The Snarky Trans Tomboy

12/18/2024

I love getting real life stuff from , most recently, my housemates got me some Golden Star balm for the holidays!

Счастливого Рождества!

11/02/2024

...also, I'm still around, technically. Existing..

07/12/2024

07/12/2024

Oh.. hey.. I see you like ...

07/10/2024

Real life has been hectic as usual, but I've made a couple of train of thought processing posts on my personal profile, so I'll combine 'em over here and give y'all friends a blog dump:

Processing some good self-realization stuff this weekend. There's the meme/trope in trans le***an circles about "Do I want to be this person or be with this person?" (Also commonly seen with pictures of attractive femmes and written as "Do I want to look like this or have s*x with this?" And we all chuckle and laugh in the community because it's so relatable.

But I've begun to realize maybe that meme has done more harm than good for me - the constant pressure to want to look femme and pretty as a trans woman, passing, being conventional, etc. is why I've constantly battled for a long time over presenting and identifying as a butch; but now I think I have a more definitive answer to the either/or question; it's less that I want to look femme and more that I'm attracted to them. (I mean, obviously, how we look isn't monolothic and I have days where I feel more femme than others, etc.) But the reality is that despite where I started my journey with being trans, wanting to be cute and girly and feeling pressured to do so by the medical community, the more I felt pushed to be one thing, the more my internal innate nature kept showing through of me being exactly who I am. But instead of feeling guilty or like a failure for not being able to live up to femme beauty standards like the world has insisted, I'm maybe now finally beginning to wrap my head around not feeling guilty for being the authentic butchy tomboy that I very clearly am. I need to embrace who I am instead of constantly feeling the need to be something or someone else.

Suffice to say maybe embracing myself instead of feeling driven to pursue goals that aren't me will allow me to move forward with my life in a way that finally is realistic and meaningful.

It's hard being single at my age. My brain sometimes forgets that I'm 46 and not 30's. Although I am noticing that the people I'm noticing as attractive are definitely in my age range at least. Sadly, though, without being able to be social all that much anymore, especially in , with it's associated lack of qu**rs (esp. middle age and single) or even left leaning folks, my prospects for any sort of social or romantic options are slim to none. Le oof.

Edit: Additionally, while I am trying to learn to accept my butchy tomboy-ness, I'm pretty clueless about navigating le***an / transbian dating dynamics and just dating in general. (My track record ain't great.) I am still constantly battling the internalized whatever (self loathing doesn't seem like the right term, but whatevs) that just makes me feel programmed to think that no one is ever attracted to me, they're just friendly or want me to do s**t for them, and that never helps matters any either.

07/09/2024

Good, that's the karma you deserve for eating at Bigot Bird.

06/17/2024

My estrogen was shipped from Portland June 13. Should've been here Saturday or today. Checked tracking. Went to Delaware and is now in Philadelphia. Have to assume someone saw "Salem" and missorted it to Massachusetts or something. Despite ordering my refill with a week of meds left, I'm now out and waiting because of mail f**kery. Thanks, Louis Dejoy. 😡

06/09/2024

Had my first hormone level check in a couple years yesterday. My e level came back 41 (post menopausal range)
And my t levels are non-existent. This just backs up how I've been saying my HRT has been off for a long time and also probably explains why I have struggled to feel femme or have any sort of s*x drive. I feel vindicated but also super pi**ed because I feel like my doctors use fatphobia to justify not treating my hormones appropriately.

06/07/2024

I got a diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes today. So that's new and fun. :/

05/27/2024

This year I've been dealing with having to switch to new health insurance, new primary doctors, getting my prescriptions switched around, and so forth. My new insurance actually has their own specific gender clinic, which I recently had my first appointment with. Admittedly, at first, I was annoyed and resentful, because it often feels like every time I have to deal with new insurance and doctors, they reinvent the wheel and only know how to treat transpeople as if they're all brand new to transitioning, and it feels pretty patronizing to me as someone who's been on HRT since 2006.

However, this clinic was actually sensitive to that, and I finally feel like I have competent care from people who know trans healthcare. I have the option to potentially switch from oral estrogen to injected, they're giving me support to restart hair reduction / electrolysis, and potentially fast tracking me to get a new letter so I can potentially get in for FFS. After having felt very disappointed with my journey and healthcare after getting GRS and feeling pretty much just sort of abandoned "you got what you needed, what more do you want?" I might finally be able to access ancillary trans services that will actually make a difference in my day to day life and help me socially and in public.

I'm actually pretty excited about this. 😄😁

05/26/2024

Oh hey, I'm still around. Haven't had bandwidth to post for a while, though.

And hey, this is appropriate! I'm fat, and body shaming and fat shaming are not welcome here on my page!

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

IG

05/13/2024

Considering it was always taboo to clock someone else and notice it, I always hated the paradox of being trans in public - how the hell are we supposed to make community & be there for each other if we're supposed to pretend we don't recognize each other as trans because we're all supposed to be stealth? So my answer, 20 years ago, was to be out loud & public, so you could come to me for support if you chose, without me outing anyone. I could be strong enough to be vocal and public for those who couldn't be. And I'll continue to do so as long as I have breath.

05/12/2024

I may not have any biological kids of my own, but I have two amazing (grown) stepkids from a previous relationship. ❤️