Modern Drunkard Magazine

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Modern Drunkard Magazine

Standing up for your right to get falling down drunk since 1996.

12/16/2024

Today is the 251st anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, a revolutionary act of defiance that is indelibly linked to alcohol. You probably know that the Boston Tea Party was a raid on three British ships by 50 revolutionaries disguised as Mohawk Indians but did you know that much of the planning for the raid was done, over drinks, at the Green Dragon Tavern? That prior to the raid, those fifty stalwarts got loaded on high-proof punch before heading on over to the wharf? That while they dumped over 300 chests of tea into the harbor, they confiscated and carried away what rum they found onboard. Oh, it was a party all right. Recommended drink: The main gears of the punch that motivated those revolutionary drunkards was rum, whiskey and red wine. If that combination sounds like something you might want to try, well sir, you were born out of your time.

12/14/2024

Today's Reason to Drink
It’s World Monkey Day! That’s right, today is an internationally-recognized celebration of monkeys and “all things simian,” and since we’re simians, let’s jump aboard this fantastic party train. Speaking of simians, did you know that Cheetah, the chimpanzee who played opposite Johnny Weissmuller’s Tarzan in the 1930s was a daily drinker? It’s true! And while the average lifespan of a chimpanzee is 32 years, Cheetah drank his way through an incredible 81 years before taking the last vine to monkey heaven in 2011, making him the oldest chimpanzee on record. He also chain-smoked ci**rs, but let’s not get into that. Recommended drink: Cheetah’s usual was Budweiser, but he’d generally drink any sort of beer you put in front of him, so don’t feel like you have to drink a Budweiser. Any beer will do.

12/12/2024

Our gift bundles are now on deck. With Free MDM Gift Wrapping & Greeting Card. Christmas shopping has never been easier. https://gear.drunkard.com/product/atomic-martini-gift-bundle/

12/12/2024

Today's Reason to Drink
Ring-a-ding-ding, it’s Frank Sinatra’s Birthday. When the leader of the Rat Pack wasn’t teaching not one, not two but at least three generations how to drink with style, he was topping the charts, winning an Oscar and putting away a helluva lot of whiskey, particularly Jack Daniels. Top quote: I’m for anything that gets you through the night, be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels." Recommended drink: Frank liked his Jack like so: two fingers poured over four ice cubes with a splash of water. Of course, this was back when Jack had a much higher proof, so you can skip the water. Because they already added it at the distillery. Ring-a-ding-zing!

12/06/2024

Today's Reason to Drink

It’s St. Nicholas’s Day. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Hey, St. Nick doesn’t blow into town until the 25th, driving that big 1967 Buick sleigh of his. Well, let me tell you something. Back in the day, before he was merged with Jesus, this was Saint Nicholas of Myra’s day. He did his thing way back during the Roman Empire, and down the line, kids, mostly in Northern Europe, started getting the idea that he brought them gifts on his day. It was said he traveled with Krampus, the demonic Anti-Santa, who punished the bad children. For every Yin there’s got to be a Yang, right? And it was also a thing to leave out a little brandy, liqueur or schnapps for St. Nick, because it was cold out there and he had to deal with that jerk Krampus all night. I’m sure all the dads got together on that one.

Also, our annual Xmas Sale has kicked off! https://gear.drunkard.com

11/23/2024

Tell your unique story with our brand new Affiini-Tee. Fifty different Affinities and Awards to choose from.

https://gear.drunkard.com/?s=affinity+hoodie&post_type=product

11/20/2024

Just in time for the holidays, a new Drunk Santa shirt is on deck. Makes bartenders and other interested parties aware that you’re invoking the unassailable Drunk Santa Rule. https://gear.drunkard.com/product/nobody-cuts-off-drunk-santa-t-shirt-full-color/

10/18/2024

Whether you're bodyguarding the kids or going to a party, we have the perfect Halloween Tee for those who don't care to dress up. https://gear.drunkard.com/product/im-not-drunk-enough-for-this-bullsh*t-t-shirt/

Also our annual Autumn Sale is on--15% to 50% Off.

10/17/2024

Today's Deal of the Day: our fantastic League of Magnificent Bastards etched booze tumbler for $11. Go ahead, you deserve it.
https://gear.drunkard.com/product/lomb-etched-booze-tumbler/

10/17/2024

It’s Evel Knievel’s birthday. Born in 1938 in Butte, Montana, the motorcycle daredevil defined all that is daring, courageous and dangerous for at least two generations of Americans. And when I say dangerous, I’m not just talking about his motorcycle jumps. You didn’t want to mess around with Evel, as a Hollywood producer found out in 1977 when Evel jumped him with a baseball bat in the parking lot of 20th Century Fox. The FBI tried hard to roll that act of revenge and other assorted assaults into a racketeering charge, but aside from a 6-month stint in jail for the aforementioned baseball battery, the daredevil managed to keep one fast step ahead of the Feds.

So did Mr. Knievel like a drink? He did. He averaged a half a fifth of whiskey, usually Wild Turkey, and a six-pack of beer a day. Before every jump, he would knock back a shot of Wild Turkey. For good luck. Sometimes he would knock back more than one if he felt he needed extra luck. His favorite cocktail? A whiskey, beer and tomato juice combo called the Montana Mary.

Fun fact: That diamond-studded cane he carried around? Its center was hollow and usually filled with Wild Turkey. And sometimes, a sword. Depending upon what kind of mood Evel was in. And that, my friends, is as American as you can get.

10/16/2024

Todays Deal of the Day: Our infamous Tiger Whiskey Tee for $13 (most sizes). Make you crazy like tiger! https://gear.drunkard.com/product/full-color-tiger-whiskey-t-shirt/

10/16/2024

It’s Oscar Wilde’s Birthday. Born in 1854, the Irish playwright, poet, author and noted fancy lad came up with some of the most memorable drinking observations, including, “Work's the curse of the drinking classes,” and “There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink.” He also coined the word “Alcoholiday.” While he is best known for his fondness of absinthe, he also liked to wade into rivers of whiskey and Champagne, noting that “Only the unimaginative can fail to find a reason for drinking Champagne.”

Top quote: “Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation. So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work’s the curse of the drinking classes.”

10/09/2024

Today's Deal of the Day: Our New Full-Color Smash the Nanny State Tee for $13 (most sizes). Because the government doesn't give you rights, it prunes those you were born with. https://gear.drunkard.com/product/full-color-smash-the-nanny-state-t-shirt/

10/04/2024

Today's Deal of the Day: Our legendary League of Magnificent Bastards Tee for $13 (most sizes). https://gear.drunkard.com/product/full-color-league-of-magnificent-bastards-t-shirt/

10/04/2024

It’s Vodka Day

I know I once said that calling yourself a "Vodka Expert" was like a writer confessing they pen children's books, but hey--there is a time and place for everything. Including vodka. And that time is today. Instead of hiding it in a cocktail, today let’s drink it the proper way, as our drunkard Slavic brethren do. That is, neat, chilled or not, and with Zakuski. What is Zakuski? The word literally means, “the thing you follow it with,” the “it” being vodka. These tidbits are eaten between each glass, and can be almost anything, from marinated mushrooms, spicy pickles, vegetables, fatty duck, bread, crackers, beef jerky, toothpaste, whatever. It’s a broad genre. Give it a try. It’s quite a nice way to get loaded. As illustrated in our rollicking interview with author Gary Shteyngart: https://drunkard.com/06_06_gary_shteyngart/

Top Vodka quotes:
"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." --Ron White

"I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette." --Anthony Hopkins

"Vodka is kind of a hobby." --Betty White

"Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka." --Jim Butcher

09/27/2024

Our End o' the World Sale is On! Now thru Doomsday. Or Tuesday, whichever comes first. New apocalyptic drinking designs for your pleasure! https://gear.drunkard.com/product-category/t-shirts/

09/26/2024

Today's Reason to Drink
On this day in 1964, the television show Gilligan’s Island debuted on CBS. I grew up watching reruns of that show and something always bothered me. Though there wasn’t an obvious moonshine still in operation on the island, Mr. Howell always had a lot of liquor on hand. Okay, maybe he always traveled with a trunk full of booze, even on three-hour tours, but when he was relaxing in his hut, he always had a cocktail in his hand. He would have run out quite quickly. Maybe he had a side deal with the Professor, who was undoubtedly inventive enough to design, build and run a secret still. It’s just a theory.
Fun fact: In Episode 75, “The Man with a Net,” the professor puts together a still-like contraption that “ferments berries” in an attempt to get a visiting Brit butterfly collector drunk so as to steal a flare gun that will summon a rescue boat. Unfortunately, the Brit rather handily drinks the lot of them under the table, including Mr. Howell. It was his time to shine and he blew it. So, alas, they wake with hangovers and as stranded as ever.

09/26/2024

Today's Deal of the Day: the iconic MDM Rocks Glass for a mere $11. Because isn't it time you drank your booze like a goddamn champion? https://gear.drunkard.com/product/modern-drunkard-logo-booze-tumbler/

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