07/01/2024
As much as we might want to contend it, the society today is largely ruled by men. They are the most visible in the public spaces of politics, economy, religion, even family. However, many of the world's ills are also championeered by men: Theft, criminality, violence, armed robbery, r**e, abuse, etc.
This means that the society has failed to take cognizance of the need for the right upbringing of the male gender. The question “Tough or Tortured?” posits a scale to measure whether the treatment of the male gender by the society, in light of the expectations held before him and the responsibilities placed upon him, make him tough or put him through torture.
Nobody really cares for the male child. Yes, he might be showered with gifts or praised from sunrise to sunset, but the real care which comes from a proper upbringing of teachings, and trainings, are not made available to him.
He is abandoned and left to himself, told to be manly and daring. In simple words, he is taught to be rash, domineering and to hide his emotions, except if the emotion is anger. All of these work together to grow a man that is angry, mean and entitled.
This is why the poem by Havfy questions the practice of society in not paying more attention to the male gender. To better understand this poem in the light of contemporary society, the masculinity theory, psychoanalysis theory and cultural theory would be applied to the poem.
The masculinity theory is a theory that analyses the expectations and responsibilities of the male gender in the society. This looks at the aspects of his physical attributes, function in the home and society and general carriage. Leech pointed out that unlike the biological state of maleness, masculinity is a gender identity constructed socially, historically, and politically. Janet Saltzman Chafez propose characteristics to define masculinity and they have been divided into seven areas.
The first is Physical. This includes an attractive physical appearance, a toned body, and athletic abilities. A strong-built body is also favoured. The characteristics here are fertile, athletic, strong, brave, worriless about aging and appearance and casually dressed.
The second is the function of the man. This refers to his ability to be a backbone, breadwinner and provider.
The third is sexual aggressiveness. Masculinity is defined by making the first move in a relationship and independence in choosing a partner.
The fourth is emotion. Masculinity proposes holding back emotions from the public, being less affected by feelings and being more capable of making logical and rational decisions.
The fifth is intellectual. Masculinity suggests the ability to find solutions with reason and logic, not emotion. It also includes intelligence, practicality, objectivity and rationality.
Sixth is interpersonal. Masculinity proposes leadership qualities, being more dominant than the woman, discipline, independence and responsibility.
Seventh is other personal characteristics such as aggression, ambition, pride, ego, confidence, trustworthiness, competitiveness, adventurousness etc.
These seven areas of characteristics present different sides to the concept of masculinity. While some are advisable, others present an ideology that could be detrimental to the wellness of the male human. Therefore, this theory, in line with Carl Jung's concepts of Ego and Unconscious and the Cultural Theory, would be used to present a contemporary analysis of the poem.
The poem posits that narcissists, abusers and rapists, typically of the male gender, were not born that way. Instead, they grew up to have mindsets that were shaped by society's negligence and unbalanced expectations.
The cultural expectations of the male gender are in line with the characteristics proposed by the Masculinity theory as indicated by Chafez. He is expected to focus on being a provider, being strong and aggressive. He is expected to be courageous enough to demand his rights and take them forcefully. However, the poem says that “how comes we forgot to teach our sons to be protectors and not perpetrators of injustice … we forgot to tell him that his privileges exist at the expense of others, that his right seats on the rights of others.”
This points to the Society's role in shaping the male gender. The Ego of the male gender demands him to be more self-aware, brave, dominating and demanding. The society encourages him to see himself as superior to the female. He is taught to suppress his thoughts, his unconscious, and in the state of fight or flight, he is encouraged to suppress fear and become aggressive. This shows that the cultural and societal programming he experiences make him more susceptible to being irrational and overbearing. This is because he is not encouraged to take the healthy approach to managing his emotions and facing challenges.
The poem says that the society “... Forgot to remind [the male child] that he had jail time for jail-worthy crimes … betrayed his childhood … stuck to the victim blaming and body shaming.” This shows that the concepts of masculinity have made the cultural practice to involve failing to teach boys the basic lessons and morals, and encouraging them to act irrationally while putting them at the risk of getting in trouble for their mistakes.”
The poem says that the society should not encourage boys to suppress their emotions or act out of place with “boys will be boys” but that “boys should be human”. They “should not shut up and man up” but should “speak up” for the right.
All of this shows that the society has a strong role to play in shaping the ego and the personal unconscious of the male child, therefore, affecting his attitude and personality which would work towards making the society better and wiser.
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Have you ever felt disadvantaged as a guy?
Do you feel the male/female is more privileged?
Share your experiences.
If you have opposing views or an additional perspective, let me know in the comments.
Share this with someone today to build a better society.
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