Nikky Oyediran Adesiyan

17/12/2025

Shout out to my newest followers! Excited to have you onboard! Michael Adeniyi, Gbade Gabson Gbadebo, Oluwaseun A*o Apejua, Saeed M Adam, Aina Erinle Wasiu, John Clifford Adewole, Adetokunbo Babs, Kemi Taiwo Adekunle, Motilayo Omoniyi, Moses Akinmuyiwa, Christopher Onuzurike, Oladunni Falope

17/12/2025

“So… How Does Jesus Love?”

Part 3

The message came shortly after I shared Part 2.

“So how does Jesus love… and what do you mean by there’s no fear in love and that perfect love drives out fear?”

I read it slowly.

Not because I didn’t know the answer—
but because this question deserved more than a verse.
It deserved understanding.

So I thought again of the man from Part 1.
The one who said he loved his wife,
yet used his strength to silence her.

And I realized something:
Many people have heard about Jesus,
but few have paused to study His love.

So let me tell you how Jesus loves.

Jesus never begins with fear.

He never enters a room to dominate.
He never raises His voice to secure obedience.
He never uses pain to make a point.

When Jesus corrects, He first creates safety.

Think about it.

When Peter failed Him publicly,
Jesus didn’t humiliate him—
He restored him privately.

When the woman caught in adultery was dragged before Him,
Jesus didn’t strike her—
He shielded her.

When the disciples misunderstood Him repeatedly,
He didn’t threaten them—
He taught them patiently.

Jesus’ love does not shrink people.
It strengthens them.

That is why Scripture says:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”
(1 John 4:18)

Because fear is not a tool of love—
it is evidence of its absence.

Fear controls.
Love transforms.

Fear says, “Do this or suffer.”
Love says, “Follow Me—I will show you the way.”

Fear demands silence.
Love invites conversation.

Fear produces compliance.
Love produces change.

This is the difference between power and authority.

Jesus had all power,
yet He chose humility.

He could command obedience,
yet He chose the cross.

He could intimidate,
yet He chose intimacy.

That is perfect love.

Now bring this truth back into marriage.

If love requires fear to function,
then it is not love—it is control.

If obedience is enforced through pain,
it is not submission—it is survival.

If a spouse must constantly walk on eggshells,
love has already been replaced by intimidation.

And no matter how spiritual the language sounds,
Jesus is not in it.

Because Jesus never leads through fear.

Here is the truth many avoid:

If fear is present in a marriage,
something sacred has been broken.

Love does not raise fists.
Love does not block exits.
Love does not threaten.
Love does not punish bodies to correct behavior.

Jesus’ love heals what fear destroys.

That is why the Bible does not say,
“Husbands, control your wives.”

It says:

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
(Colossians 3:19)

Harshness and Christlike love cannot coexist.

So when I say,
“There is no fear in love,”
this is what I mean:

Jesus’ love creates refuge, not anxiety.
Security, not suspicion.
Freedom, not force.

Marriage was meant to reflect that love.

A covenant of safety.
A place of rest.
A holy ground where fear has no voice.

And where Jesus truly loves—
fear has no permission to stay.

Teaching Point for Couples – Part 3

Jesus’ love never uses fear to produce obedience.
Fear may control behavior, but only love transforms the heart.
If love has to threaten, intimidate, or harm—it is no longer love.
Christ is the standard, not culture, anger, or entitlement.

Where fear exists, love must be redefined.

16/12/2025

16/12/2025

15/12/2025

Part 2: Meaning of Physical Abuse in Marriage

Physical abuse is any intentional use of physical force meant to control, intimidate, punish, or harm a spouse.

It is not discipline.
It is not love.
It is not biblical authority.

Physical abuse violates:

The dignity of the person

The covenant of marriage

God’s design for love, safety, and mutual honor

In marriage, love never requires fear to function.

> “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”
(1 John 4:18)

If fear is present, something is already broken.

Types of Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is not limited to “serious injuries.” It includes any form of physical force used to assert power or control.

1. Direct Physical Violence

Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking

Choking or restraining

Throwing objects at a spouse

Using weapons or threatening with objects

2. “Mild” or Normalized Violence

Often dismissed as “not serious,” yet deeply harmful:

Pushing or shoving

Grabbing arms forcefully

Blocking exits or trapping a spouse in a room

Forcefully snatching items from their hands

3. Punitive Physical Acts

Acts framed as “correction” or “discipline”:

Beating as punishment

Physical force after disagreement

Inflicting pain to “teach a lesson”

There is no biblical or moral justification for this.

4. Threatened Physical Abuse

Raising fists

Aggressive posturing

Threats of harm

Destroying property to intimidate

Threats alone create fear and are a form of abuse.

5. Physical Control and Restraint

Preventing a spouse from leaving

Holding them down

Taking keys, phones, or means of escape

Control is the goal—not correction.

A Word of Truth for Couples

Abuse is not a communication problem—it is a heart and power problem.

Love does not escalate into violence; unchecked anger does.

Repentance is not saying “sorry” while repeating the behavior.

Change requires accountability, counseling, and submission to God.

For the one being abused:
Silence is not submission, and endurance is not holiness.

For the one abusing:
Authority in marriage is never enforced by fear.

Marriage was designed to be a place of refuge, not a place of fear.
A covenant of safety, not survival.
A reflection of Christ’s love—not a distortion of it.

> “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
(Colossians 3:19)

14/12/2025

“Uhm… what is love?” Part 1

I paused.

Not because I didn’t hear him,
but because I did.

“I love her so dearly,” he said again, almost pleading,
“my life is not complete without her…
but she gets on my nerves.
She doesn’t understand me.
So I discipline her.”

“How?” I asked quietly.

“Physically,” he answered, without flinching.

I looked at him, searching for the place where love and violence had somehow shaken hands in his mind.

“And who are we talking about?” I asked, already dreading the answer.

“My wife.”

What.

I opened my mouth, then closed it.
This was not a moment for outrage.
This was a moment for truth.

“Uhm… what is love?” I finally asked.

He frowned. “Love is caring. Providing. Being there.”

I nodded. “And discipline?”

“Correcting,” he said. “Making sure she doesn’t cross the line.”

I leaned forward.
“Let me ask you something. When you discipline her physically, does she feel safer… or smaller?”

Silence.

“Does she feel loved… or afraid?”

Still silence.

“Does she grow closer to you… or does her heart quietly retreat?”

He swallowed.

Then I said gently,
“Love does not need bruises to be heard.”

I opened my Bible.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

I looked back at him.
“Tell me—when Christ corrected the church, did He raise His hand… or did He stretch it out on a cross?”

His eyes dropped.

“Discipline without love is abuse,” I continued.
“And love without understanding becomes control.
But godly love?
Godly love is patient.
It is kind.
It is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13)

I let that sit.

“You say she doesn’t understand you,” I said.
“But have you tried understanding her—without force, without fear, without power?”

He whispered, “I thought discipline was my right.”

“No,” I replied softly.
“Love is your calling.
Leadership is your responsibility.
And sacrifice is your assignment.”

Then I said the words I knew would stay with him:

“If your love hurts her body, it has already wounded your marriage.
Because love that looks like Christ never leaves scars—
it leaves healing.”

I closed my Bible.

“Marriage is not a battlefield.
Your wife is not your child.
And fear is not respect.”

I stood up.

“Until you redefine love,
you will keep calling control ‘discipline’
and abuse ‘care.’
But God calls it neither.”

And as I walked away, I prayed that one day he would understand:

Love does not dominate.
Love does not harm.
Love does not need fists.
Love chooses the cross—every time.

Teaching Point for Couples

Love and violence cannot coexist.

Discipline is never a marital tool—communication is.

Understanding must come before correction.

Christ is the model: sacrificial, gentle, selfless love.

If fear is present, love is absent.

13/12/2025

When obedience takes the wheel

13/12/2025

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063450588797

12/12/2025

12/12/2025

🌼 UNDERSTANDING POSTNATAL DEPRESSION

The Silent Storm Destroying Marriages & Breaking Women

Today, I feel led to share something that has silently destroyed so many homes… yet many still don’t understand it.

It’s called Postnatal Depression (PND).
And many women are suffering from it without even knowing.

💔 WHAT IS POSTNATAL DEPRESSION?

Postnatal depression is a serious emotional and hormonal condition that affects women after childbirth.
It is NOT:
❌ lack of love
❌ disrespect
❌ laziness
❌ spiritual attack
❌ or a woman “changing” after marriage

It is a real medical condition triggered by childbirth.

💢 CAUSES OF PND

• Hormonal crash after delivery
• Physical exhaustion
• Sleepless nights
• Emotional overwhelm
• No support system
• Multiple births
• Stress, trauma, loneliness

Many women are carrying more than their minds and bodies can bear.

⚠️ COMMON SYMPTOMS

If you notice these signs, please pay attention:

• Constant crying
• Withdrawal
• Irritability
• Mood swings
• Forgetfulness
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Disconnection from baby
• Mental exhaustion
• Loss of interest in intimacy

This is not “her changing”—it is her struggling.

💥 THE DAMAGE WHEN IT’S NOT UNDERSTOOD

This condition has:

💔 Ruined marriages
💔 Pushed women into psychiatric hospitals
💔 Caused emotional breakdowns
💔 Created distance between couples
💔 Made husbands feel rejected
💔 Left mothers feeling like failures

All because the REAL cause was never recognized.

✨ THE TRUTH

Your wife is NOT your enemy.
Your husband is NOT your enemy.
The season is the enemy.

Many homes collapsed not because love died…
But because understanding was missing.

🌷 WHAT HUSBANDS CAN DO

• Be patient
• Learn about PND
• Help with the baby
• Don’t take her mood personally
• Encourage rest
• Listen without judgement
• Seek help together if needed

Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do for your wife is to give her rest and understanding.

🌸 WHAT WIVES SHOULD KNOW

You are not weak.
You are not failing.
You are not “losing your mind.”
You just went through a physically and emotionally demanding experience.

Please talk.
Please ask for help.
You don’t have to suffer silently.

🌼 FINAL WORD

Postnatal depression is real.
It is powerful.
And it has silently pushed many women and marriages to the edge.

Let’s educate ourselves.
Let’s support each other.
Let’s create homes where understanding replaces judgement.

A little knowledge can save a woman.
A little patience can save a marriage.
A little compassion can save a family.