AlkaChaz

10/29/2023

Halloween with Messenger Vessel, Violent Convictions, and a taste of Agency WV.
Sorry I missed your set Ghost Home.
Agency, I'm sorry that my battery died, you were awesome!

10/27/2023

Getting ready for the show tonight!!
Little red riding hood will be there, and I have some goodies in my basket...

10/27/2023

10/26/2023

Friday, November 18, 2022
12:37 PM

How do I put down something so heavy without consequence
It is too much, it is the weight of the world
I have always had this weight for as long as I can remember
I have always felt everything with great depth
So what happens if I let it all go
When carrying this weight has made me the person I am
Will I lose myself
I do not want to get lost in this cruel world
Maybe it is my job to carry this weight
To love in depths that can mend the broken
I have always felt drawn to the lonely, bullied, misunderstood
I am here to love the unloved
I am love
Maybe it is not the weight that is the problem
The weight has made me strong
Maybe it is only the chains that have been placed upon me
From an early age I was led to believe that I had problems
That I was wrong for being the way I was, the way I am
I made mistakes and made bad choices, of course
But there was never anything wrong with the person that I was
It was not wrong to feel as I did

This is why I never liked medications they made me numb
We need to feel and stop trying to bury ourselves
I am not the problem I am the solution
If everyone could feel as deeply as I do the world would change
I am here to help get us back to our natural state
But first I must break free from my own prison
Remove these false fears that have been forced upon me
Then I can lift the weight of the world instead of only dragging it around

10/26/2023

Tuesday, November 8, 2022
11:31 PM

Muscles tight and shallow breathing
It feels as if my soul is leaving

A lump in my throat and tightness in my chest
I hope they know I tried my best

Hands shaking I'm starting to sweat
I'm so overwhelmed with so much regret

All my bad choices and the people I've hurt
I feel at my lowest, lower than dirt

My body is tired and my mind is a mess
I don't think I can take any more stress

I can feel it all start to crumble and fall apart
The weight of the world is breaking my heart

10/26/2023

Sunday, October 2, 2022
5:01 PM

I feel my heart breaking
I can't catch my breath
Everything goes silent
I'm waiting for death

A bright flash of white
Snaps me back to reality
I feel so completely alone
Not even death wants me

10/26/2023

Friday, September 16, 2022
10:52 PM

I feel like I've lost myself
But I have no idea how, when, or where
It seems as though people are drawn to me
But do any of them actually care

Maybe my head is just full of negativity
And I'm projecting it onto my friends
Am I hurting everyone who tries to love me
How do I truly make amends

How do I break this cycle
I no longer want to be a part of this game
But how do you put a stop to something
When you can't even call it by name

10/26/2023

My soul is crying
For this world that is dying
Why does everyone keep lying
Why am I the only one trying

My head is spinning
Seems like evil is winning
Why does this not have an ending
Hold on it's only the beginning

This world is slowly killing me for real
I don't understand any of these people
Like what's the deal

The apocalypse is upon us now
Not many people are going to get out
They don't know how

I need to get away from all the noise
My sanity has been put back on the line
F**k all these boys

Must escape my head
To put these demons to bed
Right now before I end up dead
Find peace before everything goes red

Please stop this chatter
I'm as mad as the Hatter
People asking what's the matter
About to serve a bloody platter

My heart is the biggest problem for me
It's way too damn soft for this ugly cruel world
Why can't you see

No matter what it is I say or do
No matter the amount of love that I give
No one is true

People have become so damn self centered
Afraid to go to the place that will save them
The unventured

Sticking to the script
Everyone staying tight lipped
My lid is about to be flipped
About to put myself in the crypt

To afraid to take a look deep inside
Society is doomed to remain brainwashed
Enjoy the ride

I am so sorry
For the ones who are not me
And for the ones who can not see
This is not the way the world should be

So let us rise together to our feet
Stand up for everything you believe in, or
Admit defeat

10/26/2023

Why is everything so temporary
Why must all things be broken
Why do all the angry words escape us
While the purest of feelings remain unspoken

Why does my heart have no boundaries
Why must I always be the fool
I know these monsters will never love me
To them I am only a tool

Do I think that I can change them
Or do I enjoy living in this hell
Maybe I am just drawn to the darkness
Or maybe I am under some spell

10/26/2023

I have finally come to learn
That my demons are here to stay
I've given up on trying to defeat them
Now I let them out to play

I just need to find my balance
Between the dark and light
So for now I'll follow my heart
And try to do what is right

But too much light is also a problem
Then I get taken for granted and used
So my darkness is also my protection
It keeps me from being abused

I can't allow the darkness to take over
The pain and suffering mustn't win
I must leave a little room
To let the light back in

But how do I find my balance
In this world that can't be still
With the constant hiding and lying
How do I even know who is real

I no longer have trust in people
I can't even trust myself anymore
I want my heart to quit hurting
To get myself up off the floor

But I just keep getting kicked
Every fu***ng time I try to stand
And it seems like everyone disappears
As soon as I reach out for a hand

10/26/2023

I have never felt like I belong here
Not my mind, body, or soul
I'm not sure where my home is
I feel completely lost and unwhole

Maybe one day I will find where I belong
Or at least my purpose in this place
That seems like the only thing
That will put a true smile on my face

I can no longer take this pain
That grows every day in my heart
This world is so full of sadness
It is literally tearing me apart

People hurting people for no reason
Other than being cruel
No longer equal at all
Seen only as a tool

This world has become sick
Not many can control their urge
There seems no other answer
This evil must be purged

10/26/2023

I found a few more old ones.

I can feel it getting dark again
I try to get out of bed
But the world begins to spin

Can someone please come get me out
I am frozen in place, paralyzed
Unable to speak, scream, or shout

These demons, they have a hold on me
I fear they won't let go until I'm dead
For I am their food, they feed on my energy

My light is a beacon, but it is also a curse
All types of lost, broken, and lonely souls are drawn to me
As are all types of people, who feed on making things worse

I feel compelled to help others even when I have nothing to gain
I believe it is my calling, or my purpose if you will
but after so long it begins to take its toll, causing me only pain

I say I feel lost, cold, empty, lonely, and broken
But no words can explain my true thoughts and feelings
I am always misunderstood so it is better left unspoken

10/19/2023

https://www.twitch.tv/alkachaz33

10/16/2023

Lizzie_Error and Savannah are live on Cooking with Kids, come watch.

Live streaming and videos including gaming, fitness, music, nature, cooking, and more.

10/15/2023

I Am live On Twitch:
Check it out
AlkaChaz and kids playing Minecraft https://www.twitch.tv/alkachaz33

Help Me Reach My Affiliate Goal

AlkaChaz

AlkaChaz and kids playing Minecraft

10/14/2023

Clearly...

Muggle!

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10/14/2023

This is now available in the you print it poetry range, link in comments.

Hope your weekend if full of fun 🥰

❤️ Trudi Jane

10/14/2023

Author: unknown

10/12/2023

https://www.twitch.tv/alkachaz33

Please help me meet my goals!

10/12/2023

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10/10/2023

AlkaChaz and kids playing Minecraft https://www.twitch.tv/alkachaz33

Please Help Me Reach my Follower Goal Im At 7/50
Thanks and Enjoy My Content

AlkaChaz and kids playing Minecraft