11/05/2024
16 THINGS I LEARNED FROM QUEEN OF TEARS
1. Learn to communicate with your spouse--honestly, vulnerably, consistently.
Crucial conversations can either strengthen or strain relationships. Their problem started when, at one critical moment, the couple chose to suffer in silence rather than engage in a painful but much-needed dialogue. Later on, wrong assumptions arose, leading to misunderstandings and, ultimately, irreconcilable differences.
2.The vows we make are not promises to break, but covenants to uphold.
Baek Hyun Woo promised to always be by Hae In's side. However, in earlier episodes, he was so desperate to part ways from his wife. Hong Hae In promised her husband that she would never let him cry (Isa itong malaking scam. hahah). Of course, we know this promise has been broken several times.
Yet, when they finally committed to honoring their vows, we witnessed the immense lengths they were willing to traverse to uphold them.
3. Love is not just about whispering sweet nothings.
Who can forget Hong Hae In's definition of love?
“I don’t know what love means to you. But to me, it’s not about being happy and whispering sweet nothings. Love is enduring pain together, choosing to stay instead of running away. Even if there's a debt or something more, you still stick together. That’s love.”
4. Breakthroughs happen when we admit that we needed help.
The breakthrough happened when Hong Hae In admitted, "I was in front of your house, then suddenly I was somewhere else. I don’t know when I went there or how. I have no idea. I was so scared.”
This is when her husband realized the gravity of the situation, and that his wife needed him.
5. Sometimes, home is a person.
In Episode 5, Hong Hae In traveled back to where they spent their honeymoon, to Germany, to the place of "no sadness." Ironically, she felt alone and sad in there. Because she realized that home is where her beloved is. Face to face with her husband, she said, "Let's go home."
6. Love is not about reciprocity.
When Hae In recalled her first love, she said, "You’re happy to watch them from afar." On the other hand, in the next episode, Baek Hyun Woo took the risk of being hated just for his wife to have a reason to live.
7. You must set boundaries properly.
For me, one of Hae In's best strengths is being able to set clear boundaries. This is also the reason why the antagonist has no excuse for pushing himself as he has never been led on. In Episode 7, Hae In confronted Eunsung and told him, “I didn’t divorce him so you could have a chance.”
This is queen behavior.
8. No matter your status in life, always keep a humble posture.
Who can forget the iconic scenes on reversal of fates when the "Queens" were stripped of their status and riches, and had no choice but to live in Yong Du Ri? The family they once belittled is now the family that will keep them fed and sheltered.
Here, we are reminded to treat people with kindness and dignity, regardless of their status.
9. When happiness seems elusive at the moment, focus first on being less miserable.
We simply cannot control our circumstances, and happiness is not guaranteed. So do not feel frustrated for not being able to achieve your own “One Trillion Club” sooner; rather, focus on the small steps you can take to be less miserable.
The following dialogue took place between Hyun Woo and Hong Hae In in episode 9:
“Do you think being together in this situation will make us happier?” – Hong Hae In
“We’ll be less miserable.” – Baek Hyun Woo.
One of the first steps to being less miserable is realizing that there will be people who will stand alongside you.
10. Outlove each other.
One of the most heartwarming scenes is when Hyun Woo adorably “guesses” if his wife likes him or not, by picking leaves. When he picked the last leaf, drunk and standing in front of his wife’s door, he uttered: “She likes me? But that’s not the case for me. I love her. I love you, Hae In.”
11. Live with no regrets.
In Episode 11, we see a glimpse of why Hae In finds it difficult to accept death peacefully. She has regrets... of not being able to express forgiveness, gratitude, and love towards her husband.
“I can’t die yet. I haven’t told you yet that it’s okay. That I never resented you. I haven’t thanked you for being by my side all these years despite all the harsh words I didn’t mean.” – Hong Hae In
12. The most important things in life are not things.
The chairman Hong Mandae, despite being one of the wealthiest in the country, admitted that he lived a wasteful life when he realized that, at the end of his life, all he wanted was to have spent more time with his beloved family.
“I’ve been a money-grubber all my life. I did everything in my power to keep the money I gathered. I wasted most of my years doing that. What am I left with? I’d like you to know that I regret the life I led. I hope you live differently. I truly hope that you won’t look back in futility at the end of the road.” – Chairman Hong Mandae
13. Sometimes, the best lessons in life are from the times we have fallen and failed.
Hong Choo Seol lived his life without falling or failing. But the absence of both has left him with almost no skills in the simplest things like biking and, to some important matters, like discerning business deals. “I’ve had two training wheels throughout my whole life. One was you, and the other one was you. But now, I want to remove them and stand on my own two feet.” – Hong Soo Cheol
14. Be with people who have the best interest for you.
Who else had goosebumps during the scene when the SNU lawyers rushed to represent Hyun Woo when the news broke out that their friend is suspected to have murdered someone?
Find yourself friends like this. Friends who will stick by you when you are facing divorce, or termination of employment, or even a murder trial. Pero sana ‘wag mong lahatin ang problema. Hahah. But you get the point, find friends who will pull you through the hardest of times. Better yet, be that kind of friend.
15. Parents, do not underestimate your power to influence the next generation.
Hyun Woo grew up to be the best version of himself because of the unconditional support and love of his parents.
Hae In grew up being hurt in the unforgiving and unfair environment fostered by her mom.
Hong Choo Seol grew up not learning some basic skills because everything was fed to him.
Da Hye grew up with no parents. At a young age, she learned how to fend for herself, without thinking how her actions of survival will hurt others.
And the most heartbreaking of all, Eunsung, who has done unimaginable evil, trying to earn his mom’s love. Later on, he still yearned for and forced this love, leading to his tragic end.
16. Marriage is being on the same team.
“That’s what marriage is. Being on the same side and in the same boat. And if the boat capsizes, then we go down together. If you live, then I live too. That’s what it is.”
“But in the future, there will be many times when I’m even more flabbergasted, wronged, and upset. But I’d be very delighted if you were in the boat I was in. Even if we need to bail water out and row all night long, I’d have someone to rely on. Shouldn’t we marry someone who makes us feel that way?” – Baek Hyun Woo.
This is the reason why I love Queen of Tears; they have set high standards and meaning to marriage.
Finally, I do not want to spiritualize koreanovelas (Seriously, how can I not be reminded of Bible verses when there are a lot of scenes that they are praying for each other?) but at the end of this drama, I am reminded of this beautiful verse from 1 Corinthians 13:
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
CTTO
