23/09/2024
Today, being Family Day, seems like the perfect moment to reflect on this.
Disclaimer: This post is long, but I hope it’s helpful.
Though I am not a parent myself, my insights come from years of working closely with families and children as a teachers, a school guidance counselor and a school principal. The observations I will share are not definitive for every family, but they are based on patterns I’ve seen across different generations.
Many of my friends and siblings belong to the millennial generation, now raising their own children. Millennials, as we know, have navigated a unique set of challenges growing up. We were the generation that often encountered strict discipline—whether it was the use of a slipper, a belt, or a quick reprimand—because we were adventurous, playful, and eager to test boundaries. Our parents came from a generation that valued discipline as a primary means of teaching right from wrong.
Despite, or perhaps because of, these disciplinary experiences, we grew up learning how to overcome adversity. We were risk-takers, pushing boundaries and learning through exploration, often of things that were off-limits. This process, while sometimes painful, taught us resilience and how to find our own way.
Now that millennials are parents, I’ve observed a shift in their approach to child-rearing. They tend to foster an environment of empowerment, allowing their children more freedom, but with some protective measures to shield them from failure. They provide their children with what they themselves were deprived of—whether that’s material comforts or emotional understanding. As a result, many Gen Z children have grown up driven by success, but often without the same opportunities to experience failure firsthand.
What we see now is a generation that excels in many areas but struggles with resilience when things don’t go as planned. There’s a tendency for depression or a feeling of inadequacy when success isn’t immediate, which is reflective of a parenting style that leans more toward protection than preparation.
The key point I’d like to make is this: The way children behave today is largely shaped by how they were molded by their parents and adult figures. If you want your children to grow into resilient, well-rounded adults, it’s essential to allow them to experience failure and hardship, just as you did. Let them explore, make mistakes, and feel the weight of consequences—but always be there to support them when they fall. Your role is not to shield them from every difficulty but to help them navigate it.
While providing your children with what they need, it’s important to regulate how much they get of what they want. Teaching them the difference between needs and wants, as well as the value of things (not just in terms of price but in terms of significance), is crucial for their development. Family values should always be taught at home, with parents acting as the primary moral compass rather than leaving it solely to teachers or external influences.
If a situation calls for discipline, don’t shy away from it—but always explain why it was necessary. Whether it’s a verbal reprimand or a more physical form of discipline, the goal should be to teach, not just punish. When children understand the reasoning behind a consequence, they learn valuable lessons about right and wrong. This not only shapes their behavior but also helps them grow into responsible adults who are more of an asset to society than a liability.
In the end, resilience comes from experiencing, understanding, and overcoming life’s challenges, and as parents, the best gift you can give your children is the wisdom to navigate both success and failure.
Happy Family Day mga Palangga.
