17/01/2026
LISA HAS SUFFERED 😭😭
In the year 2017, I was a vibrant young woman who had some political influence or I thought so. I had a good mastery of words that would move crowds wearing the courage of Bobi Wine and Babu Owino combined while fitting in the Charisma of my governor Mutula Kilonzo Jnr.
Locals even encouraged me to vie for the seat of the women rep lying to me that I could out do Mama Rose Museo. I didn't even have enough thousands to print campaign materials.
One aspiring mheshimiwa approached me. Not with a promise of an appointment as his PA or several tenders... He promised me the position of Mrs Mheshimiwa after "we" won the elections.
He wanted me to join his team as the chief campaigner. I thought this was a bigger position than any other PSC job. I would be having a say in who gets hired and fired in that office. I would be their overall boss. And again I would not be spending another year in my father's compound. Would I deny such an offer? Hapanaa.
He said he wasn't married, and that we would celebrate our wedding the first weekend after he was sworn on. The seriousness in his eyes made me believe everything like how I believed the story of the Israelites taking 40 years from Egypt to Canaan.
You would see me shaking my little ass on the campaign trucks singing proudly mheshimiwa's name "wamama oyieeeeeee". I changed my wardrobe from my formal clothes to his printed campaign T Shirts. As Mheshimiwa's prospective wife, when the rest asked for facilitation money, I spent my own even to fuel some of the campaign cars.
I would sleep as late as saa nane usiku helping with strategies on how to beat our opponent with a shameful margin. We had planned to teach the opponent a losing lesson that he will never ever join politics again. I would be out of the house as early as six in the morning to make sure posters zimefikia all the corners of our jurisdiction.
Our efforts were rewarded, number two could only read us seventy corners ahead of him. The team was happy but I was the happiest. I didn't even get enough time to put on something nice to go and collect the winning certificate. I just called mheshimiwa "tukutane huko" soonest possible. I passed by a hotel and change into a comfortable wear for dancing the whole night celebrating the big win.
My dear readers, when I arrived at the hall, on his left hand, mheshimiwa was holding a lady who looked on the good side of her forties. Unlike Lisa Wa Wambua who looked tired with all the campaign madness, she had a flawless complexion, shiny fresh eyes and wore a arousing smile that would have dimmed the whole hall.
I didn't wait to confirm from anyone that my position of Mrs Mheshimiwa was only hot air, because before my eyes, they matched in all ways like Jesus had appeared in person to bless their wedding. It was a Prince Harry and Meghan Markle resemblance.
For a moment, I feared I had stopped breathing, I hoped for someone to slap me on the face as they do in the movies to bring me back to the land of living. The biggest shame was that I had conducted myself as Mrs Mheshimiwa before my fellow campaign fellows throughout the campaign. Kumbe I was only a kathesi😂.
Even after receiving the certificate, I approached him to know where the team would be spending the evening for celebration as had been earlier discussed. "Kesho Lisa" He answered briefly that I wondered if he had spoken his allocated words for the day and had to wait till the following day for more words.
I walked quietly in the dark back to my hotel, full of shame afraid that the following day I will be the first story on Ngoso News page or even be featured on Iloli ya Umbea. As I soaked the pillows with tears, I regretted that I had not even tasted the horizontal engineering capabilities of mheshimiwa as it was considered as "kuvukya campaign". 😭😭😭
Munene wambiie tu-campaigniiii, Ni k**a kivila kyuke kwitu 🎤🎤 😭😭😭😭
Ngojeni nikunywe maji bwana... Inaumaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
