The New Haven Comedy

05/04/2024

21/10/2019

Osibanjo: Sir, Nigerians are still complaining about lack of power, what should I tell them.

Buhari: Go and tell them all power belongs to Jesus, am just a man, I can't Kill myself!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

11/12/2018

From the look of things eh, old roger must be a very stingy man. How could he have given that poor innocent woman that kind knock! Eh? (chisos). Apple that is not even his own.

Wait wait wait...., no that man is stingy, walahi!

Make una check am na.

Madam abeg give me rice and plenty meat for just 10naira. . . I no stingy abeg, the economy no dey smile at all.

¥New haven¥

07/12/2018

(ML)

Do you know that there is a difference between complete and finish.
If you marry a bad woman, you are finished.
If you marry a good woman, you are complete but if the woman you married is the type that loves shopping, my dear brother you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!If you marry a good woman, you are complete but if the woman you married is th

07/12/2018

ML

me: Hi sweet
mary: Who is your swt, are you out of your mind?
me: Agh agh, baby why so harsh on me. I only wanted your account number so i can transfer some money to you.
mary: oooh my prince, do you mean account number?
me: Mumu, no i mean mtn serial number.
mary: Why nah, honey i didn't know it was you na.
me: may thunder from atlantic ocean strike u with epilepsy! Olosho, come and collect money let me see....

Lolzz

Thank God its FRIDAY

Keep on moving no matter what!
Merry Xmas in addy

Call me lyfe!
¥Mr Lyricles¥

27/09/2018

Empowerment Empowerment Empowerment!

Empowerment is here again. Are you an interprenuer, are you skillful in arts, printing etc. Are you gifted and talented in singing, composing, writing, dancing, broadcasting etc, are you are a primary secondary student, graduate, post graduate or even an undergraduate or an illiterate, then this opportunity is for you. Remember opportunity comes only but once, so make hades while sun shines and don't miss it.
You are to register with just the huge sum of N300 (three hundred naira) only. Very cheap, right?

Please note that registrations starts on monday 32nd October 1968 till close date.....

THANK YOU!

Hmmm....
The Problem with me is that i don't even know my PROBLEM!

SIGNED:
Etom Lyricle
(chief registra)

21/09/2018

My mum caught me stealing one lap of chicken & kanda meat from the newly made stew. When I turned, i looked at her hand and i realised she was having one kind big cane like that with her. Brethren, if such a cane is used on someone eh.., the person will just turn around 20 good times and will start seeing small small demons around.

Now, knowing fully well that if i eventually put the meat in my mouth my mum will use that cane on me and if i should drop the meat back in the pot she will still use the cane on me, mehnn i just threw the meat inside my mouth and started eating it like i don't care and i was shouting; "mama kill me! just kill me abeg!! I must chop this meat!!Hmmm,
Brethren.., if i survive the condition i'm in right now, i will invite all of you for thanksgiving.

See you NEXT TIME!
Thank God its FRIDAY!

17/09/2018

(ML)
THE GENESIS OF MADNESS!....the Genesis of madness is when you begin to hear a voice from behind saying;
..comot your shirt, comot your shirt!
..Comot trouser comot trouser!

Oyaaaa remove the boxerssss!!!!!
.....Next you will find yourself dancing shaku shaku on the street and before you know it you will open a new ministry at the nearest waste bin, months later you open another branch in the next street. As you progress you begin to embark on Evangelism, whereby you see yourself trecking from umuahia to enugu evangelizing by picking waste on the streets along with You.
You see yourself talking within you without anyone around, you are vision at that particular time.
Sometimes you begin to laugh all alone. You are happy your ministry is progressing and moving to the permanent site.
Congratulatioooons!
Now your madness is at its MAXIMUM....

LOL!

05/09/2018

(ML)
¥STOLE AND STOLEN¥

Uncle : etom.., come here please.
Etom: Yes uncle, am here...
Uncle: see.., I managed to steal this goat from one of our village people, it wasn't so easy and i want you to please hurry down to the market right now and sell it. I need the money as soon as possible.
Etom: Ok uncle,

(LATER THAT DAY....)

Uncle : ah! Etom you are back from the market, so quick?
Etom: Yes uncle
Uncle: Where is the money??
Etom: Uncle i didn't come back with any money.
Uncle: (angry...) why!!!!
Etom: Uncle the goat was sold the same way you bought it. Someone else stole it in the market....

Up till now am still running while my uncle is chasing me around. Mehnn this TEMPLE RUN is not easy at all.....! I swear!

Lol.com
¥Mr Lyricles.com¥

15/08/2018

I will be so rich to the extent that even when i come 3hrs late to my wedding, my inlaws will begin to apologise to me, and my wife's father will be like....;

Ah! Our able inlaw, you are welcome sir. Pls we are so sorry that you came late and we sincerely apologise for coming so early, please forgive us.....,forgive us.

Inlaw! Inlaw!!!!!

(haha...)

Happy New Week!

05/08/2018

Stop taking pictures in front of people's cars and houses but you will not listen!!!! Now that your village people have bend one of your leg thinking that those cars are yours, WHAT WILL YOU DO?? Eh?

Just kneel down and let me pray for you sha.

LOL
Happy Sunday

30/07/2018

Here are SOME USEFUL tips on how to ESCAPE KNIFE ATTACK:
My dear, Just run for your life! I repeat, just ruuuuunnn.., run as fast as you can.

That is one of the TIPS to escaping a knife attack!

Don't thank me, afterall what are friends for?

New haven

26/07/2018

Hmm,
Ever since corn (maize) came out this year, i have not eaten a complete full corn.., not even a single one, can you IMAGINE!!
Why is it that anytime i buy one, somebody will just come out from nowhere and be shouting; "Etom cut for me!, etom cut for me! And before i know it, my corn will just finish! (kaii).

It Okay..,
There is no problem..,
I have now decided to be putting Rat Poison in any corn i buy so that nobody will come and beg me again and i will now be the only one that will eat it (agh agh...!).

But Will i die if i eat it??
(In emmanuella's voice)

(Haha!)

New Haven Comedy

21/07/2018

Insult upon insolence is when you are celebrating your birthday and the first 5 persons that presented their birthday gift bought shaving stick and the the rest bought tooth paste and tooth brush, perfume etc., my dear just take heart Ok? It is well with your soul.... Just accept my sympathy pleasInsult upon insolence is when you are celeb

12/07/2018

ML Tv.com

Etom and Ade at the airport...;
(Village Boy Episode)

ADE: Etom na fish be that?
ETOM: NO! Na aeroplane!
ADE: OK! Aeroplane.
ETOM: Hmm! Yess..!
ADE: What of the other one? Na butter fly be that??
ETOM: NO! Na helicopter!
ADE: OK! Hell....helicopter.
ETOM: Hmm... Yes..!
ADE: Na USA be this place?
ETOM: MUMU!! No! Na airport we dey!
ADE: OK! air pot....(wondering). You mean say dem dey pump air inside pot for here?
ETOM: Ade! Ade!! Ade!!!
ADE: YES?
ETOM: How many times did i call you!
ADE: I no count am, no vex....
ETOM: Hmmmmm!
ADE: Etom, Etom see see see. Na who be that man wey dey wave up and down? Na GATE man?
ETOM: NO! Na the person wey dey control aeroplane for here.
ADE: Okeeeey, that means he study aeroplanology for school, ADE: Okeeeey, that means he study aeroplanology for school, bah?
ETOM: NA U SABI wetin you dey talk! I don dey go house...

**THE END!

Watch out for next EPISODE....
Written & Directed by:
Mr lyricles Onen

TV.com is your reference guide to episodes, photos, videos, cast and crew information, reviews and more.

12/07/2018

ML Tv.com

Etom and Ade at the airport...;
(Village Boy Episode)

ADE: Etom na fish be that?
ETOM: NO! Na aeroplane!
ADE: OK! Aeroplane.
ETOM: Hmm! Yess..!
ADE: What of the other one? Na butter fly be that??
ETOM: NO! Na helicopter!
ADE: OK! Hell....helicopter.
ETOM: Hmm... Yes..!
ADE: Na USA be this place?
ETOM: MUMU!! No! Na airport we dey!
ADE: OK! air pot....(wondering). You mean say dem dey pump air inside pot for here?
ETOM: Ade! Ade!! Ade!!!
ADE: YES?
ETOM: How many times did i call you!
ADE: I no count am, no vex....
ETOM: Hmmmmm!
ADE: Etom, Etom see see see. Na who be that man wey dey wave up and down? Na GATE man?
ETOM: NO! Na the person wey dey control aeroplane for here.
ADE: Okeeeey, that means he study aeroplanology for school, ADE: Okeeeey, that means he study aeroplanology for school, bah?
ETOM: NA U SABI wetin you dey talk! I don dey go house...

**THE END!

Watch out fo

TV.com is your reference guide to episodes, photos, videos, cast and crew information, reviews and more.

02/07/2018

The simplest definition of frustration (government approved) is when you want to eat and you end up washing your hand in the soup and finally deep your garri ball inside water and straight into your mouth.

Haha.com