Peace in Chaos

05/19/2024

This morning, we joined you in the choir of Heaven and worshipped together. I watched your children do something not many can do, they truly worshipped in the midst of their pain. I watched Ethan Dixon stand next to your flowers and help lead us even though he wasn’t 100% sure where he was going, but he trusted HIM. I watched Renee Dixon, stand with pride, honor, and love worshipping and truly praying over her husband as if her own worship would be the strength needed to carry her and Ethan through this, I know you are so proud of them! I watched Christlynn Dixon come to the front and dance her way to the throne; she was determined to get there and knew Holy Spirit would meet her there, He did. I watched Brennan Cowan, stand directly beside her, knowing that at any minute she would need his strength and when the time came, he was there. While comforting her, he worshipped, right along with her. I know you are so proud of them! I watched Zachary Dixon ride the elevator upstairs and serve kids. He worshipped his heart out with those Legacy Kids and did exactly what he knew God had called him to because as much as they needed him, he needed them! I watched Lynn Dixon, stand in strength, honoring you as she worshipped through her heartache. I know you are so proud of them!! The six of them love Jesus and are serving Him. Vern, it’s what we prayed for! They are doing what every parent truly desires for their kids. You showed them! You pushed through your pain and worshipped and knew no matter what happens, it is well! They took that and they have run with it my friend! I know you are so proud!!!
I watched Brian Dixon allow those who love him to surround him. He leaned on the people God put in your lives to support him and stand with him. I watched him worship and know in his heart you were right there singing loud right along with him; worship is your heart Vern and each of them today honored you in that so well!
While words will never come close in expressing how much I miss you, I will do my very best to simply worship through every bit of it. I’m a little jealous of your worship experience right now, I cannot imagine the joy! Oh the joy! Love you my friend!

05/06/2024

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04/03/2024

It has taken me months to articulate this. Months to dissect the altercation that was going on in my heart and today is the day! I know it may be a long read, but I promise it is worth it. For HE has done a work!

Four years ago I made a status about betrayal and how as I became an adult, never could have imagined the pain it would cause. On that status, a sweet friend Wanda Talley, commented saying...

"Judas kisses all of us at one time or another.....betrayal is
one of the hardest lessons we learn as we grow up"

As I was looking back on my memories this comment caught me and it could not have come at a better time. I struggle sometimes with allowing myself to get hurt so deeply. I get close, fast, and in doing so allows my heart to become so vulnerable to hurt and betrayal. There are days where I want to build up those walls and say 'nope, never again will I allow someone into those spots. I will not get hurt again'. Cause that hurt, HURTS!
Now, as I try to find the balance between, keeping my walls up and making myself vulnerable again, waiting for the next painful happening I am reminded that Jesus truly knows betrayal like no other. He literally gave ALL of himself for the one that betrayed him. He even CONTINUED to bless, love on, and serve those whose very next actions were to betray him...................HE DID IT ANYWAY................

We live in a society that tells us to walk away from it all. To close the door and never allow anyone to walk all over our heart again. But honey, DO IT! Allow them close. Allow them in. Serve them. Love them. Don't you remember the dinners, the tears, the hugs, the late night card games, and even the HARD things you walked through together? Those were good memories. Those were things you would not want to have missed. Will it be hard? YES. Will it take time? Yes, those people did not get that close over night and it will take time for others to make their way into your heart.
But, when you do, there will me more laughter. More late night card games, shopping trips, holiday dinners, hugs, and tears. Will these new relationships hurt you? Maybe. Probably. We all end up hurting or being hurt. We are human and we tend to do that sort of thing without malice or even ill-judgement.
BUT DO IT ANYWAY.

Because the very next time you do get hurt. When the familiar pain begins to creep back up and you again want to recluse yourself and hide away, HE will do it again. He will bring comfort and peace. He will bring someone to speak wisdom. Then He will bring someone to begin to replace that whole, the cover the gapping wound that was left behind.

Whether it is church hurt, friend hurt, spousal hurt, family hurt, whatever it was. HE HAS YOU!
So my friend, stand up, brush off your clothes, wipe your face, and DO IT ANYWAY.