Tova Leigh - My Thoughts about stuff

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Tova Leigh - My Thoughts about stuff

Hi my name is Tova! I am a writer, performer and digital creator based in London, UK. I also co-hosts a weekly podcast Till Death Do Us Pod with my husband Mike.
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I started my blog - My Thoughts About Stuff - in 2015 as a creative outlet and because I wanted to share the struggles I faced as a new mom with other women. My viral online series Mom Life Crisis which documents my own mid life crisis following a health scare, resonated with millions of women across the world and later became a documentary film on Amazon Prime Video. In March 2019 I released my f

irst book ‘F*cked at 40: Life Beyond Suburbia, Monogamy and Stretch Marks’. The book is for every woman that has ever felt trapped in the norms society forces upon women. My second book ‘You Did What?’ was released in September 2021 and is a collection of the best confessions I have heard over the years along with my own stories and insights on the connection between having secrets and feeling shame. I am a mother of three girls and am a passionate feminist. My content is about motherhood, relationships, feminism and more, some is funny and some not so much lol. Please check out my website to find out when my next live show is on and about my online courses and all the other things I am doing - if you sign up to my news letter you'll never miss anything! www.tovaleigh.com

Thank you for being here! Lots of love,

Tova x

06/01/2025

Excited to let you know that my first book left at 40 has been selected for Audible's January monthly deal so for Audible Premium Plus members in the US, the audiobook is on sale for only $5.99!!!

If you haven’t read or listened to it yet now’s your chance (and yes, it’s me reading the audiobook).

https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/B084RSW4J8?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=pdp

04/01/2025

Only 5 places left for my upcoming female empowerment retreat in May 2025! 🙌🏻
Apply via: https://tovaleigh.com/retreat

Expect five nights and six days in a stunning secret location overlooking the most incredible view, surrounded by like-minded brilliant women, all your meals and snacks prepared for you, workshops about body image, confidence, needs, pleasure, playfulness and so much more, a massage, boat trip, a goodie bag that’s worth £££ and many other surprises.

This Retreat is perfect for any woman who needs a break, who wants to reconnect with her body, her s*xuality, her sense of adventure and playfulness, anyone who needs a boost of confidence, who feels like they’ve lost themselves, who wants to be part of a supportive community of women who champion each other, or anyone who just wants to have someone else cook for them for five days LOL. if you’re thinking of joining the applying, don’t wait!

I know that when these type of things come up on our feed we often hesitate but sometimes you just need to say “f*ck it” and go with your heart. Can’t wait to read your applications, and hope to see you inMay in Portugal ❤️ https://tovaleigh.com/retreat

03/01/2025

A German investigation uncovered Telegram groups with up to 70,000 men who were openly discussing how to r**e and assault women, exchanging tips on using sedatives (even linking to products disguised as hair care), and even live-streaming their crimes. Some of these men shared stories, images and videos of abusing wives, sisters, and mothers, and one man offered his sedated wife to others.

You might also remember that in December a man in France was sentenced to 20 years in prison for repeatedly drugging and assaulting his wife Gisele Pelicot while involving dozens of other men, 50 of whom were also found guilty for several years.

All of these people deserve to rot in hell for their terrible crimes but I want to talk about all the other men, hundreds or thousands, maybe even tens of thousands who potentially didn't take part in these crimes but knew about them and did nothing to stop them.

You see, here’s the thing: while it’s true that not all men commit such crimes, it’s painfully clear that far too many do. But what is even more disturbing is the silence of so many iothers! It’s this science that creates a culture where these horrors can continue to happen.

Sexual assault may be the most extreme end of the scale, but the culture begins with everyday moments:

When a s*xist joke goes unchallenged. When a woman is objectified in the workplace or in sports. When someone stays silent while a woman is disrespected. Any time you say nothing or do nothing - your silence contributed into creating a world where abuse and violence against women is the norm.

I’m tired of hearing “not all men” as a defence when the reality is that not enough men are stepping up to hold each other accountable. Stop patting yourself on the back - being a decent man isn’t just about not committing these acts - it’s about actively standing up against them, even in the smallest moments.

The hard truth is that until more men start calling out their peers and taking responsibility for changing this toxic culture, nothing will improve.

Do better!

01/01/2025

Here are a few examples of the type of comments I got about my body over the years. I am sharing because it’s the new year and you’re probably bombarded with content telling you how to lose weight so I want to talk about it.

These comments, the loathing, that disgusting feeling of can't even bare to see someone else's body usually comes from a place of SELF loathing. It's most likely that the people who get angry just by seeing my body feel that way because it reminds them of their own bodies which they hate because they don't match up to society's beauty standards for women.

Maybe it's the type of body they are so petrified of having? After all, we've been brought up to be SCARED of our own bodies. Of how they might change, how they age and what that means and in case you did not know - fear is one side of the coin. The other side is hate. We are afraid, so we hate... even ourselves. We struggle to accept ourselves when we don’t fit into the ideal we’ve been told me must fit in.

I find that sad.

I just wish I could reassure those people who took offence from my saggy b***s and soft stomach that they don't need to worry so much. To be honest, I wish we could stop talking about our bodies altogether.

As it’s the new year and it’s usually a time for resolution, many of which revolve around how to get fit, lose weight and achieve a certain look that’s promised to make us happy - I’d like to shift the focus and wish we could all find more kindness. Not just to each other but also to ourselves.

If you want to live your body more or eat nurturing foods that’s great, but when you look at yourself in the mirror remember to be kind to yourself.

As for me, I will continue showing up with all my wobbly bits and have these conversations for the sake of those who need to see that you don’t have to “fix” yourself in order to be worthy. You already are. Just the way you are!

Happy new year ❤️

29/12/2024

We were at a restaurant the other day. There was a family having their dinner next to us and I noticed them because the mom was shouting at her kids and it got my attention. She looked angry and when she took her son to the bathroom she yelled at him and was very impatient. I’m not sure why, but I kept watching her. She got angry with the kids again over dinner and if you didn’t look close enough, you’d probably think she was a horrible mother who only yelled at her kids.

But I did look closer and I also saw how she was the only one looking after them. How she made sure they had what they needed, how she was the one who ordered their food, took them to the bathroom, cut up their chicken and chatted to them throughout the meal. I also noticed how this lady was squeezing at the end of the table with her plate placed on the very corner, like she didn’t matter. She barely had room for her plate and you could tell she was used to being there for everyone else but herself. So yeah, she was angry. Of course she was angry. Wouldn’t you be?

Truth is we’ve all been there. Angry because our cups are empty, because we are looking after everyone else whilst no one is looking after us. Personally, I’ve been furious and I’ve taken it out on the kids and I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s taken a long time but I can tell you for a fact that when my cup was full again, I stopped feeling that anger. And I know that filling that cup is hard. It means putting your needs up there on the priority list and sometimes even putting yourself first! But I promise you that doing that does not make you a bad mother. It does not make you selfish. It only makes you better.

So for the new year, I’d like to wish you this: happy new year! may there always be room for your plate at the dinner table, may your needs be provided, and may your cups ALWAYS be full 💪🙏❤️

27/12/2024

Back in August, Blake Lively became the internet’s favorite punching bag. While promoting her film It Ends With Us- a story about domestic vi0lence - critics claimed she wasn’t taking the subject matter seriously during interviews. Rumors swirled about on-set “complaining” and her husband stepping in on directing decisions and soon the narrative spiraled: Lively was labeled a “mean girl,” with fans rallying behind her co-star and director, Justin Baldoni, in what became a messy “his vs. hers” drama.

At the time, I wrote: “When you see a woman being torn down, be suspicious”.

Four months later, Lively is now suing Baldoni for s*xual harassment, laying out shocking allegations. Her lawsuit includes text messages that hint at a calculated PR smear campaign against her last summer- one everyone eagerly bought into.

It’s a chilling example of how quickly we’re willing to vilify women, especially those who are successful, confident, and gorgeous. I can’t help but wonder how often do we fall for smear campaigns, both in Hollywood and in our own lives?

This story isn’t just about Blake Lively. It’s a reflection of our culture’s tendency to vilify women and protect men. Maybe it’s time we face the painful truth that while not all men harm women, it’s almost always the woman that is blamed first, even when she is the victim.

22/12/2024

Signing off for the year! Before I go I just want to say a few things: 1) Whenever you see a woman being torn down… be very suspicious. Sure, sometimes women are in the wrong but more often than not women are BEING WRONGED so try not to contribute 🙏🏻 2) Social media is bad for you. Nothing much to add apart from YOUR life is just as interesting as other people’s lives so put the phone down and enjoy it. 3) Being “productive” as a goal in life is a binary, patriarchal, right brain hemisphere way of thinking which often stifles creativity and being present. I don’t think our purpose is to get/do places/things faster. We need to just BE. Enjoy the moment. Create. So my hope is you take some time off and allow yourself to slow down. 4) Be kind to yourself. If the house is a mess and if you have lots to eat over the holidays - it’s ok. No one died thinking “I wish my house was more tidy” or “I wish I had less cake over Christmas” NO ONE! That’s my life advice and more insights coming in the new year in my new book which is all about finding your female power and I can’t wait to tell you all about that very soon. Can’t wait to chill for a couple of weeks, play board games, eat cheese and chocolates, go for long walks on the beach and in the forest, see family and friends and wear my most stretchy pants! Wishing you all happy holidays and happy new year, see you in 2025 ❤️❤️❤️

19/12/2024

A French court has found Dominique Pelicot guilty of aggravated r**e, along with 50 other men who stood trial and sentenced him to 20 years in prison for drugging and allowing dozens of men to r**e his wife over a decade.

The survivor, Gisèle Pelicot, demanded a public trial, determined to shift the shame from the victims to their abusers has shown such courage fighting for all victims of s*xual violence.

It’s a day of celebration!

At the same time I do want to stress that this trial highlighted something deeply unsettling: the men involved weren’t some outliers or monsters- they were regular guys, integrated into their communities. This has to force us to confront the uncomfortable truth that male violence isn’t just about individuals; it’s about systemic issues in how society views women.

If we want to break the cycle, the focus has to shift to education, starting when boys are young. Respect, empathy, and equality need to be instilled early, not just as lessons in school but as values that are modeled at home, in media, and in everyday life.

We can’t keep pretending violence is something “other men” do. It’s rooted in a culture that has normalized dismissing, devaluing, and dehumanizing women. Changing this means addressing the attitudes, biases, and power dynamics that are passed down generation after generation.

It’s not about pointing fingers but about taking collective responsibility to foster a world where everyone, regardless of gender, grows up learning to treat others with dignity and humanity. Only then can we hope for real, lasting change.

16/12/2024

THIS! 👇🏻

13/12/2024

Fixed it.

I can’t actually understand the choice of Donald Trump as person of the year 🤦🏻‍♀️ and personally I think we should be Celebrating one of the bravest women of our time instead.

If you’ve not heard of Gisèle Pelicot she is a French woman who became aware that her husband had been drugging her and together with other men r*ping her as she was unconscious. She has been vocal about her SA determined to shift the shame from victims to the perpetrat0rs and by doing so has inspired SA survivors to do the same 🙌🏻 she is my person of the year ❤️

10/12/2024

Have you heard about this? I’ve seen a lot of people jump to Jay Z defence but I’m not sure if they realise that these allegations are part of a series of lawsuits against Sean “Diddy” Combs, who is currently facing federal charges for s*x trafficking and racketeering, along with at least 30 lawsuits accusing him of s*xual misconduct. One of these lawsuits, filed in October, accuses Combs and an anonymous celebrity of s*xually assaulting a teenager at an after-party following the MTV Video Music Awards in New York in 2000. On Sunday, the plaintiff amended the lawsuit to name Jay-Z as the other celebrity involved. The accuser also alleges that an unnamed female celebrity was present in the room at the time of the assault. In response, Jay-Z dismissed the legal action as a “blackmail attempt,” while Combs has denied all allegations of s*xual assault and misconduct, pleading not guilty to the criminal charges. Jay Z had demanded the identity of his accuser be revealed. While only time will tell what the outcome of these trials are, I would expect the identity be kept because of the potential threat the alleged victim would be u see given how powerful and famous these men are. What do you think?

09/12/2024

Not long to go till the end of term and the Christmas break and I for one and SO READY FOR IT! Anyone else?! Can’t wait to not have to wake up every day for the school run and just want to do absolutely nothing for a couple of weeks except eat all the chocolates, watch all the Christmas movies, snuggle up on the sofa with the kids and catch up on sleep. I feel like this first term has been so long - the twins stared secondary school and that was an adjustment, I had my tour and have also been writing my book (handing in tomorrow!!!!). I’m ready for a break to say the least. What’s everyone else planning for the break? Let me know where you are in the world and what you’re doing over the holidays? Tova ❤️

07/12/2024

It’s like an Olympic sport 🤷‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

04/12/2024

The Taliban has banned Afghan women from studying midwifery and nursing, one of the last educational paths available to them. This decision is devastating on multiple levels. For many women, midwifery represented a rare opportunity to pursue education and employment after being excluded from secondary schools, universities, and most professions since 2021. It also deeply impacts Afghan women’s healthcare, as midwives have historically played a critical role in childbirth, especially in conservative societies where women often prefer or require female medical professionals during delivery. On top, childbirth often served as a moment for women to come together and support each other. The Taliban’s decision strips away not just education but also these moments of solidarity. This comes after recent restrictions that have forbidden women from speaking in public and with each other. This is another step in completely stripping Afghan women not only of their human rights and voices but also of their female power. This is not ok!

02/12/2024

Hi everyone, I need your help! I feel a little stuck and/ or in transition with regards to the content I do online and would love to hear from you - what you’d like to see me do more of? I know my content has changed and evolved over the years so there’s a lot to choose from LOL but would love to know what brought to here, what you enjoy and what you’d like to see next. Stuff I usually talk about: feminism, motherhood, comedy, women issues, social media, Relationships, body image, Instagram vs reality etc but I’m also super open to getting new ideas! I’m currently writing my fourth book, which is about female empowerment and what I have learnt through my retreats. I haven’t really shared that type of content online which is also a direction I could go in and possibly the most authentic one. I’m just not quite sure how it will land. In short, I’m asking for your help because you’ve always been so brilliant at supporting and giving feedback so your opinion truly matters to me. Let me know in the comments below and if you’d like to message me privately that’s also okay! Big hugs, Tova x

29/11/2024

Many people are worried about banning social media for kids under 16, saying it restricts their freedom. But let’s pause and think—don’t we already have rules in place to protect young people? Ci******es, alcohol, and even driving all have age limits because they carry risks. Social media is no different. Study after study shows the negative impact it can have on young people’s mental health—rising anxiety, depression, and poor self-esteem. While it might feel harsh, this kind of boundary is about protecting kids during their most formative years, just like we do with other laws. It’s not about control—it’s about giving them space to grow in a healthier environment. I also find the conversation about control ironic it ironic given how much control these massive tech companies have on the brains of our young children. If you’re worried about control then you should really be worried about the fact so many kids are being brainwashed Every single day. I worry much more about the influence these massive tech companies have on us than having a restrictive rule that only delays their access. How they do it is a different question, but what I like is that we have finally started the conversation. A technology and social media were introduced into our lives without any pre-warnings and without any pre-data to access what harms they might entail. Time has passed and we can now see the consequences. It only makes sense to now pull back and put some restrictions that are meant to protect the most vulnerable. This happens all the time And totally makes sense. I really hope other countries will follow!

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Been working on my new book for the last year with the last couple of months being an absolute marathon trying to hit my deadline. I’m so excited to say that this morning I finally handed it in and you’re soon going to hear all about it. This book out of the 4 I’ve written so far is my favourite. I’m going to take a moment to enjoy the fact it’s finished and come the new year I’ll reveal the title and cover and let you know more about it! Wooooo hoooo! Big gin and tonic tonight to celebrate 🥳❤️ thank you @watkinswisdom for being the best publisher a girl could have and @belllomaxmoreton my agent for all the support, could not have done this with you 🙏🏻