23/09/2020
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Dougâs Top 10 Youth Ministry Commitments
1. I will move slowly.
Speed often leads to pain. When we first moved into our home, I teased my wife about her cautious parking habit. While it was a tight fit in our garage, it seemed to take her an absurd amount of time to pull into her space. One day when I was parking her car, I confidently and arrogantly zipped into the garage much faster than she did (Iâm sure I shaved 10-15 seconds off of her time), but I also caused over $250 in damage as I broke off the side mirror. My teasing halted immediately, and this experience led to a teaching principleâŚfor my children, of course: what looks to be quick and easy may need to be approached slowly and carefully. The principle applies to youth ministry. Itâs safe to assume you want to make some changes at your church during your first two years. Great! But these changes probably donât need to be implemented right away. With confidence, I can guarantee that even the changes that appear to be no-brainers cause pain for someone. If youâre a volunteer, immediately suggesting changes may communicate a divisive or critical attitude to the lead youth worker. If you're the lead youth worker, fast changes can appear arrogant or reveal a maverickâs personality to your church. Instead of making immediate changes, keep a record of all potential changes as soon as you think of them. This allows you to give them prayerful consideration. Hang on to your list. Continue to be a critical thinker in the arena to which God has called you, but realize you donât have to apply all (or any) of the ideas that come to you. Slow down. If youâre in this for the long haul, whatâs the rush? Hurried changes are often perceived as lacking thought. (Iâve committed an entire chapter to making the change process successful. See Chapter 11.) When I arrived at Saddleback Church in 1992, I told my pastor that it would take at least five years for us to begin to see a healthy, balanced, volunteer-laden, vibrant ministry. This wasnât an arbitrary figure. I had come to Saddleback Church after spending 11 years in youth ministry at another church. I knew thereâs no such thing as a just add-water approach. Remember, God didnât move the Israelites into the Promised Land overnight, and heâs not expecting you to change your church within your first two years. Relax. Prepare your own heart before you change your church. Remember, Jesus took 30 years to prepare for three years of ministry (and he had that God-thing going for him).
2. I will regularly check my motives and evaluate my heart.
God honors pure motives, and the more you check yours, the stronger your leadership and decision-making will be. If your motives are pure, youâll persevere, reproduce student ministers, be productive, and contribute effectively, all while having fun. Most conflicts arise from unclear, mixed, or impure motives. If you donât personally evaluate your motives, others willâand if theyâre not pure, the impurity will be exposed.
Iâve learned that to check my motives, I must continually ask questions about myself:
âWhy do I want to lead this ministry?
â Why do I want to teach this material?
âWhat's my motive for saying yes to that request?
âWhy do I really want to change this program?
âWhen do I let people know I donât have a clue about what Iâm doing?
You may think of other questions you need to ask yourself. Itâs good for you to evaluate your motives so you can lead with integrity.
In my early years, I wanted to cancel a student-run praise and worship night. Nothing was wrong with the program, and most people would have considered it a fairly successful night for students. I told people I wanted to cancel it because it wasnât growing and it was taking students out another night of the week (both good reasons). When I held the mirror up to examine my motives, I saw that my motives were to be noticed, to develop my credibility, and to highlight my speaking gifts (which werenât being seen because students were running the program). I used excuses as a smokescreen to cover my real agenda. My entire plan reeked of bad motives. Thankfully I didnât cancel the program, but I did see my ugly, dark side that was close to the surface and very real.
To keep your motives right, commit yourself to an honest and regular evaluation of your heart, the source of your spiritual growth and leadership. (I have written an entire chapter about your heartâs condition. See Chapter 3.)
Iâve made my own pledge to never do any training if I canât talk about the spiritual life of a leader. Unfortunately, I spent my first several years in youth ministry creating fancy programs, inventing wild games, and growing the group to head-turning numbers, all on my own power. I was the antithesis of John 15 where Jesus tells us to be connected to the Father in order to bear fruit. I was connected to youth ministry books and magazines instead of God and his Word. Believe me, Iâm a different man today and a much better youth worker because of my heartâs connection. I donât have the energy that I did in 1979, but my church doesnât have the spiritually immature leader my previous church once hadâIâve learned to give myself regular heart checkups since then.
3. I will steer clear of the numbers game.
You donât need to be in youth ministry long before you hear this famous question:âHow many kids are in your group?â Iâve heard it asked more times than I want to admit. Now I feel embarrassed for the person who asks this question. It feeds into the myth that bigger is better and that the value of your leadership is based on how many students you have. Hereâs my fleshly response to this carnal question:âWho cares?â
Please commit during your beginning years to not engage in the numbers game. Donât join the group of youth workers who erroneously base their value on how many students attend a particular event. This is not a basis for determining value.
Carol was a great volunteer youth worker who left our youth ministry team because she was âtired.â Later when I asked for an exit interview, she admitted that the real reason was because she felt she was ineffective. She had only three girls in her small group while the other female leaders had at least twice as many. Even as a volunteer small group leader, she felt the pressure to grow.
Truthfully, Carol was a great small group leader, and if she had had more students in her group she wouldnât have had enough time to adequately care for them. She played the numbers game, and at the end of the game, our ministry lost, Carol lost, and those three girls lost. The numbers game is a losing game! Donât be fooled into becoming a loser!
Throwing out numbers can be exciting or debilitating depending on who youâre talking to. Bigger isnât better; healthier is better. Steer clear of churches and youth workers who are driven by numbers, and surround yourself with those who are motivated by serving God faithfully and pursuing health.
What if My Supervisor Is Really into Numbers?
First of all, Iâd like to say, âIâm sorry.â I understand the pressure of numbers, and I hate it. Thankfully some churches use numbers as toolsâsay, for planning and budgetingâ but don't obsess over them. They're more concerned about pursuing health than attendance. But I realize that isnât the case in all churches, and you may feel the pressure of more⌠bigger⌠better. Not a fun culture to work in. To write honestly, I need to say that chances are slim for changing a numbers-driven culture in a short period of time. While people and churches can change, it usually doesn't happen quickly. So what can you do? Here are some thoughts:
1. Understand where the number pressure comes from. In many churches, the people making decisions are comfortable with a profit-loss mentality. Many church leaders come from the marketplace, and they want to know if they're getting âbang for their buck.â That mentality leaks into the church and becomes, "Is the youth worker's salary justified by the number of students we have?â The answer to this isnât always objective, and thatâs where it becomes ugly. Attendance can be one form of evaluation, but shouldn't be the only form. The numbers pressure has more history in secular thinking than in it does in biblical examples. But since the church is made up of people, and people are fallible, this type of thinking shouldnât surprise anyone. Regardless of whether you agree with it, itâs good to know where these ideas come from.
2. Understand your supervisor. Have a meeting with your supervisor to ask for her expectations. (Ideally this happens before you begin work. See Chapter 12.) Once you have the expectations, I suggest taking three steps:
1. Put the expectations in writing. Review them with your supervisor to make sure you understand them correctly.
2. If the expectations donât include numbers (and they probably wonât), ask whether attendance numbers are related to the expectations, and, if so, what are the numbers expectations? 3. If there are numerical expectations, ask, âWhat happens if those numbers aren't met?â
3. Learn to communicate in terms of health rather than numbers. Donât feed others' appetites for numbers by making number statements (âWe had so many students there last night.â) Instead choose statements that reflect health (âItâs exciting to see how students are responding to the Bible study by bringing their friends.â) Here are some other actions to take:
â Tell life-change stories. Share the good work God is doing in peopleâs lives.
â Use words like health instead of growth.
â Communicate forward thinking by using terms like reach, build, increase, vision, and change. â Train the other youth ministry leaders to be more concerned with health than numbers. The more people pursuing health, the better.
Please donât give in to the temptation to inflate numbers so you can stay in favor with your supervisor. You will compromise your integrity if you do. If your ministry is in Godâs hands, if youâre seeking his direction, if you're giving your best effort, thatâs all you can do. Youâve got to focus on doing the possible in the best way you know how and trust God for what's beyond your control.
If that isnât good enough for your supervisor, it may be time to ask God to move you in a new direction. Donât be discouraged. Many healthy churches exist and your next ministry opportunity may be at one.
4. I will not criticize the past.
Itâs tempting to talk about the past with contempt to make yourself look better in the present or as an excuse to justify a change. Donât do it! Honor those who went before you in the ministry. Some students will wish you were like their last youth worker. But God didnât make you like that last person. In time the students will move forward.
You may think criticism of the past bolsters your credibility. But if youâre working with genuine peopleâstudents or adultsâtheyâll see right through you. Only people of weak character are won over by negativity. Your hopes for credibility will only be seen as immaturity in the eyes of authentic people.
Donât give in to the temptation to make your predecessor look bad by highlighting problems you have because of her mistakes. Keep quiet, take notes of what people value about the past, and learn from those who have been at your church longer than you. In doing so, you'll outlast your critics, enhance your character, and model integrity to your students.
Criticizing is easy, but character finds goodness and brings attention to it. Commit to strengthen your character by making others look good.
5. I will avoid the comparison trap.
This commitment has a similar result to the numbers game since it can't lead you anywhere good. When you compare you lose. Either youâre filled with pride because youâre better than another person, or youâre dejected because you donât measure up. Both attitudes are wrong and destructive. Comparison places what you know about yourself (or your ministry) against what you donât know about another youth worker (or her ministry). That's not a fair evaluation. You'll be tempted to compare yourself to others several times during your first two years; youâll wonder if youâre going to make it because youâre not like someone else. To this day, when I compare myself to another person, I find myself second-guessing my gifts and ministry opportunities. What a depressing position to be in. My prayer is that you steer clear of this temptation early and continually.
We have a wonderful volunteer in our ministry named Li who played the comparison game before she even joined our volunteer team. She was the mom of a student and opened her home every Wednesday night to host several small groups in several rooms of her home. When we needed an additional small group leader, I approached Li to prayerfully consider the role. She told me that she didnât feel young enough when she compared herself to leaders in their 20s and 30s. She was afraid that none of the students would want to leave the younger leaders to be in a small group with a mom pushing 50.
She committed to pray about the opportunity. Some of the teenagers approached her and said,âWeâd like to be in a small group with an older woman who has parented teenagers. We need some wisdom to better understand our parents.â
Li was amazed and eagerly jumped at the chance to influence these girls. She later told me,âI canât believe I almost missed this incredible ministry opportunity because I was comparing myself to 20-year-olds. I learned a great lesson.â
I can tell you from firsthand experience that nothing is ever as good as it looks from a distance. From outer space, the Earth looks like a peaceful, stress-free place, but up close it's chaotic and dangerous. When you feel tempted to compare yourself to another volunteer, leader, or Bible teacher, stop and focus on Godâs love for you in that moment. Godâs love isnât based on how you measure up. He loves you for who you are, not for whom you think you should be more like. Your value as a youth worker must come from Godâs unconditional love for you, or youâll find yourself pursuing the approval of others and trying too hard to earn something from people that God gives freely.
6. I will focus on priorities.
The many demands of youth ministry will keep you busy. But when youâre spread too thin, youâll eventually snap. Youâve got to make a commitment to manage your limited time to go the distance. To do this, you need a healthy understanding of your priorities based on the churchâs values and expectations. (Weâll process this idea from start to finish in Chapter 12).
To help with your priorities you must learn quickly how and when to say no. Without a sense of priorities, youâll say yes to things that deserve a no, and you'll have lost time for those important areas that require your yes. (See page 32 for ideas on time management.)
One reality you'll quickly learn is that youth ministry never ends. More is always waiting to be done, and youâll find yourself wanting to do more. The most difficult decisions you may face are the ones that require saying no to being at more events, meeting with more people, doing more.
Doing more isnât necessarily good youth ministry. Doing the right things, based on your priorities, is good youth ministry regardless of how much time you have available to spend. Iâd rather have one youth worker who knows his priorities and does the right thing for 30 minutes a week than have two youth workers who have hours to spend and are aimless with their time. The most effective youth workers are the ones who know how to focus on whatâs expected of them. People who are spread too thin might be busy, but busyness is not synonymous with effectiveness.
No. No. No. Keep practicing that word!
7. I will pace myself.
Hopefully, you're in youth ministry for a marathon, not a sprint. Right away, you must learn how to stay in shape. Since youth ministry is never finished, and more can always be done, learn to take daily stretchesâbreathers throughout your day and week so you can be refreshed. Discover places, moments, and people who provide refreshment from the busyness of youth ministry and take your mind away from all that needs to be done.
Because Iâm in youth ministry full time, I try to take a daily stretch to clear my mind from youth ministry. It doesn't need to be long, but it does need to be refreshing.
My escapes happen when Iâ
â Coach my kidsâ sports teams
â Drink diet Pepsi and read the newspaper at Taco Bell
â Play racquetball
â Jog with a friend
â Lift weights
â Relax in the whirlpool bath with my wife (or in the church baptismalâŚkidding!)
These activities slow me down. When Iâm out of control and think I need more time in my day, I feel outside of Godâs will. I know God doesnât plan more for me to do than heâs given me time for. The same truth applies to you. Draw up a list of your own ways to get refreshed. (I highly recommend caffeine!)
8. I will serve.
This commitment may not impress you as good youth ministry advice, but it's crucial to your long-term effectiveness as a leader. The longer youâre in youth ministry, the more likely youâll be in positions where you lead and others follow. Thatâs fine, good, wonderful, and even appealing. But Jesus gave the church a unique model of leadership that requires serving. If you want to be a great youth worker, serve. If you want to be first, be last. If you canât serve, you canât lead, at least not as Christ intended. You're an incredible example of Christ to church leaders, members, and students when you serve. Actually, youâre never more like Jesus than when you serve.
This is the part of youth ministry where you'll get Godâs blessing because you wonât get human recognition. This is when you make the extra effort to pick up trash in the Sunday school room, help someone in the church office, carry boxes to the secretaryâs car, refrain from teasing your pastor about his toupee, give up an hour to help fold church bulletins, and offer transportation to an elderly saint.
These are the tasks that probably arenât included in your job description but should be written on your heart. Jump at the opportunity to serve in the little ways and your youth ministry will benefit because of your character. You canât lose when you serve.
9. I will be a learner.
I live by an axiom that's popular in my church:âAll leaders are learners. When a leader stops learning, the leader stops leading.â Although this attitude requires a constant investment of time and sacrifice, not to mention a diet of humility, it has enhanced my leadership skills as a youth worker. I can only teach what I know, and this truth requires me to keep growing. This habit is especially important to maintaining a decent selfesteem, since many of the teenagers in my church think I donât know anything.
Iâm saddened each year at youth ministry conventions when I notice that veteran youth workers choose not to attend the workshop sessions because the material isn't delivered by big-name, general-session speakers. In my experience some of the bright, young, unknown leaders have some of the freshest approaches and newest ideasâones that offer strong learning opportunities to those of us whoâre getting wrinkles and losing hair!
Make a commitment today to be an eager, life-long learner. Read. Listen to tapes. Discuss ideas with people you disagree with. Sit at the feet of teachers who are younger and older than you. You'll learn from your mistakes, but a wise leader is proactive and learns from others, too. The fact that you're reading this book shows you value this principle.
10. I will pursue contentment.
One of the common themes I hear from new youth workers has to do with discontentment. Typically, they want to see more fruit from their labor and see it faster. They want bigger results and instant rewards and feel abandoned when these donât materialize.
Iâve learned that when I feel discontent with my ministry situation, every option outside my church seems better. The church down the street looks inviting, that speaking invitation sounds alluring, the opportunity that I said no to last month now appears worthwhile. Each is a symptom of discontentment.
Ministry isn't easy. Your first two years may be the most difficult years you'll ever experience, and our enemy would love to see you ineffective and living in the land of discontentment. One of the most frequent results of discontentment is leaving, walking away from your ministry. When you leave your youth ministry too soon after arriving, you hurt the church. Students stop opening up when adults rotate through their lives. The next leader has to deal with the backlash.
Anika's my neighbor, a 12th grader who's had five different small group leaders at her church. Anika told me she doesnât feel like talking to her small group leaders anymore. She has no confidence they'll stick around. Iâve tried inviting her to attend one of our small groups, but she has no assurance ours will be any different.
Short-term commitments may be beneficial for the adult, but they damage the student.
If you want to survive, pursue being content with where God has you and the gifts youâve been given. Stop looking over your fence into your neighborâs yard, and thank God he's using you where he has you. You've heard the adage, "The grass is greener on the other side"? The truth is, the grass is greener where itâs watered. So start watering your own grass.
Discontentment and discouragement are blood relatives. When you have one uninvited guest, you almost always have the other. Since they show up so frequently, I've devoted the entire next chapter to dealing with the problem. And if you and your church are still on a honeymoon, you can come back to the topic later.
