01/14/2025
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🚨 Public service announcement 🚨
If you are new to Virginia we are about to experience “VA Winter”. This is 6 or 7 days of cold, maybe some ice and snow. News will threaten snow. It may snow, it may not and if the news says 2 inches it could be 10 or it could be 1/2”. It doesn’t matter how much snow it is, we’ll all freak out because we don’t see snow often.
The threat of snow (or ice) from the good ol’ news is your prompt to head to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs and bread. It doesn’t matter if you need these items. It’s just what we do.
Everyone in town will be there.
You’ll also need to make a mad dash for faucet covers and finding them and getting out of the store will be like an episode of the hunger games.
You’re in the redneck district.
Don’t look for a sled. You won’t find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill.
Just go with it.
You’ll be fine.
We don’t have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess and even though the state has been telling you for a week they’re ready, they’re not and it won’t work. Just stay home if you can and if you can’t just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive in snow and ice.
Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires.
If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath and wait. Two guys in a four wheel drive truck will be along in no time to offer assistance. Don’t try to help them, they live for this stuff, and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams “hey y’all watch this” just get back and get your phone out and start recording, you’ll probably have a viral video.
Also of note, when they offer you beer and deer sticks, don’t be rude, take them and smile.
No matter what you do, don’t talk about how they did it back home in any of these scenarios.
Nobody cares.
You live in Virginia now.
When we act like we're going to die and complain about the 7 days of winter, just shut- up, we are serious and dont care how much you love it.
We dont.
You"ll be back in shorts and flip flops in a week to ten days, tops, It'll be nice until right around Easter.
VA will have a " second winter " and it will last 2 to 3 days and hit right around Easter, usually the week before or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant your flowers. We know you're not from around here when we see you have planted your flowers before Easter and before " second winter" has hit. This is why all the people from the nursery dont sound like us when you're shopping for plants.
We know better.
During second winter it will go from 70 to 25 and you will experience all four seasons in one day. This too shall pass, get used to it and when second winter is over summer will be here you can enjoy about 3-4 weeks of " Spring" before summer gets here and it'll be melt your face off hot until sometime after Halloween. 😆 🤣 😂
