25/03/2024
WETA: I have been in government for over 30 years, and the 3rd in Command in the current government. I deserve to be the Kingpin.
VOTER: Mmmh... Impressive! What are some of your contributions?
WETA: I helped Moi to remain in power for a few more years even with the growing discord. I was his advisor for 10 years. Together with my sister Martha Karua, we helped Kibaki to rig 2007 elections causing post-election violence.
VOTER: And...?
WETA: PanPaper failed when I was the Minister for Trade, but later sold when I was the Senator of Bungoma. Since I am the Speaker of National Assembly, the plans to sell Nzoia Sugar are in top gear.
VOTER: Anything else?
WETA: Do you remember the Tokyo Embassy scandal? It was sold when I was the Minister for Foreign Affairs. Selling fake gold is just my side Hussle. I became the party leader of Ford Kenya without delegate's endorsement, and the party is now my private property.
VOTER: What do you want from me??
WETA: I am the 3rd in the Command. I may not be best, but I am the only one available. Although I don't want to become the President, Ruto knows me, and I am comfortable being in government. You either support me, or walk butima.
VOTER: WETA TAWE... LIKUBHILI TAWE... FORD KENYA TAWE...KUMUTAMBO TAWE.
