26/12/2012
THE EAGLES PRIVATE INVESTIGATIONS
CHEATING SPOUSE OR INFIDELITY investigations
An emotional or s*xual act or both undertaken by one person with a third party who is outside the primary relationship, and constitutes a breach of trust in the primary relationship or a violation of agreed norms in relation to romantic, emotional or s*xual exclusivity. Infidelity does not discriminate. It can affect anyone of any race, color or creed. It does not matter if you are rich or poor, where you live, or your age. Infidelity can exist in your home, and you can be its victim. If it can happen in the White House, it can happen in your house.
Having an extra-marital affair is hard work. Your spouse has to juggle time for you, the kids and their lover. That's what makes your spouse generate a pattern of activities. In many instances you will identify with several signs.
Infidelity involves third parties who are married or unmarried. It sometimes involves the newlyweds, domestic helpers or in other forms such as internet-s*x or same-s*x relationship. Infidelity can cause significant damage and injury to relationships. It is the second most damaging problem encountered by couples, ranking after physical abuse. Infidelity can be dangerous and life threatening to those involved and also to their family members.
WHY BOTHER TO FIND OUT?
Should you investigate your spouse if you suspect them of cheating on you? Why even bother trying finding out?
Why attempt to discover something you’d probably rather not know? Why not take the course of least resistance and leave things as they are? Why not just look the other way until their cheating becomes too blatant to ignore, or until someone brings it to your attention? Why not just pretend it’s not happening and hope for the best? It is certainly possible that one or more of these questions have crossed your mind.
IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS
When it comes to infidelity, ignorance is not bliss. Ignoring your spouse’s affair will not make it go away.
Experts say that if a couple does not find out about and address their spouse’s cheating; it’s likely to become a permanent state of affairs. Turning a blind eye can cause irreparable harm to your marriage. By pretending it’s not happening, you create a permissive environment and are enabling your spouse’s affair. The longer you pretend not to know, the more likely they are to continue, because they thinks they are getting away with their cheating or feels that you silently approve.
Ignoring your spouse’s cheating will not make the situation better. In fact, things could get progressively worse.
Your spouse could become so attached to their lover that it will be difficult for them to give her up and get your marriage back on track. Sure, you could passively sit back and wait for your spouse to tire of their lover. But what if they get tired of you instead and decide to leave you and move in with them, or ask you for a divorce?
YOUR FUTURE IS AT STAKE
No doubt you’ve heard stories of couples who abandon spouses after years of marriage. What if your spouse suddenly leaves you without warning? What if it comes as a total surprise and you’ve done nothing to prepare yourself financially or emotionally for this devastating and traumatic change of events? The sooner you find out what you’re up against, the sooner you can take action. You owe it to yourself—and your children, if you have any— to uncover the truth. “Is he/she cheating on me?” Once that question takes root in your mind, it can haunt you day and night, until you find the answer. It will create anxieties that spill over into other areas of your life. This, in turn, will affect the way you react toward friends, family and the world around you. It can manifest itself as anger, depression, anxiety and numerous physical problems as well. Your mental, physical and emotional well-being is at stake. So banish the thought that you’re better off not knowing the truth.
WHY YOU SHOULD TRY TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH
If you think your spouse might be cheating, it’s in your best interest to do everything in your power to confirm whether or not what you suspect is true. Here are 21 compelling reasons why:
To put your mind at ease.
A strong suspicion that your spouse could be cheating can cause you endless days of worry and many sleepless nights. If it turns out they are not cheating, it will be a big relief to know your suspicions were untrue. The sooner you deal with your suspicions, the sooner you can stop worrying and get on with your life.
To take steps to protect yourself (and your children) financially.
Affairs cost money. Your spouse may be tapping into the family’s financial resources to maintain their affair. If you find evidence of this, you can legally take steps to secure your (and your children’s) financial well-being before they squander any more marital assets on their cheating partners. If they are paying for flowers, jewelry, gifts, dinners and hotel rooms with your joint credit cards, you could end up footing the bills for their affair.
To eliminate the possibility of contracting HIV/AIDS or some other s*xually transmitted disease.
HIV/AIDS and other STDs are a stark reality of life. If your spouse is having unprotected s*x with someone else it can have life-threatening consequences—for you, him/her, or your unborn children. If you find telltale signs that this type of reckless behavior is going on behind your back, you can take steps to protect yourself.
To prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility that your spouse may leave you.
If your spouse’s involvement with their lover reaches the point that they decide to leave you for them, wouldn’t you rather know in advance? The last thing you want is to have them spring it on you by surprise. As devastating as it may be, knowing that this is a possibility will give you time to mentally and emotionally adjust to the idea.
To give yourself time to prepare to support yourself financially, in the absence of your spouse.
Should it become necessary, you need to be in a position to handle expenses on your own. If you’re not working now, you may need to start searching for a job. You may need to complete your education, take a refresher course or learn a trade to make yourself employable. Women, who are financially dependent on cheating husbands, have no choice but to put up with their cheating.
To keep unfounded suspicions from poisoning your marriage and your mind.
No matter how carefully you conceal what you suspect, if you really think your spouse is cheating, these thoughts are bound to poison your mind. You’ll view him/her in a different light.
This will eventually affect other aspects of your marriage — your s*x life, your daily interaction with your spouse, the level of trust you have in them and more. If your suspicions turn out to be false, the absence of telltale signs can restore balance and breathe new life into your marriage.
To seek legal counsel so you can find out your rights.
You’ll want to prepare yourself legally if you suspect your spouse of having an affair. You’ll want to avail yourself of a free (or low-cost) consultation with an attorney who specializes in matrimonial law, so you can find what your legal rights are (alimony, child support, division of marital assets, etc.). This holds true, even if you’re not sure right how you will handle the situation. Regardless of whether you ultimately decide to dissolve your marriage or stay with your spouse and try to work things out, you need to have this information.
To gather evidence so you can confront your spouse with your knowledge of their affair.
Often the key attraction of an affair is the secrecy, the intrigue, the feeling of getting away with something forbidden.
If you have proof that your spouse is cheating, you should confront them with your knowledge of their affair. This in itself may be enough to bring their affair to a halt. If you don’t have any concrete evidence yet, then you need to look for telltale signs.
To short-circuit an impending affair.
Affairs usually happen in stages. Most couples don’t suddenly become cheating spouses overnight. Your spouse may not have actually cheated yet, but they could be seriously entertaining “pre-infidelity thoughts.” Knowing how to spot the early warning signs of an impending affair will give you a chance to stop things before they even begin.
To seek professional help in coping with your husband’s affair.
It takes time to locate a skilled marriage counselor or family therapist to help you work through the emotional trauma that accompanies the discovery of an affair. A trained professional can guide you through the aftermath of the affair and work with you individually or as a couple to get your marriage back on track. A competent marriage counselor or couples therapist can help you avoid an unnecessary divorce. If divorce is inevitable, your counselor or therapist can help you rebuild your life.
To gain control of the situation.
Knowledge is power. You can feel like a helpless victim if you’re not sure what’s going on, and easily get swept along with the tide. You can empower yourself by finding out the facts. Once you have a clear picture of what’s happening, the ball is in your court. You can take control of the situation by making an informed decision on how to handle the matter.
You may even be able to turn the situation to your advantage.
To find out exactly what you’re dealing with.
If your spouse has been acting strangely for the past few weeks or months, maybe they are cheating on you. But what if there’s another reason for his strange behavior? If there’s some other problem or issue that’s threatening the stability of your marriage, you need to know what it is. Some discreet detective work on your part will help you find out what’s really going on.
To safeguard your financial assets if your spouse is planning to leave you.
What about your financial security? An unexpected divorce or separation can put an unsuspecting couple in a serious financial bind. Consider the financial implications of your situation (living arrangements, child care, transportation, bills etc.) if your spouse leaves you high and dry. What guarantee do you have that they’ll continue to provide for you and the children if they leave you for someone else? Cheating husbands planning to leave their wives will often transfer, liquidate, divert or otherwise conceal marital assets and resources. What if they remarry or move in with someone else? If telltale signs alert you in advance that your spouse is cheating, you can take steps to prepare for these possibilities. There could be certain things you need to put in place now so you can maintain your financial status quo.
To gain the time you need to fight for your marriage.
If you know your spouse is seeing someone else, you can examine yourself and your marriage to see what may have triggered the affair. If you can pinpoint the contributing factors, you have a fighting chance to make changes that could save your marriage from divorce.
To determine whether your marriage is in jeopardy.
The first step in solving a problem is to define exactly what the problem is. All affairs are not the same. Some affairs pose a more serious threat to a relationship than others. Things may not be as bad as you think – or they could be a whole lot worse. A little detective work will not only help find out if your spouse is cheating, it will help you determine what type of affair it is. Are they merely having a “frivolous fling? Or have they forged a deep emotional or s*xual bond with their lover that will be difficult or impossible to break?
To focus your energy in the right direction.
You can waste endless time and energy and drive yourself crazy wondering: Is he? Isn’t he? What the heck is going on?
You’ll be in a constant state of emotional limbo until you find out the truth. Taking matters into your own hands is not only being therapeutic, it will help you get to the bottom of things.
Once you have a clear picture of the situation, you can figure out what to do next. If they are cheating, you can focus your energy on planning how to handle the situation.
To get the facts out into the open so the two of you can work together to get your marriage back on track.
Sometimes an affair can serve as a wake-up call for a marriage. If you find out for sure that your spouse is cheating, the two of you (alone or with the help of a marriage counselor) can pinpoint and address the underlying problems in the marriage which may have contributed to the affair.
Dealing with the root of the problem can lessen the likelihood of your spouse straying again.
To obtain proof of his cheating in preparation for taking legal action (divorce and/or child custody).
If you decide to sue for divorce and/or child custody, the law requires proof of your spouse’s infidelity that will hold up in a court of law. But first, you need to establish that they are, in fact cheating on you. Once you’ve done that, you can proceed with hiring a private investigator to obtain whatever legal proof you may need. (If you’ve already done the bulk of the investigatory work, your bill won’t be nearly as high.)
To make rational decisions about your future based on facts rather than assumptions.
If your suspicions about your spouse’s cheating have not been confirmed, you should delay taking action of any kind until you’re absolutely sure. It would be foolish on you part for you to leave your spouse, put them out, or start divorce proceedings on the basis of speculation about what might be going on. Don’t speculate – investigate. First, get the facts.
Look for confirming telltale signs, and then proceed. Base your decisions on reliable information.
To put an end to malicious rumours and gossip.
It’s embarrassing and humiliating to be grist for the rumor mill. Others might also suspect your spouse of cheating on you, and may be talking about you behind your back. But things may not be what they seem. There could be a valid explanation for your spouse’s behaviour. If your investigation reveals that they are not cheating, you can silence those wagging tongues, and put an end to the malicious gossip, rumors and lies.
To punish the scoundrel or seek revenge.
(NOT A GOOD IDEA). This is not recommended at all, but many couple feel justified in exacting revenge or punishing their spouses for cheating on them. I strongly discourage you from doing anything of this sort. A desire for revenge can be a recipe for disaster. Revenge might make you feel better temporarily, but in the long run, it’s not worth the time and effort. The newspapers and prison systems are full of men and women who overstepped the boundaries of the law to get revenge on a cheating spouse.
It is important to point out that infidelity not only affects your emotional well-being but your physical health as well. The fact is that with the increase of STD’s today, not knowing if your spouse is being unfaithful is like playing Russian roulette with your life. It is your health – You have every right to know.
Whatever your personal reasons are for wanting to find out if your spouse is cheating on you, don’t speculate – investigate!
HOW TO FIND THE TELLTALE SIGNS
There are signs to help you easily locate the signs that apply to your spouse. Look through the signs and give yourself a reasonable period of time (1 to 3 weeks) to search for clues. Watch your spouse closely. Pay close attention to the things they say and do.
Since there are over 1000 telltale signs, it’s unlikely that you’ll miss any significant signs if you pay close attention to what’s going on. While it’s true that some telltale signs are quite subtle, most of them are easy to spot – provided you know what to look for.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Do not be intimidated or put off by the number of telltale signs. You DO NOT have to find every single sign. Even if your spouse is cheating, not every sign will apply to them; but you’ll be surprised at how many will. Just check them off so you can spot any patterns.
Use your senses – all of them.
LOOK – at his appearance. Pay attention to his behaviour. Notice any changes in their work habits or daily routine.
LISTEN – for uncharacteristic remarks, for things they now refuses to discuss, for names dropped, for lies or inconsistencies in the things they say.
SMELL – their person, their clothing, their car for incriminating s*xual odors or unfamiliar scents.
FEEL – the tension in your marriage, the emotional distance.
Don’t be so quick to dismiss your intuition. If your instinct or gut feelings tell you something is wrong, take a closer look.
One study showed that over 80% of the women who had a “feeling” their husbands were cheating, turned out to be right.
Your subconscious mind can pick up on things long before you consciously register that something is amiss. Learn to trust your instincts.
Stay Alert
Don’t let a single day pass without scrutinizing everything your spouse says or does. The signs that are evident one day may not be there the next. Be alert for anything that appears to be a departure from your spouse’s norm. The more diligently you look, the more telltale signs you’re likely to find.
It’s not uncommon to observe telltale signs without recognizing them for what they are. You may not immediately make a connection between what you’re seeing and what’s going on behind your back.
Quickly scan the signs listed in each category to familiarize yourself with the kinds of things that can indicate an affair. Once you get an idea of what to look for, there’s very little you’ll miss if you constantly refer to the 21 categories in this study.
Should You Spy On Your Spouse?
PRIVATE INVESTIGATIONS
