22/03/2024
THERE'S NO COMPETITION IN MARRIAGE.
When we first got married and I relocated my wife from Lagos to join me here in Kaduna State, I tried finding her a job, but we couldn't get any decent job. The job that would have come in handy was teaching, and I had made up my mind that she would not be a private school teacher. That work is so draining and the pay is not equal to the stress. I'm speaking from experience.
For the first two years of our marriage, I was the only one working. I had to double my hustle, knowing that I had a wife to feed. I was teaching, plus other side jobs. By the time I put all my earnings together at the end of the month, I was making roughly 100k. That was 2018/2019. That amount should be like 400k equivalent right now.
And by the grace of God, I was totally transparent in terms of finance. As a matter of fact, I was submitting all my income to my wife, I mean EVERYTHING! Part of the reasons was that I didn't want a situation where she would be pressured to take just any work and I didn't want her to lack anything.
As God would have it, she got a decent job after staying at home for 2 years. A job better than all my little hustles put together. I had left teaching then and was working with an NGO.
Unfortunately at my end, my boss didn't get a contract around that time, so money was not coming in from me. People who have worked with NGOs would understand; sometimes, there'll be money (when there's contract), and sometimes everywhere will be dry (no contract).
It got to a point that, for more than 6 months, I didn't get paid. My wife was the only one earning and shouldering all financial responsibilities.
Lest I forget, my wife reciprocated the kindness. Once her salary dropped, she would forward EVERYTHING into my account. We would then plan the things we would do with the money together.
When the instincts of the African man in me kicked in, I began to feel unfulfilled. I was not comfortable with the fact that my wife was the one paying the bills. I started transferring the aggression of my joblessness to her. Once we had any conflicting interest on money, I was always quick to say "It's because you're the owner of the money now". Thank God for the kind of woman she is. She followed me patiently and always let me have things my way.
As of then, my wife was still struggling with driving. I got her a driver who would come only twice in a week and would cook up excuses for the remaining days. The few days the man was around, he would first drop me in my office and then take my wife to her place of work and to see her customers.
I was supposed to have stopped going to the office because I was not getting paid, but my ego didn't let me.
Things got worse when my boss declared that he would close down the Kaduna office and relocate to Abuja, where it would be easier for him to secure contracts for the organization. Oh, I was heartbroken.
For about a month, I was at home, doing nothing. I used to help my wife with chores, but the bitterness of being unemployed made me stop. And she dares not ask me to help. I would say she wants to turn me into her house boy because I didn't have a job...very petty talk!
My wife's driver still continued in his attitude of disappointing her, but I didn't care. My headache was how to get another job and start earning more than my wife...Some sort of unhealthy competition.
I was lost in thought one night, and I realized that I had been so unfair to myself and my wife; it wasn't my fault that my company folded up and my wife never made me feel less of a man. She had been giving me all the money she was making in her job. So, what exactly is my problem? Pride of a man.
I thought deeply; who made the rule that the money used in running the house MUST come from the man? Who made the rule that it is the man that MUST pay children's school fees? Who made the rule that the man MUST earn more than his wife? I realized all those things were man-made concepts. From that moment, I had a mind shift!
The following morning, I was up before my wife, ready to assist her in any way I could. When the driver came, I fired him immediately and paid him off. I took the car keys and drove my wife to work by myself. I drove her to see all her clients and customers. I drove her to Kano, to Abuja and everywhere she wanted to go.
Her clients would have concluded that I was her new driver but she was always quick to tell people "This is my husband" 😀😀🤣
I joined forces with her and the job got a lot easier and better. I was handling all the aspects of the job that required physical efforts and she was doing the paperwork. Around that time, she was hitting target back-to-back and they paid her all the other bonuses that employees who hit target usually get. The allowance was more than my salary at my NGO job.
That decision brought sweetness back to our home. It created an opportunity for us to spend more time together and bond. As we teamed up, the job got a lot easier for her and we made more money.
Then I realized I had only been cheating myself all the time I was brooding over nothing.
People of God, I was eating my wife's money with peace of mind, long life, and prosperity and we were both genuinely happy. 😂😂😁
I got so used to being around her that I didn't even want a job that would separate us again. When I got another job, it was really difficult for both of us to adapt to the new routine.
Till today, there's no such thing as my money or my wife's money around here. Once one of us has money, anyone can spend the money without restrictions, and God has been helping us.
Dear couples, be united in all spheres and things will progress faster in your home.
Thanks for following.
© John Adesogano
