27/02/2024
When your child misbehaves they don’t directly cause you anger. You cause your own anger by the way you view their misbehavior and by your irrational self-talk statements about their behavior. You make yourself intensely upset by complaining that your child’s behavior is horrible, terrible, and awful, and that you can’t stand it. Realize that you can change your child’s behavior without upsetting yourself.
As parents we control our anger, by taking responsibility for our feelings and our behavior when angry. We do this by acknowledging that our self-talk statements, and our beliefs and expectations for our child’s behavior, directly control our feelings and behavior. Realize it’s rational and helpful to feel only disappointed, annoyed, and irritated at our child. It’s irrational to feel angry to such a degree that we might emotionally or physically hurt a child we love. Don’t nurture and intensify hurtful anger.
Parents are encouraged to apply STOP-THINK-ACT method by Lynn Clark to manage their anger in their daily interactions with children:
STOP: Pause in the heat of the moment when you feel anger rising. Take a deep breath and step back mentally from the situation. Interrupt the automatic response of intense anger.
THINK: Reflect on your thoughts and self-talk statements about your child’s behavior. Challenge irrational beliefs and expectations that fuel intense anger. Remind yourself that you have control over your reactions and emotions.
ACT: Choose a constructive response to your child’s misbehavior. Instead of reacting with intense anger, express disappointment, annoyance, or irritation calmly and assertively. Communicate your expectations and boundaries clearly while offering guidance and support to your child.
By implementing the STOP-THINK-ACT method, we empower ourselves to manage anger responsibly and positively influence our interactions with our children.