25/09/2024
Why I Called Off My Wedding
My name is Emeka, and this is the story of why I called off my wedding—a decision that shocked my friends and family, but one I knew deep down was the right thing to do.
I grew up in a typical Nigerian home, the kind where family and tradition meant everything. My parents, especially my mother, always emphasized the importance of marriage. "Emeka, you must find a good wife," she would say. "A woman that will take care of you, give you children, and honor the family."
As I approached my late twenties, the pressure to settle down intensified. Everyone around me was getting married. My mother, bless her heart, would constantly remind me that I wasn’t getting any younger. "Emeka, when will I carry my grandchildren?" she asked almost every time we talked.
That's when I met my girlfriend, through a mutual friend. She was beautiful, smart, and had a calm demeanor. She had everything my family would approve of: a good job, from a respectable family, and well-spoken. At first, it seemed like a match made in heaven. We quickly became inseparable, and before long, I proposed.
I didn’t take that decision lightly. In fact, it was one of the biggest moments of my life. The engagement was the talk of the town, and my parents couldn’t stop beaming with pride. My friends congratulated me, saying how lucky I was to have found someone like my girlfriend. The wedding planning began almost immediately, and that’s when things started to change.
It wasn’t the big disagreements that made me question our relationship—it was the little things that slowly chipped away at my peace of mind. At first, my girlfriend seemed like the perfect partner, but as the wedding preparations progressed, I noticed subtle changes. We started having arguments over the smallest things: the color of the bridesmaids' dresses, the guest list, and even the location of the wedding. While these seemed like normal disagreements at first, it became apparent that our values and priorities were different.
I remember one evening, we were sitting together planning the budget for the wedding. My friend had warned me that weddings in Lagos can be expensive, so I was mindful of the costs.my girlfriend, on the other hand, wanted a grand celebration, and that’s when the first real argument happened.
"Emeka, you’re being too stingy. It’s our wedding day! We have to show people that we’ve made it," she said, her voice raised.
I tried to explain that we should be reasonable with our spending, that the marriage was more important than the wedding day itself, it’s not about how much we spend. What matters is the life we’ll build together after that day," I said, trying to remain calm.
She didn’t see it that way. "No, Emeka, you don’t understand. People will talk if the wedding is too small. I don’t want anyone thinking we can’t afford it."
I started to feel uneasy. Was this about us, or about impressing people? I brushed it aside, thinking it was just stress from planning such a big event. But that was just the beginning.
As the months went by, I noticed other things. My girl became more controlling. She wanted to make all the decisions without my input, from where we would live to how many children we would have. She even had opinions on which of my friends I should invite to the wedding. "Emeka, your friend Tunde, he’s not coming. He’s too irresponsible," she told me one day. I was shocked. Tunde had been my best friend for years, and while he wasn’t perfect, he was like a brother to me.
At this point, I started having doubts. I found myself constantly questioning whether I was ready for this, whether my girl was the right person for me. I didn’t want to disappoint my family, especially my mother, who was already counting down the days to the wedding.
I sought advice from my father. He had been married to my mother for over thirty years, and I respected his wisdom. When I told him about my concerns, he looked at me thoughtfully before saying, "Emeka, marriage is not a joke. It’s not something you do just to please others. You have to live with this person for the rest of your life. If you’re already having doubts, you need to listen to that voice."
My father’s words stuck with me, but I wasn’t sure how to act on them. I was afraid of what people would say, afraid of disappointing my girlfriend and her family, afraid of the shame that would follow if I called off the wedding so close to the date.
The final straw came during a meeting with my girlfriend's family. We were discussing how the bride price would be handled, a key part of the traditional Nigerian wedding. My girl mother, who had always been pleasant, suddenly became very demanding. She listed out the things my family had to provide—expensive items that far exceeded what was reasonable. I remember sitting there, listening, feeling like I was being cornered.
After that meeting, I went home and sat in silence for hours. I thought about everything: the arguments, the pressure, the feeling of being pushed into something I wasn’t sure I wanted anymore.
That night, I called my girlfriend .I told her I needed to talk. When I met her the next day, I looked into her eyes and saw someone I didn’t fully recognize anymore. "Babe," I started, my voice trembling slightly, "I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I don’t think we’re ready for marriage."
She was stunned. "What do you mean? We’ve planned everything already!"
"I know," I replied, "but this doesn’t feel right. We’re not on the same page. I don’t want to start a marriage with doubts in my heart."
She was furious, hurt, and confused. She accused me of leading her on, of wasting her time, but I stood firm. I knew that this wasn’t the life I wanted, that we weren’t meant to be together in the way I had once believed.
Calling off the wedding was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. My mother was devastated. "Emeka, what will people say?" she asked, clearly disappointed. But I explained to her that it was better to deal with the embarrassment now than to live a lifetime of regret.
In the months that followed, I had to rebuild myself. Friends offered their support, some quietly judged me, and my family eventually came to understand my decision. It wasn’t easy, but I learned one important lesson: marriage is not about pleasing others or fulfilling societal expectations. It’s about two people who genuinely understand, respect, and love each other. If that foundation isn’t there, no amount of wedding celebration will fix it.
Looking back, I know I made the right choice. Sometimes, love isn’t enough when values don’t align. Today, I’m a better person for it, and I’ve learned to trust my instincts, even when it’s hard.
That’s why I called off my wedding.
