18/10/2024
EXCERPTS FROM WEEKLY QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSION WITH DR. FAADHIL BN NURUDEEN AL-IMAM (حفظه الله ورعاه ) ON THURSDAY, OCT. 17, 2024.
Shaykh was asked: Divorce is rampant in our society, What are the causes and it solutions ?
Shaykh started by praising the Almighty Allah and sending blessings to the prophet (saw), then adviced youths not to rush into marriage.
Shaykh emphasized on how Islam doesn't encourage divorce by having iddah(a 3 month waiting period for a woman in divorce) the man must be feeding the woman in this period, it's possible they return together and reunion during this time.
Shaykh mentioned that, divorce has five rulings in Islam, it can be Harom for a man to do, when a man started divorcing his wives unjustly or he wanted to be having taste of different women. It can be compulsory, in the case of a woman that doesn't worship Allah and neglect all essentials of Deen. And the source ruling of divorce is to avoid it. The Shari'a doesn't encourage it, although it's halal.
Shaykh mentioned that there are reasons for divorce before nikaah and after nikaah, he started with reasons before Nikkah.
REASONS FOR DIVORCE BEFORE NIKAAH.
1. Haste in seeking for marriage: It's not good to rush into marriage. People must remember marriage is a lifetime journey that doesn't require being in haste. Be careful and calm in your search, shaik mentioned the Hadith about 4 factors to be considered before marrying a woman (Wealth, lineage, beauty and Deen) and advice men to look well the women they want to marry. He mentioned a sohabah (Jaabir bn Abdullah r.a) who used to hide in a corner to look carefully, the woman he wanted to marry before proposing to her. He mentioned, brothers can see her leg, face, hair, hand and make sure she's the woman they like. It's essential men look the women they want to marry base on shari'a.
He also dropped a tip: If you're such that like women with light skin, don't judge her by her face color, look at her leg, she might fake it.
2. Women marrying a woman to a man: A woman can't be waliy of another woman in islam. They are so in love with money, the man can be deluding them by enticing them with money. If a women see a man she love, she should inform her waliy (father, uncle or brother). The waliy will do a proper findings, if the man is truly perfect for her.
3. Level/Compatibility: Shaikh mentioned a story of his friend who divorced and quickly marry another woman from a village. This man is an engineer and the woman is a total illiterate who can't write Zero with bottom of a bottle, he said he understand the nikaah won't last, he married her because he was in hurry. Compatibility must be considered before marriage and age doesn't matter. If you're educated, marry someone educated. Don't marry out of your level.
4. Lack of piety: Absence of piety in Allah can make spouses behave unjustly to each other, which can later lead to divorce.
5. No one is perfect: Don't think you're perfect, everyone should just make adjustments when needed. You can make mistakes, try to reconcile.
6. Barrenness: Shaykh mentioned a story about a man whose wife was barren, her family packed her loads and the man divorced her. The man now marry another wife with about 3 kids, the woman is still barren now. The way is not to divorce a barren woman, It's only Allah that can bless her with kids, you can marry more wives and keep her, you don't know if Allah is blessing you through her. Shaykh then mentioned the Hadith:
(إنما تنصرون وترزقون بضعفاءكم).
(You're only victorious and provided for, through the weak among you).
7. Giving birth to females only: Shaykh mentioned a lot of men divorced their wives because of this, and it's unfair. Female children are also children.
8. Lack of contentment
9. Bad thoughts: Lack of trust is dangerous and can lead to bad thoughts against each other, which may cause divorce. He gave example of a man that saw a message with "live" on his wife's phone, he may hastily interpret it to "love" because of his bad thoughts (the audience bursted into laughter😀), and this can gradually lead to divorce.
SOLUTIONS TO DIVORCE.
Shaykh said, before you marry, take note of those things I have mentioned that causes divorce. Everyone should be aware that divorce will affect the children greatly. If you see the children of a divorce family thriving, they'll thrive more if their parents are not divorced.
Husband and wife should seek for reconciliation whenever there's any disagreement, so as to avoid divorce. Then Shaykh mentioned the verse:
An-Nisa' 4:35
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَٱبْعَثُوا۟ حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِۦ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَآ إِن يُرِيدَآ إِصْلَٰحًا يُوَفِّقِ ٱللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَآۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا
(And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allāh will cause it between them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Knowing and Aware).
Shaykh also mentioned a story of man who seek for divorce because his wife doesn't put water in the bathroom for him, that's not enough to seek for divorce. Women feel lazy sometimes, you may order her to do something and she refuse, remember she has been doing that thing for years in your marriage, that's not enough to call for divorce. You have to be patient with her whenever things like that happen.
Another point is for women to be submissive to their husband as the prophet (saw) mentioned in an Hadith.
Shaykh recited the Hadith:
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes.”
Shaykh said, you may not be determined about it, but the result of your divorce is to destroy your children's life. People divorcing are causing problems to the society, to the Imams and even to the government.
Shaykh mentioned a story, how he saw two laborer pregnant women, while constructing his modrosah. There pregnancy was between 6-8 months, he called them, asked the man who brought them to the site about their labor fee ( #2,000), he gave it to them and ask them to go home, so they won't collapse on the site. This is one of the consequences of divorce.
Some other women on the site started wishing they are also pregnant on that day (everyone bursted into laughter 😀)
Shaykh ended by advising people to
hold tight to their spouses and avoid divorce by all means, it's good but not encouraged in Islam, then he made Dua that Allah ease all our affairs and ended the program.
MAY ALLAH PRESERVE DR FAADHIL BN NURUDEEN ABIOLA AL IMAAM UPON EXCELLENCE AND STEADFASTNESS!
IBN LUQMAN MEDIA
