13/07/2024
๐ฆ๐๐ฒ๐ฝ-๐ฏ๐-๐ฆ๐๐ฒ๐ฝ ๐ง๐ผ๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฑ๐ ๐ฎ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐ผ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐บ๐ฒ๐บ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฟ
I woke up early today.
Who wouldn't? It's a big day!
What big day? It's graduation day!
Me and my parents have been waiting so long for this day. Mom permed her hair while dad bought himself new shiny shoes. My siblings even went off to somewhere to prepare for tonight's simple dinner celebration with the relatives after the ceremony.
Time really flies so fast. Earlier we're just at home hearing mom's nagging because according to her, 'we're getting late', and you don't wanna be late for your graduation, do you? However, news flash! We got here at the venue two hours before call time. Now, mom thinks that everybody's late. I really could never.
And we waited, and waited, and viola! Now, I'm lining up with my fellow graduates just waiting for our name to be called for the receiving of our certificates and diploma. Now, I'm only a few minutes away from the outside world. So fun! Haha.
This is nothing to be thrilled about. I practised. All I have to do is to stand still and move only when the line has to.
Yes, sounds good. Inhale. Exhale.
Only a few meters away, yes, walk slowly. At the stairs, now step one foot up andโ
Seriously?
Out of all times and moments that I have to slip, does it really have to be now?
Why, though? Am I excited?! Elated?! Nervous?! Meh.
I'm mid.
"Oh no, no, no. No we're not! Of course we're excited!"
I looked up to the sudden voice who saidโno, claimed that we're excited.
"Oh sorry, here. Let me help you up." The person said as they offered their hand to assist me to stand up.
"Thanks," I said in a confused tone. I was about to turn and take my mom's hand to go up the stage but she's nowhere to be found. I turned around once again to look for her, but everything became too quiet.
Suddenly, there's no one but me... and the strange person.
"What happened? Where are the others?" I accused the only person who's with me now. How come they're gone and I was left alone... with a stranger?
The person pouted and looked at me dejected.
"I thought we promised? That wherever life may lead us, we will always remember who we are."
"Huh?" My confusion grows more. What is this person even saying?
"Remember the first day of class? We were so worried that we might leave some things behind that we ended up bringing our entire big highschool backpack? We even brought art materials like watercolour, paintbrushes, and even coloured papers? Only to learn that we'll only be having subject orientations. Well, of course except for that one major prof who's all in for a major recitation on the first day! First day! Oh my, how embarrassing!"
"Wait! Who are you? How did you know that?" I asked, eyeing the person, because whatever that person said was true. I almost even brought an armchair because that's how the first day of school was like in my old high school. And that recitation part, I almost got it wrong, thankfully I survived. Culture shock indeed.
"You wait too! Let me blabber," they teasingly responded. I admit, I kind of got scared so I wasn't able to think of a response.
Honestly, that was rude of them.
"What about the time we were stomping in the middle of the hallway because we got lost trying to look for restrooms? We got mad because we thought each classroom had their own. Bruh, we're college! Why did we ever think like that? So funny! Haha!"
The person placed their hand under their chin and stared at me, and with a sly grin they continued, "Oh, and what about the first time we thought we're in love because we believed that college is too old for crushes?"
I'm starting to get comfortable with this person. I feel like I knew them just as much as they knew me. I smiled.
"Remember when we said we'll join college organizations because we wanted to come out of our comfort zone? And remember how excited we are to go live alone in a boarding house? Even taunting adulthood to welcome us with a bang?" was the only response I can formulate as of this moment. I can't help it, I also want to share.
"Yeah, we were so sure back then..." They said that while looking up at the sky, as if playing a flashback of memories from those times.
"And quite in a rush too," I agreed, mirroring just what they did.
The conversation seems to be going quite sentimental.
"Remember our highschool bestfriend who we promised to always be together with? And our thesis groupmates who we always bicker with?" They asked after a comfortable silence.
"Yeah. Surprisingly the latter are the ones we grew together with, but the former, we eventually grew apart." I remember so many people.
"That's adulthood friendship for you. What about all of our lost penny, our newly bought phone that broke and even our lost battles? They can't ever be forgotten, do they?" The person asked.
We've lost quite a lot huh?
"That's true, but if there's one thing I've learned is that, not everything we lost in this journey is a loss. Some of them are freedom, some are new chances and some are blessings in disguise. Some are even redirection for the path we thought are already certain for us." I didn't notice I was blabbering. The two of us are really alike.
โThank you.โ I was surprised by their reply. That wasn't what I was expecting.
โWhat are you thanking me for?โ I asked.
โFor being amazing. For being strong. For showing up despite the fears. For letting us experience this long-awaited day.โ They said softly with a bright and beautiful smile that I didn't know I miss.
That smileโฆ I remember now. I recognize them now. Oh, how I miss to smile like that.
โThank you too, for always making me remember who I am. For keeping me rooted.โ I sincerely replied.
โOf course, no one must ever abandon one's self. But you know we're not the only ones deserving of a little โthank youโ, right?โ They reminded.
Right. There are people around me who's deserving of gratitude too. And it's never too late to let them know.
The person remained silent. I closed my eyes and started to walk back, searching for the stories I buried and secrets I hid at the back of my mind. As I start to ponder, I realized that despite those that I've lost, I've gained a lot too.
I thought I'd only gain eyebags and muscles, if not fat, but I've gained newer insights, fresher perspectives and discovered better sides of who I am.
In the past, I remember blaming myself for choosing this course, especially those times when I thought I couldn't do it anymore. I remember the what ifs of the routes not taken. I remember hating right or left because they don't seem to give a direction but a confusion. I remember being left behind but also cutting ties with people who can't be around.
But at the same time, I remember feigning bravery until courage was found again. I remember comforting myself that nothing could stand on my way towards my dreams. I remember the people who lifted me up when I already started crawling, and the ones who never gave up on me even when I badly wanted to give up on myself. I remember accepting that flaws are to be recognized in order to be mended and that hearts are to be broken in order to be healed. And I remember that I don't need others to tell me they're proud of me. I just have to be that person who's always there to celebrate meโwin and lose.
"Congratulations dear self, you may have been lost along the way but you still found yourself. Bonus are the people who're not just there to hear your stories but to create one and live them with you. You may not be at the destination yet, but you've come so far! There might still be a long way to go, but remember, you got here, so you'll get there!"
I heard a soft-thin voice whispering in my ear. I smiled.
I feel comforted.
"Oh, and one last thing before you go up, please practice our proudest smile because from now on, we'll be wearing that a lot." The voice added, and I can't help but to laugh.
Yeah, I couldn't agree more. Starting today, we'll be smiling proudly more often.
I slowly opened my eyes and smiled. This time, a proud and fulfilled one.
My name was called and I held my mom's hand. I just love how my familyโs with me, always. As we walked up the stage, I knew that it was not just my name that I carry with me. I carry those sleepless nights, those buckets of tears shed, the nightly series of self-doubt and constant decision-blaming. I carry my own decisions and the consequences of it. I carry the promises I made to myself and my family that are just waiting to be fulfilled. I carry bruises, disappointments, fear, and uncertainty. But at the same time, I carry honour and pride. I carry a story of resilience and a testimony of growth. Finally, as I march forward, I know I carry bravery and optimism, so outside world, I challenge you once again.
I'm so ready for you, bring it on!
๐๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฃ๐บ ๐๐ข๐ช๐ฏ ๐๐ช๐ด๐ฉ๐ข ๐๐ข๐ณ๐จ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ ๐๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ญ๐ฐ, ๐๐ต๐ข๐ง๐ง ๐๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ
๐๐ณ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ช๐ค๐ด ๐ฃ๐บ ๐๐ข๐ฏ ๐๐ข๐ด๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐๐ข๐ข๐จ, ๐๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ณ๐บ ๐๐ณ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ช๐ค๐ด ๐๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ณ, ๐๐ถ๐ณ๐ข๐ธ: ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ข๐ช๐ด๐ฆ๐ณโ๐ด 10๐ต๐ฉ ๐๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ณ๐บ ๐๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ต๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ
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