Albuquerque Is Awful

02/20/2024

Looks like an excellent day for an N95 🤧

04/01/2023

https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=622959019870816&id=100064701699684&post_id=100064701699684_622959019870816&sfnsn=mo&mibextid=6aamW6

Breaking news: Albuquerque will soon be the first city in the world to install designated traffic lanes just for roadrunners! Your drive through the city will be a little cuter as you share the road with the beloved state bird. Beep beep!

08/24/2020

Lurking Roadrunner In Woman's Laundry! An animal with a reputation for criminality, painting fake tunnels on walls, cruelty to coyotes, and playing in traffic spent the afternoon observing victim's clothesline. She reports feeling judged by his beady little eyes inspecting her whites. Be warned! Criminals are Everywhere! You might see one of these little anarchists ANYWHERE!

08/08/2020

Suspicious Activity Spotted in Albuquerque Park!

Residents are advised to be on the lookout for rioting condiments. Beware, the mayo may cause food poisoning if left out. Please properly imprison all perishable food items in a refrigerator and do not post bail for misbehaving mustard.

07/28/2020

MONDAY MADNESS: Albuquerque kids are out of control!

Teenager texts Mom, "I'm bored." Mom promises to cure it with a rake and a broom.

07/26/2020

Did someone say FIRES AND LOOTING? You mean like that weird religious ritual sportsball people do where they burn down their own cities after sportsball things!? My pearls are all clutched out, please donate new ones to the cause.

07/26/2020

SHAMELESS BEHAVIOR IN ALBUQUERQUE WALMART- Sunday Morning- 99.99% of patrons wearing facemasks with no fear of government control or "the virus," no one spotted wearing pajamas, middle-aged woman with three dozen tiny items thoughtlessly forgets to allow elderly woman with one item to go ahead of her in line, purchases elderly woman's $2 Sunday Paper so she can go on and get out of the store without waiting. Elderly woman left the store with newspaper and cannot be reached for comment. Middle-aged woman confesses to having been raised to respect the elderly and feeling guilty for not having been more mindful. She admits to having had brain-fog because she needed to eat breakfast. There were some pigeons in the parking lot. This situation is out of control! Local child whines "what about children's lives?" and throws a tantrum because if elderly ladies are treated with dignity there won't be enough mattering left over for "all lives."

07/25/2020

Live Broadcast! Only one hour after actual event! Complete with grainy home video footage! Albuquerque woman ambushed while washing dishes! Victim IDs criminal as a Mr. Daddy W Longlengs. Longlegs has an extensive criminal record including Murder of Mosquitoes and Trespass in Bathtubs.

If spotted, approach with an empty cup and piece of junkmail for capture and release program.

07/24/2020

Ratted out by his own Humans! A Dangerously Adorable Dog is our Most Wanted Criminally Cute Companion Animal of the Day!

Have you seen this Good Boy? He might be eating bees IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!!!

Have a Hot Tip? Drop it here so we can all be aware of the Terrible Crime Problem and Live in Fear!

Don't approach the bees and they won't bother you.

07/24/2020

Looking for all the wonderful people and things in Albuquerque and Reporting On the Ground as if the

07/24/2020

Calling all Albuquerque Denizens and Criminals!

Did your pet do something Criminally Cute? Is your sink full of Dangerously Dirty Dishes? Did a kid in your neighborhood act like a kid? Have you witnessed Threatening Behavior like sharing a wave with a Stranger on your evening walks? Has the wildlife harassed you?

Contact Albuquerque is Awful with all your Crime Tips and Eye Witness Accounts for Up To The Minute Hard Hitting Reporting!