Cambridge Soul Midwife / Private Nurse

15/07/2024

Dying is a process, not an event, you don’t have to be in the room at the last breath for your presence to matter 💌

One of the things I am realizing people struggle with most is not being at the bedside when that last breath is taken. Some people are miles and miles away, some went home to shower or sleep, and some stepped away to make a call or get another cup of coffee. And almost everyone who misses that last....

12/07/2024

Victorians coped with death by creating totemic symbols and cultural artifacts to reflect Memento Mori, meaning “remember, you must die.”

11/05/2024

✨Expected Death ~ When someone dies, the first thing to do is nothing. Don't run out and call the nurse. Don't pick up the phone. Take a deep breath and be present to the magnitude of the moment.

There's a grace to being at the bedside of someone you love as they make their transition out of this world. At the moment they take their last breath, there's an incredible sacredness in the space. The veil between the worlds opens.

We're so unprepared and untrained in how to deal with death that sometimes a kind of panic response kicks in. "They're dead!"

We knew they were going to die, so their being dead is not a surprise. It's not a problem to be solved. It's very sad, but it's not cause to panic.

If anything, their death is cause to take a deep breath, to stop, and be really present to what's happening. If you're at home, maybe put on the kettle and make a cup of tea.

Sit at the bedside and just be present to the experience in the room. What's happening for you? What might be happening for them? What other presences are here that might be supporting them on their way? Tune into all the beauty and magic.

Pausing gives your soul a chance to adjust, because no matter how prepared we are, a death is still a shock. If we kick right into "do" mode, and call 911, or call the hospice, we never get a chance to absorb the enormity of the event.

Give yourself five minutes or 10 minutes, or 15 minutes just to be. You'll never get that time back again if you don't take it now.

After that, do the smallest thing you can. Call the one person who needs to be called. Engage whatever systems need to be engaged, but engage them at the very most minimal level. Move really, really, really, slowly, because this is a period where it's easy for body and soul to get separated.

Our bodies can gallop forwards, but sometimes our souls haven't caught up. If you have an opportunity to be quiet and be present, take it. Accept and acclimatize and adjust to what's happening. Then, as the train starts rolling, and all the things that happen after a death kick in, you'll be better prepared.

You won't get a chance to catch your breath later on. You need to do it now.

Being present in the moments after death is an incredible gift to yourself, it's a gift to the people you're with, and it's a gift to the person who's just died. They're just a hair's breadth away. They're just starting their new journey in the world without a body. If you keep a calm space around their body, and in the room, they're launched in a more beautiful way. It's a service to both sides of the veil.

Credit for the beautiful words ~ Sarah Kerr, Ritual Healing Practitioner and Death Doula , Death doula
Her original video link is here ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7mG0ZAym0w

Beautiful art by Columbus Community Deathcare
Always With Love

05/05/2024

🌍Today is international day of the midwife.
💫To midwife is to deliver.
💧Many people believe it is caring for the baby, but infact the main role is to care for the person birthing.

🫧This birth also happens in death. It is a process that is very similar stages of transition.
🌪️The Soul Midwife guides the persons soul through the dying process onwards to the place that person believes they will go to.
🌬️Soul midwives are non denominational holistic practitioners and meet people where they are at at every stage of life.
🌺 We are all somewhere in our life cycle, death is all around us. In nature, in seasons, in science.
👁️ Awareness to our environment and the natural stages we go through in life will enlighten, guide, support and empower us.

🥀 Next week is Dying Matters awareness week so be prepared for more posts from me, on the wonder of life and how to prepare that…

🪷We are all mortal.

13/04/2024

Companion voices - singing at the end of life.
This I have witnessed and been part of and it is indeed very moving.

02/04/2024

With age, comes wisdom.
With wisdom, selflessness.
With selflessness, reward.
With reward, gratitude.
With gratitude, peace.
With peace we all die better.

14/01/2024

Apparently due to infringements I have made my page will be deleted !
I think it’s a scam but if I disappear you know why!

24/12/2023

Grief at Christmas.

23/12/2023

16/12/2023

I really hope like birth dates, that people in the afterlife ( yes, if there is one, whatever you believe ) find a bond in the date they died. Like a kinship, a connection & take care of each other.
For today I know my wise & caring friend Elke Hecker who sadly died 6 years ago on December 16th will be looking after 2 very special little angels. 💙💙

02/12/2023

You can still be smiling, laughing & grieving.
Love and loss isn’t always what it looks like. ✨💓

Please complete this form to order your Cafe Pack/s Cost: £20 per pack including P&P Click here to make payment via our GoFundMe page

28/11/2023

Here’s some tips to how you can get through the holiday season with grief still raw or part of your everyday life.

The holiday season hurts. That's just reality. ⁣Whether you're missing someone who should be part of the festivities, or you are missing someone who shared your love of quiet acknowledgment over raucous partying - whatever grief you're carrying - this season will add to it.

But there are ways to make it gentler for yourself.⁣
⁣
Please remember, whatever you choose to do (or not do) this holiday season, staying true to yourself is important.

To the best of your ability, seek out those places that companion your sadness, and avoid those places that ask you to pretend you are something other than you are. Life is too short for that. Make this season as much of a comfort to you as you can.⁣
⁣
May your holiday season (or non-holiday, depending) be as safe and full of love and connection as it can be.

How about you? What are your strategies for making this time of year gentler on yourself? Others in this community can use your ideas.

15/11/2023

What is grief ? And how does it change ?
How do I live with this grief I carry around?

10/11/2023

This is what we in the “normalising dying world” are talking about to make death & dying part of life and living, bringing the human part back.
The human touch is so important.
Poppys funerals really do create a goodbye to aspire to.

Stacey tackles the subject of death by following a century-old funeral director's.

10/11/2023

When I am gone, do not fear my memory.

Do not be afraid to speak my name or look through old photographs.

Do not be scared to play old videos so that you might hear my voice and see me laughing.

Do not be wary of visiting my favourite places or eating my favourite foods or singing along to my favourite songs.

I know it will hurt. Those memories will remind you that I am gone.

They will stab at you like a knife in an open, gaping wound. Raw, excruciating pain.

But after a while the knife will become less sharp, the wound will become less open and the pain will become less raw.

And those memories will remind you that I was here.

That I lived.

Do not reduce my life to my death.

Speak my name, hear my voice, sing my favourite songs and visit my favourite places.

Because that’s how I can stay alive a little.

Right here with you 🧡

******

Becky Hemsley 2022
Artwork by the incredible Belle Flores

'When I Am Gone' is from the book of the same name
https://a.co/d/8R8rlinh

10/11/2023

I attended a beautiful church funeral yesterday of someone whose family I supported during the last year of their life.
Knowing someone only during the last year can be hard as you never got to know them while they were living their best life.
So attending a funeral is important as you get to hear about their life in the sacred space of saying goodbye with all those who loved them.
The coldness of the church was biting. The words spoken were heart warming.
The starkness of the grief at the graveside was deafening as people stood shivering, with the reality of the family’s grief laid bare as the coffin was lowered into the ground.
Something more raw and bare than I have ever felt in a warm crematorium away from the elements.

There was something that really brought the loss home to everyone as we stood cold and silent in nature.

But it’s what is sometimes needed. To really honour that grief.
To really feel the loss for the family and friends.

It’s not my loss. Not my grief.
But I felt it.
And that’s why I continue to be as kind and as caring as I can be for people who need support.

Rest In Peace Mr G.
Saying goodbye is never easy.

24/10/2023

During the dying process people don’t WIN or LOSE, GIVE UP or TURN THEIR FACE TO THE WALL.
Using phrases MUST end.
The fatigue of dying is ( hugely underestimated ) immense and whilst some people have such strength to desperately try to stay in this world, ultimately the physical process takes over. It’s NATURE not a FAILURE.

The body is BEING in an inevitable process, the human is not choosing what it is DOING.

Please never describe death as losing the fight, losing the battle. When a person dies with cancer- the cancer dies with them. People die of many different conditions, they die, they didn’t lose the fight. Most people approaching death, make a choice to stop treatment, they didn’t give up or stop fighting, they knew their body was tierd, they wanted to die with dignity, they made a choice and they died.
They did not give up and they did not lose.

23/10/2023

Never a truer word represented.
Be happy with what you are doing today, and if it isn’t making you happy think about why. 🤷🏼‍♀️✨

27/09/2023

Love a Stacey Dooley documentary. Here’s hoping she can show us what we don’t need to fear about death. 💕

We’re pleased to reveal that we have been welcoming a very special guest to the A.W. Lymn business over recent weeks…

BBC presenter Stacey Dooley has been filming across our business with her team for a new documentary commissioned by BBC Factual, to uncover what goes on behind the scenes at a funeral directors.

The ground-breaking programme, called Stacey Dooley: Inside the Undertakers, sees Stacey spend around a week immersed in our family business facing her fear of death head on. She got involved in our day-to-day work to discover more about what we do – from arranging funerals to making coffins, learning more about embalming to carving elaborate headstones.

Stacey said: “Death is a topic that’s openly discussed in many other cultures, even celebrated in some instances, yet I am so awkwardly British about the whole thing.

“It is, of course, inevitable, and that’s why I wanted to really explore exactly what happens when we do die.

“This access allows us to ponder the bigger questions surrounding life, as well as witness the practical logistics of a funeral. I’d like to thank every family member who has allowed us to document their story. I’m so grateful.”

Look out for the documentary later this year on iPlayer - we can’t wait for you to see it and hear your feedback.

📷 credit Geoff Kirby Photography

22/09/2023

17/09/2023

The fascinating age of railways carrying the dead to their final resting place.
Not so far from here.

When London's burial grounds started to overflow, a rail route began for mourners - and their dead.

15/09/2023

Let’s think about that.
And then just live life.

Love this take on “pushing up the daisies”

"I will die. You will die. We will all die and the universe will carry on without care. All that we have is that shout into the wind - how we live. How we go. And how we stand before we fall."

By Pierce Brown, Golden Son

(Book: Golden Son https://amzn.to/3Pvmo4p)

Art Credit: Lily Padula

03/09/2023

An absolutely beautiful evening visiting the Woodland Burial ground at Barton in Cambridgeshire, walking and talking with a special lady. This place has so much meaning when there is a story to hear at the same time. Followed by the super moon 🌕 ( not my photo )

03/09/2023

For each guest to bring a flower wouldnt this be just so lovely and personal.
Perhaps a flower that reminds of the person or has a special meaning to you.
Let’s be the change we want to see. 🌺💐🌹🌼🌻

13/08/2023

Move in the circles of those who feed your soul and look after the important things 💗

There are countless individuals who work in service to the highest calling, to the benefit of this world. Medical workers, soul midwives, funeral operatives, arrangers and workers of all kinds, celebrants, ministers, bereavement officers, counsellors, educators - to name just a few in my realm of work. These incredible people do what they do, everyday, humbly, often quietly and sometimes unseen. Their service to others is a sacred contract & purpose - they have no need to boast or brag or 'highlight' how special they and their 'work' is. We are all connected, we are one. The love and divinity of which we are all physical manifestations, resonates with each act of these 'everyday angels' - uplifting us all. 💖 deep gratitude and respect.