With God all anything is possible. Still a hot mess, striving to be my best each day. Live laugh love
02/15/2025
Really short preview of my book so far, I just copied and pasted some of the paragraphs. I don’t wanna give away too much in yet. Please comments and stats all welcome
I was on the phone with a friend across the state and telling her these things except I neglected to tell her that I was on drugs and very high. Well the cops showed up and I had a warrant for violation of probation and got sent to jail for a few weeks. I got out the the day after Christmas
His name was Ryan and he was from Maryland just on the other side of Lancaster County, PA. We agreed to meet at his home. He seemed ok but a little bit off in a sense but was kinda normal for me. I began to get myself together and head down there to meet this man. So I did my thing and took a little while. Later in the afternoon I headed to Rising Sun, MD, where I was to meet this man. We were texting or talking while I was driving.
That morning in August 2020, we woke up in a hotel. I went down to get us coffee and whatever they had to snack for breakfast. Brought it back up to our room. Let’s take it back to the day before when we got to the hotel. We were fresh out if drugs, and I was so tired and went to sleep while tweaky McGee went on fu***ng s**t up in the room tearing it apart.
Spring, the year 2022, was the very first time I had felt a small lump in my left breast. Of course, I thought nothing of it, mainly because fatty tumors are familiar in my family. Although I had a fairly bigger breast size than all of my family and dense breasts still brushed it off like it was nothing.
Within two and a half weeks or less, I was on the phone with him and was told that he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me. I was devastated. I mean he was the man of my dreams, my soulmate.
I was left literally penniless, no phone and nowhere to go, stay or anything. Yet once again left stranded. So I look at my engagement ring that we got free from someone while panhandiling, and I kid you not this man handed to him a 2.25 ct. Platnum diamond ring which was worht over $9,000 when I got it appraised. I cried and just didn’t know what else to do because I didn’t want to go backwards to the person I used to be. I was an escort/prostitute for many years of my life before we met. I had come to like me, respect me and knew that definitely was not a road I didn’t ever want to go down again or want to follow.
This sacred space of prayer is outside the church in a very small not even secluded area. After being brought there and feeling so strong within me on me and around me was and is the presence of my heavenly Father. I felt him, heard him, cries to him. Some of my prayers were answered at the time and I had more understanding. This is to make a new place for me when I find myself with my dog homeless and jobless in the middle of the summer.
When she was done with taking pictures, I was told to wait in the waiting room while the radiologist read them. I was asked to keep on my gown. I waited just a few short minutes until I was called into another room. I was then told the radiologist wanted to see me. This is when I began to think that something could be wrong. The doctor came in and spoke with me, saying there is a mess in my left breast and it’s pretty big, so she wanted to have an ultrasound done as well to look at it more in depth.
It was at the end after I was told that she was requesting a biopsy, that I asked her questing a biopsy, that I asked her what the chances if this not being cancer? She replied, “there is a 95% chance that it is cancer.” I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I was devastated by the words that just came out of her mouth, like she’s crazy and there is no way this could be happening to me. I got dressed and walked out to check out and it hit me really hard oh my God, I have breast cancer and there’s no way they don’t already know if the chances are that high of it being cancer. All I could do was cry. I never felt so alone in my life. I wanted a shoulder to cry on and I had no one. This was the hardest pill to swallow right then and there. Standing in this doctor’s office, just getting the news that you’re chances of having breast cancer are 95% and I’m by myself. I felt as if everyone had heard the news and knew what I was told as they looked at me. The looks I was given were shameful, as the others felt bad that I was alone and didn’t have support with me. I had never imagined that I would ever get this news.
