21/12/2023
How do YOU deal with your feelings of being behind in life?
I just recently read a very deap message by my principal, Dr. Tobi Oluwatola on his instagram page. He was talking about “Meritocracy”. According to him ; “the idea that the most deserving get to the top, is a noble idea. It is also a troubling idea because it means those who get to the bottom also deserve to be there.”
He made very strong points on how we individually try to navigate the tensions of being behind in life sometimes; whether it's in our careers, love life or golf handicap (lol, Tobi is a golfer).
That made me remember an experience that changed my life a few years ago; I was sitting with a group of friends and we started talking about our lives and career.
It got to a point where we sort of mentioned our earnings too. At that time, I was perhaps the one earning the lowest. Infact what I was earning in a month at the time was not up to the tax one of my friends was paying every month. One of them was earning what I was earning monthly in a week.
That meeting was was triggering and an eye opener. I got back home to think about what I was going to do with my life. It got so bad as I would later apply for more than 150 opportunities in the 4 months that followed that encounter. Did it change my story? Not exactly as over 148 of those returned negative. Two came later but something strange happened. It did not change the feeling of being behind. It got worse as I continued to needlessly compare my life with others, forgetting that we may be friends and even from the same place, we have different destiny and our time in this life is not the same.
What changed my thinking about that sense of feeling behind was an article I read at that time. In that article, I came to the realization that the feeling of being behind in life stems more from a lens of comparison. Sometimes we compare where we are with someone else's. Another time, we have some idea in our head on some things to achieve at a particular time, when we don't get those sorted, that feeling sets in. And just as Tobi mentioned in his note, “Social media exacerbates these tensions; especially when we see someone’s picture and we start feeling down all over again.
In any case, I dealt with that sense of being behind by trying to first acknowledge the good in my current state as something to be grateful for. That brought some sense of peace and quiet. I think it was Eckhart Tolle that said:"Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance." This brings so much joy.
As Tobi puts it, your mum (or family) may think the world of you, “knowing that in reality, you are an insignificant being, on an insignificant planet, at an insignificant time in history that will not be remembered in a million years-so is everybody else is at once a depressing and comforting idea.
Once I acknowledge that, I then remind myself that everything is temporary. Happiness. Pain. Failure. Success. Relationships. Our entire existence is temporary and the fact that I can't be sure whether I will live another day is enough to show me that that feeling being behind in life-it will pass. That has being peaceful and reassuring as there won’t ever be a time that there will be nothing to pursue because as humans, we are insatiable. But practicing mindfulness, setting realistic goals, and being grateful in various aspects of life can help manage insatiable feelings.
So, does this speak to you in anyway? How do YOU deal with this feeling of being behind in life?
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