Dr Nemani D L

17/11/2025

The Perseverance of Marriage: A Case for Holding the Line

The fantasy is a common one for an unhappy spouse. You sit on the porch, sipping on lemongrass tea, tasting the idea of freedom, of a life focused on your own needs, of a new start. You're pondering what it would be like to leave after so many years, to finally be free from the person who "annoys you to the ends of the earth." The idea is appealing. You feel you want it, you need it. And yet, despite that powerful urge, it might not be the right decision. At least, not yet. Unless you are facing abuse, serial infidelity, or a severe addiction; situations that often require an immediate exit for your safety and sanity, the impulse to leave must be considered mindfully and slowly.

I am not a marriage crisis manager. But as a clinician, my work involves listening to hundreds of individuals and couples. I’ve seen the collateral damage of stress on the human body, psyche, and spirit, and I’ve seen too many couples divorce prematurely, unnecessarily, and ridiculously, often because one person reaches a crescendo of temporary stress they mistake for a permanent verdict. This is not an editorial to speak lesser of anyone who is divorced. You have every right to make decisions for your own life. If you are already divorced, please know that you are loved, and I hope you have found, or will find, the peace and partnership you deserve.

I am simply writing this as an opinion piece, to share why I, as an imperfect person myself, value this institution so deeply. Shedding someone you feel drags you down is complicated. There will be collateral damage. The fantasy of an "amicable divorce" where you can "still be friends" is, almost certainly, just that, a fantasy. The reality is far more painful. A good friend shared her experience. Ten years ago, she was preparing to leave her husband. He was neglectful, a workaholic, controlling, and disrespectful. It wasn't a safe place for her heart. She begged him to change, but he never did. She hit rock bottom and asked him to move out. Today, many years later, she regrets it.

And she is not alone. One study by a divorce therapist found that 50 percent of divorced individuals regretted their decision years later, and 68 percent wished they had tried harder. As one of my own clients told me after their divorce, "Nothing turned out as I’d hoped. I’m lonely and so unhappy." This is why I urge you to slow down. You don't have to decide today. Sometimes the separation can be a shock to the system. The fantasy of a new start often dissolves when faced with the cold reality of a quiet home. Seeing your children react to such a seismic change will break your heart.

Before you make an irreversible decision, the most powerful thing you can do is look inward. What is your part in the breakdown? Why could have been done? This self-reflection is nearly impossible if an infatuation or affair is present. If you are in that situation, you are high on a drug that muddies your thinking. It makes wise, long-term decisions impossible.

We must remember the true reality of marriage. For me, marriage is a gift from God to us; the quality of our marriage is our gift back to him. It was never meant to be a state of constant, peaceful bliss. When you add the complexities of culture, aspirations, finances, and children, life will get complicated, and at times, dysfunctional.

But a love that lasts isn't about the absence of problems. It's about the presence of commitment. It’s two people who keep choosing each other, even when it’s hard. It’s grace when you’re tired, patience when you’re frustrated, and laughter when life feels heavy. It is the shared understanding that storms do not mean the journey is over; they mean it is time to hold the line, together.

Marriage isn’t built on perfection. It’s built on perseverance, prayer, and partnership. A successful marriage is not two perfect people. It is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

By Nemani Delaibatiki Lalanabaravi

05/11/2025

- "When you focus on whats important, it becomes irrelevant what other people think, because you see the bigger picture and you know you are here ...

05/11/2025

THE RED CAR THEORY: Ever notice that the moment you think about buying a specific red car, you suddenly see it everywhere? It's not magic, and the number of red cars hasn't changed. You have.

This is the "Red Car Theory" (or Frequency Illusion), and it's a powerful look at how your brain is wired.

Your brain has an incredible filtering system called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It acts as a gatekeeper, protecting your conscious mind from being overwhelmed by filtering out billions of bits of "irrelevant" information—like the hum of your fan or, until recently, red cars.

The moment you decided that red car was important, you gave your brain a new command. You "programmed" your filter to see it. This is why the phrase "what you focus on, expands" is literally true.

You are actively telling your brain what to look for, and in doing so, you change the world you perceive. You don't see objective reality; you see the reality your brain has been primed to find.

So, the question is: What are you training your brain to see today? Opportunities or obstacles?

05/11/2025

I never want my children to think, "I can't tell Mom and Dad—they'll get mad." I want their very first thought to be, "I need to tell Mom and Dad. They will know what to do."

That single shift in thinking is the foundation of everything. Our children will make mistakes. They will face highs and lows. Our job isn't to prevent them from ever falling, but to be the safe harbor they return to when they do.

A parent's consistent love and support is a powerful shield for a child. It’s not just "nice to have"—it is essential. When a child feels truly secure with you, they aren't just getting love. They are building:

*Self-Esteem: They feel valued for who they are, not just for their successes.
*Emotional Regulation: They learn to trust and manage their feelings because they can talk about them openly with you.
*Resilience: They know they have a team to fall back on, which gives them the courage to get back up.

This bond is what protects them. A strong parent-child relationship is directly linked to lower rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. It influences their future relationships and their own self-worth.

Let's make our homes a place where our arms are always wide open. A place where our children know, without a single doubt, that our LOVE for them is bigger than any mistake they could ever make. That is how a relationship founded on LOVE looks. That is the goal. ❤️

By Nemani Delaibatiki Lalanabaravi

30/10/2025

A MESSAGE TO ALL PARENTS FOR OUR CHILDREN:

Sometimes it's so easy as parents to forget that our children are allowed to make mistakes as well. It’s so easy to forget, when we see those little hands clench and hear the tears start to flow, that we are looking at a whole person in a small body.

They are just trying to figure out this giant, loud, confusing world with a brand new heart and a mind that's still learning. They are allowed to have big, messy feelings. They are allowed to dislike things. They are allowed to get overwhelmed and "lose it."

Before we rush to correct them, maybe we should ask ourselves: How often do we, as grown adults, struggle to handle our own frustrations and disappointments? How often do we wish someone would just give us grace? And show us some love.

Let's be their grace and show them love they deserve.

These children are the most precious gift we will ever be entrusted with. They aren't ours to keep forever. They are a sacred trust, a piece of heaven on loan from God. And when you are handed something so divine, you don't break it. You don't demand perfection.

You hold it gently. You protect it. You treasure it. You LOVE it

06/10/2025

This isn't a marriage post. This is about the individual who is my best friend, my wife. She has this incredible way of making me want to work harder and see things in myself I never knew existed. She doesn't have to say a word; her actions, her grace, and her spirit show me everything. I’m not perfect, but she stands by me through all my growth and my many mistakes, reflecting a strength I can only admire. Something we can all learn from her.

Her presence has taught me one of the most powerful lessons in life, to live in the present. In the NOW. And that makes me think of everyone out there on their own journey. Whether you are married, divorced, solo parenting, with a partner, single, or just trying to figure life out, you are worth it, right now, exactly as you are. Keep pushing forward.

Maybe you’re a solo mom or dad who had kids before you were ready. Maybe you stumbled in a way that others judge. Remember your worth it. Sometimes we stereotype those who fall differently than we do, not realizing that a simple act of empathy, showing love is the first step in someone’s healing. We forget that when we kick someone who is already down, we are denying them the chance to see their own reflection and realize their true value is the same as ours.

When God shows us a mirror, it’s to remind us that our worth is constant, regardless of what life throws at us. You are a King or a Queen, created by a supreme being in his own image. That makes you ROYALTY, special, and deserving to be here. Let’s stop writing people off based on their stumbles. So, for those you have loved in the past, thank them for being part of your journey. They played a part in who you are today. And for the person you are with NOW, be grateful for them. Love them with everything you have, because they need you, your LOVE, today.

Today, I will love the woman in front of me with all my heart and soul. While we can’t control what the future may bring, I can control what I do today. And today, while I still can, I will choose to show up for her, like she always shows up for me.

Photo: Throwback to 2005

11/09/2025

When political disagreement turns into violence, we lose something fundamental to our nation. The recent tragedies involving Charlie Kirk and Representative Melissa Hortman two months ago, are devastating reminders of this. Two leaders with opposing views, both taken from their families by senseless acts.

This cannot be our new normal. The freedom to voice an opinion without the threat of violence is essential to who we are. Today, I’m not thinking about party lines; I’m thinking about their children and the communities they served.

How do we lower the temperature in our country? How do we get back to a place where we can debate ideas passionately but peacefully? We have to start somewhere. Let's start by remembering our shared humanity.

03/09/2025

YOU are Worth it.

- "When you focus on whats important, it becomes irrelevant what other people think, because you see the bigger picture and you know you are here ...

03/09/2025

A Life Changing Experience: We moved to Fiji from California, USA, over 5 years ago and loved every minute of it. Just moved back to the 🇺🇸 last year, but those Fiji memories still hold a special place in our hearts. Do stay tuned for more insights about our experiences.

26/08/2025

The World is Our Oyster, But We Must Break the Shell Ourselves:

As a proud Fijian and Pacific Islander, and from my own experience, I’ve seen a quiet struggle play out across our beautiful islands. A conflict that happens not on the rugby field or in the halls of government, but within our own minds. It's the silent battle between our immense potential and our self-limiting beliefs. Too often, because of our own fears of failure and how we might be perceived by others, we talk ourselves out of opportunities that we might excel in, if only we had the courage to try.

From a young age, the path to success is often presented as a narrow, well trodden trail leading to one of three destinations. Our families, with the best intentions, push our children to become lawyers, pilots, or doctors. These are noble professions, worthy of respect, but they are often prized more for the notoriety they bring within the community than for their alignment with a child’s true passion or talent. This "prestige trap" inadvertently teaches a damaging lesson, and that is, that any other path is somehow a lesser one, and it is not. It creates a culture where the fear of not meeting a narrow, prescribed expectation can be paralyzing.

But an even heavier anchor holds us back: the deep-seated fear of what others will think. In our close knit communities, where family and reputation are everything, the thought of failing publicly can be terrifying. This fear causes us to shrink, to play it safe. We talk ourselves out of starting a new business, pursuing a creative talent, or taking a job that seems unconventional, all because we are more worried about the possibility of shame than we are excited by the possibility of success. We forget that failure is not a final judgment but simply a lesson on the path to growth.

We must realize that the world is filled with countless examples of people who have built incredible lives and careers without a formal university degree. This is not because education isn't important, it is vitally so. But education is not confined to the four walls of a classroom. True learning comes from experience, from resilience, and from the courage to take a stab at any opportunity that comes your way. The plumber, carpenter, boat builder, even farmers who builds a business that employs a dozen people, the artist whose work shares our culture with the world, the tech entrepreneur who learns to sell online, the stay at home parent with a catering business, these are all stories of profound success.

The world truly is our oyster, but an oyster shell is useless if we never find the strength to pry it open. That strength comes from within. Before we can conquer the world, we must first work on ourselves, on our mindsets. We must teach ourselves and our children that our worth is not tied to a specific job title and that failure is a badge of honor for those who dare to try. We must cultivate a mindset that allows us to face anything, to attack every opportunity we come across, and to never, ever be afraid of the journey.

By Dr Nemani Delaibatiki Lalanabaravi, DC, BSc

10/08/2025

The true essence of being a leader.

06/08/2025

Feel honored. I'm still trying to find the right words. I am so incredibly grateful and moved to have been chosen by my peers for the International Chiropractor Alumnus of the Year Award 2024.

To my wife Tonya and five children, fellow Life Alumnus colleagues and friends in the USA and around the world—thank you. Your support, camaraderie, and shared passion for healing are what make this profession so special. To be recognized by you is the highest honor I could imagine.

Accepting this award isn't just a personal achievement; it feels like a celebration of the amazing global chiropractic family we are all a part of. I’m so excited to continue serving our communities together for many years to come.

With immense gratitude, thank you all! Vinaka Vakalevu