19/11/2024
For me, these have been the important lessons I’ve learned over that time span:
1.Don’t get too invested before you meet someone in person
No matter how cute their pics are, or how scintillating the chat…you just can’t tell if the vibe is right until you’re breathing the same air. So there’s no point in bonding for three weeks, learning the names of their pet goldfish and favorite Tolstoy novel, if you’re going to know it’s time to Nope right on out of there within 8.4 seconds of seeing their face in person.
2. Set boundaries early, often, and vociferously
I don’t know where I first read the idea, but it has stuck with me. You can learn a lot about someone by how they react when you say no to them. Many of us are socialized to go along and not to push back too much, but it’s very informative to tell someone, “Actually 5 isn’t good for me; let’s do 6:30 instead” and see what they do with that. Don’t be afraid to be direct about what you want, what’s important to you, and who you are. They’re freakin’ strangers; what do you have to lose??
Also - if they start out making plans to meet for a drink or a meal and then try to switch to just going to their place (or them coming to yours) - that’s a classic bait & switch. What you do with it is up to you, but that person is NOT interested in dating you in any way that involves putting on pants or combing their hair. Ever. You cannot change this; don’t try. Choose accordingly.
3. Keep an open mind but also accept that you like what you like
I now have an absolute type - who knew?!? And it’s a type of guy I’ve really never dated before. Given that my recent first dates are currently being tallied in the dozens while second dates are still pretty close to single digits, it seems valid to say that I’m responding to a pretty specific physical and personality type right now.
I tried fighting it - everyone deserves a chance! who knows what the next unexpected connection could bring! - but it’s true; the ****t wants what the ****t wants. And things have been much easier since I embraced that and quit trying to date guys who just don’t get my motor going, trust me.
Anyway…I think online dating is great. By the time I start chatting with someone I’m relatively sure that they’re available, interested in me on some level, and looking to connect. It’s a decent starting point.
Also, I haven’t been arrested for grabbing anybody’s ass in an elevator, so I’m counting that as a total win.
