23/10/2024
I used to love the series of recordings by Charlie Haden's Quartet West, started from the album "Now is the Hour" with the iconic photo from the end of the WWII at NYC Time Square. When I was a teenager, I was particularly attracted to the Film Noir sensibilities, the B&W photography of the 1940s, the fashion of the time. Of course, the music and literature of that time very much seeped into my taste in things.
The liner note to the group's album "Always Say Goodbye" especially left a mark in my heart: Charlie Haden wrote: it is important to always say goodbye, after meeting with friends and family, because you wouldn't know if will see them again the next time. For the 16 years old me, the writing sounded morbid and heavy, but still I remembered it.
In Love by Amy Bloom and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion were the two books I finished recently that dealt with old age, sickness and death. Not that I am reading to prepare for deaths, I don't read trying to gain anything. Reading is as natural as breathing for me; but over the years, I do hope that I accumulated some sort of wisdom for me to face life wisely.
Over the years, I have had experience my fair share of deaths and griefs. One learned how to face it, but when some one left is your closest, such as my dad's departure, I found myself went through the motion: in hind sight I am grateful to the professionals, family and friends for carrying us forward. Grief came only when things calmed down.
"Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death. We misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks. We might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect this shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind." (Didion)
“we are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. as we were. as we are no longer. as we will one day not be at all.” (Didion)
"What is the body? Endurance. What is love? Gratitude. What is hidden in our chests? Laughter. What else? Compassion" (Amy Bloom)
"We’re not here for a long time, we’re here for a good time." (Amy Bloom)
To live a life with less regret (as much as possible), every day should be lived to the fullest.
Always say goodbye.