03/01/2025
For your amusement, my latest job application.
Dear Sir/Madam,
With regard to my application for the co-host on your podcast, I'd like to bring the following to your attention as I think they may be desirable attributes.
I say 'may' as they didn't work out on my application for shelf stacker at Tesco. However, I always get an A* for effort.
I'm generally left wing and can't see the point of the Monarchy. More to the point is that people are blind to their every move being a PR opportunity and what they really do and stand for is well hidden. (I couldn't spell camu...kamo...camoflarged...never mind)
I'm used to performing. I play the drums and sing and I have tried my hand at stand up comedy. I gave it up due to the regular attempts on my life and not getting paid. I'd tell you my story about me taking a woman out and treating her like a princess but I'd fear for your safety if you were merely in possession of it. I wouldn't want your death on my conscience before I even had a chance of an interview.
I'm from Tipton but despite this I had learned English by the time I was 35 and learned to walk upright without dragging my knuckles by the time I was 40.
I come complete with a genuine Black Country accent, not a crap Brummie copy. If viewers have a language barrier with me I'm happy to supply an interpreter.
I run two YouTube channels with a vast amount of about 50 subscribers between them.
I'm a published author. You can look my book up, My Big Red C**k, on Amazon.
I trust that is enough to get me a rejection letter. It was for Tesco.
Yours Sincerely,
Tim Woodley.
