Holly Pond Live Action News Authority

07/11/2023

BREAKING NEWS

Local businessman Harry Phutang's Famous Asian Massage Parlor has just signed a 5 year lease with the Town of Holly Pond on the muskrat dens located at Holly Pond Park with intentions of opening a second Discount Glory Hole location!!!

This is a breaking news story and we will be following up with details as we receive them!

Covering Your Community: Muskrats continue to cause damage to a park in Holly Pond in Cullman County. https://www.waff.com/video/2023/07/10/covering-your-community-muskrats-continue-damage-park-holly-pond/

04/14/2023

Holly Pond Town Deputy Fired!!! Residents urged to chase down loud Semi's and issue citations on their own. We would also like to remind everyone that Holly Pond Municipal Court will be held this Friday in the Harvey Updyke Memorial Sports Book Lounge located at Yellow Buffalo Full Of Chips Indian Casino . If you have received a citation for Engine Braking or Littering, it can be taken care of with a direct payment to the Holly Pond Tribal Police

04/14/2023

Community Announcement

The dentures found in Holly Pond Park have been claimed by their rightful owner!

This "Happy Ending" has been brought to you by our sponsors at Harry Phutang's Famous Asian Massage Parlor !

04/12/2023

Big news from Harry Phutang's Famous Asian Massage Parlor !!!

Guess what we're finally having installed this week!!!

04/05/2023

Our sponsors at Dr. Phil Yahquim OBGYN would like for us to remind his customers that perfumes and essential oils do not replace good old fashioned soap and water. Spring is in the air....let's just keep it at that please

03/29/2023

Don't miss it!

03/16/2023

Go by the campaign headquarters and get yours today!!!

Campaign Hats Available!!!!

03/14/2023

Paid political advertisement by supporters of James Moon - Holly Pond Write-In Mayoral Candidate

03/14/2023

Get out the hot wax!

We hope everyone plans to attend this year's Annual N**e Car Show at Governor's Park! Registration starts at 8am inside the Town Hall. Come for the cars and stay for the headlights! This year's show will be brought to you by Yellow Buffalo Full Of Chips Indian Casino and James Moon - Holly Pond Write-In Mayoral Candidate

Hope to see you there!

03/04/2023

Holly Pond Tribal Police have announced their new T***s For Coots Program. In conjunction with Yellow Buffalo Full Of Chips Indian Casino , the Holly Pond Tribal Police Force has implemented a new community outreach program for the terminal elderly. We reached out to YBFOCIC Media Spokesman, Two Dogs Hung Up, for comment and was told "This will give the dying another shot at the slots before cashing their big check"

02/24/2023

The Holly Pond Men's Philanthropy Society will be holding their Annual Chittlin Dinner today in the parking lot where the old Waterbrook Restaurant was located.

02/16/2023

NEW LOCAL BUSINESS!!!

Holly Pond is growing again and would like to welcome Peter Pookalolli's Adult Thrift Store & Second Hand S*x Toys to the community! Go by and check out his HUGE selection of pre-owned massage wands, diaphragms and gimp masks!

LOCAL TRADE-IN

Valentine's Day not live up to your expectations? We just took this 5 Horse Power Briggs & Stratton Side Shaft Mounted model in on trade and sat it on the showroom floor! Disinfected and ready for a new owner!

02/15/2023

CHARITY CARWASH AT HOLLY POND TOWN HALL

This Saturday, the Holly Pond Town Council in conjunction with Harry Phutang's Famous Asian Massage Parlor will be holding a Charity Carwash at the Town Hall building. All proceeds will be donated to Ron's Yoga & Aerobics to cover new yoga mats and disinfectant. Harry will be there giving out Free Massage Coupons for the adults and door prizes for the kids! Make sure to mark your calendars!

02/15/2023

Second Spy Balloon Spotted By Town Council Member Turns Out To Be Bird S**t

We had early morning reports of another Chinese Spy Balloon traveling over Holly Pond and that one of the town Council members was following it. After a 3 hour chase that also covered portions of Blount, Marshall and Etowah Counties, they realized it was actually just a blob of bird s**t on their windshield.

This news update has been brought to you by our sponsors at Ron's Yoga & Aerobics

02/14/2023

Our sponsors at Dr. Phil Yahquim OBGYN would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day and remind you that more than just love is being spread in the community today!

02/12/2023

The Holly Pond Town Council will be holding the town's 1st Annual Tire Fire at the Holly Pond Municipal Park next Saturday. This is a rain or shine event! Tickets can be purchased at Town Hall, the Guy Hunt Library or at Harry Phutang's Famous Asian Massage Parlor .

02/04/2023

Go check out the Valentine's Specials at our sponsor Dick's Barely Legal Pawn !!!

SEXUAL ASSAULT RIFLES IN STOCK NOW!!!!

02/04/2023

BREAKING NEWS

Unidentified balloon spotted over Kung-Pow Poodle - Fine Asian Cuisine in downtown Holly Pond. We reached out to our Asian correspondent Harry, owner of Harry Phutang's Famous Asian Massage Parlor conveniently located in the old Shirley's Video building, and he was quoted as saying "How the hell should I know. I'm Vietnamese you prick". This is a developing story and we will bring you updates as they come.

Breaking News sponsored by Burt's Motors LLC

02/02/2023

BREAKING NEWS

Holly Pond Town Council in conjunction with Yellow Buffalo Full Of Chips Indian Casino has voted for secession from Alabama and to join Arizona. More on this as we develop details.

This Breaking News is brought to you by our sponsors at Lou Pohl Esq. - Criminal Attorney

01/31/2023

Make sure to take advantage of our sponsor Dr. Phil Yahquim OBGYN Valentine's Day Special! He's conveniently located in the white box van behind Jack's and across from Harry Phutang's Famous Asian Massage Parlor in the old Shirley's Video building

Does your partner put the VD in Valentine's Day? Come by and see me for a $14.95 Valentine's 3 Hole Checkup!

01/31/2023

Make sure to check out the new Asian Buffet in Holly Pond! They'll be running Valentine's Specials through the month of February!
Kung-Pow Poodle - Fine Asian Cuisine

We now have new sneeze guard over buffet.