accessible, affirming support to individuals facing barriers to traditional services. Discover how coaching can empower you on your journey to self-acceptance and growth, no matter where you are located.

09/14/2024

09/14/2024

Ah, tis the season!

09/09/2024

When we give of ourselves to the point of sacrifice, we expect the same of others. This can set us up for anger and resentment.

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