23/11/2025
ADHD parenting is 50% teaching your child a skill and 50% trying to remember the skill yourself 🙈 but tbh so much of it is also cycle breaking… and that part is harder than anyone talks about.
I grew up in a very authoritarian environment where we had strict rules, big emotions weren’t allowed (at least not things like anger) and speaking up or making bad choices resulted in punishments… and tbh it really didn’t work for my ADHD brain. It made me shut down, mask constantly, and live in this quiet fear of getting things wrong while always feeling too much and not enough at the same time. I know my parents love me and they raised me with the best of their abilities but now, as a mum myself, I’m trying to do things differently. I want to give her a childhood that feels softer and safer than mine ever did. But I’d be lying if I said it’s as easy or simple as deciding to just parent differently. It’s about unlearning the reactions that were wired into me long before I understood them.
There are often moments where I can feel old patterns resurfacing. Where the impatience, the tension, the perfectionism creeps in when my brain is tired or overstimulated. And where I have to actively remind myself that she doesn’t need the strictness I grew up with - she needs connection and presence. And definitely not my perfectionism. And as much as I want to always be calm and regulated, the truth is I sometimes need a break, or a breather, or a moment to reset so I don’t repeat the things that never worked for me.
Cycle breaking with ADHD isn’t neat or gentle every time. It’s messy and intentional and full of those tiny split seconds where you choose a different response than the one you were taught. But every time I pause instead of snap, soften instead of shut down, and repair instead of shame, I feel like I’m rewriting something important. For her and for me -and that makes all the effort worth it (even though it can be as exhausting and frustrating as it is worth it). And trust me I often still get it wrong. After all, I’m trying to let go of the inner perfectionist myself.
Ps: RIP my back here lol
