08/12/2025
I think what makes the mum guilt hit so much harder for people like us is that we usually didn’t grow up with regulated parents. We grew up with yelling, big emotions, and little to no repair… so the second we snap, it’s like this huge wave of “oh god, I never want my child to feel the way I did.”
For me, this morning was a perfect mix of every slow trigger for emotional dysregulation happening at once: we were running late, I was hungry, stressed and tired, there was loud screaming, and also didn’t hav any coffee or water yet… 😭
I tried to hold it together but eventually I snapped and felt so guilty for it.
But the thing that I keep trying to remind myself of is:
the difference isn’t whether you ever snap (because literally every parent does).
It’s the how often it happens, to what extend and most importantly how you repair afterwards.
I apologised, she apologised, we hugged it out, I validated her feelings, and I made sure she knew that the way I spoke wasn’t okay and she didn’t deserve that. And that’s the thing we often didn’t get when we were kids.
Be kind with yourself if you can relate.
You’re breaking cycles even on the tough days.
Dont get me wrong, it still makes me feel horrible when I lose my calm but I need to remember that I am not my parents.
We’re not repeating the same story. We’re literally doing the part they never or very rarely did: showing repair, connection, accountability and learning and growing with them.
