12/15/2022
I must preface this message with the certainty that I do not hold anyone responsible, nor do I cast blame on anyone. I believe others’ actions are out of my control, and I am only accountable for how I react and respond.
Flesh Prison (FP) was founded in 2018 by myself and my brother *Joseph. At that time, we were living in Los Angeles and being exposed to an industry that was not always advantageous to the artist. We intended to create a platform for artists, our piers, where they could benefit financially by receiving support from like-minded folk. We felt as if labels were putting their bottom line above that, then the artists and were contracted to receive only a variable portion of their royalties, licensing, sync, etc. Particularly long-standing contracts that claimed ownership of one’s master recordings for ridiculous amounts of time when the agreement often was made at a time when these artists were shocked even to receive $1000 from a label. Joseph had spent ten years living and working in Los Angeles. By proxy, I was also able to see first-hand that musicians with mental health and substance abuse issues (often stemming from the conditions of touring without the proper support) and the downtime when you are not working (which can be months at a time), and dealing with other people who can be completely blind and insensitive to any health issues at large.
Life happens, and I didn’t release anything on Flesh Prison until 2021 when we unearthed the first archived audio recording from Charlemagne Palestine. Many of my friends collaborated on the label then, and we met regularly to make decisions and work on various production aspects. On the second outing, partly due to the excitement we were experiencing on social media, we were over-jealous here in Montreal, producing over 1000 tapes quickly. In hindsight, we didn’t have the resources to grow that quickly, and there were several quality issues with the audio. We resolved that issue by adding six Marantz duplicators and listening (real-time) to every duplication. Simultaneously, we encountered long mail delays and tracking issues due to the global pandemic. At this point, everything was being shipped from Canada, and aside from 3 Canadian orders, everything was international, resulting in unprecedented lag delivery times.
When we discovered the very few defective audio orders – we did our best to remediate the situation with professionally dubbed replacements and refunds on request. These technical difficulties were used to direct unwarranted and false narratives targeted directly at me. The aspect that concerned me the most was that these accusations publicly attacked my struggles with addiction and were heavily triggering and seemingly random. This public lashing also indicated my family, which was intolerable for me.
At the time of these very public social media attacks, I was clean and in a program for over three years. During this period, I spent a lot of time healing and away from my previous self-destructive lifestyle; I would say I was doing well. I was functioning, able, balanced, and doing my best to avoid non-destructive behaviours. Thankfully the tools I learned in my early recovery initially helped me with this public ousting, but there were ramifications; the prominent social media backlash, and legal and financial issues, derailing my attempts to receive government funding grants. While at this time, I did not resort to using opioids, my addictive tendencies surfaced. I started to detach from my personal and “professional” relationships and lost interest in my environment and physical and mental health. Guilt and shame leaked in, affecting my psyche, especially my confidence, worthiness, and purpose. FACT = I have thin skin, and without daily maintenance, I can lose focus on what’s important to me and very quickly become overwhelmed and drown in hopelessness. And so, the cycle begins – I lost some really important relationships in my mind, I lost my home, my cats (!!) and henceforth the character assassination and desperation.
I am not trying to play the victim by any means; I just set some facts. I totally utterly defeated, insecure, displaced, and humiliated. My behaviours included heavy isolation, lack of omission, and elusiveness, as I spent most of my days sleeping. Over a few lonely months and pivotal events, my close friends' + my mothers' concern, support and love helped me find my way to the psychiatry ward for a considerably long stint. Among other things, this was a valdating experience where I received proper treatment and gained a perspective that I had lost - and a new lease on life. There are many aftercare plans that I look forward to participating in.
As for FP, I am taking steps after posting the remaining artist copies’, I owe many conversations which include amends and posting outstanding mail over, and I will need 2 weeks to do this; I will be posting the last batch of releases and information on my release plans for the year. I am not going to let my initial wrongdoings define the course. I have some amends to make. I will not apologize for being human. I appreciate the faith, patience and similar universal, timeless approach to releasing records which can join me in taking the proper care and time to stay true to the vision.
I cannot fail to mention that I received support from artists we previously worked with, some distros and other labels, who know me well enough to see the truth and how sensitive I may be to it. This was massive and overwhelming at points. I also received several apologies for what I considered natural and understanding responses to participating in what was presented as unfavourable. Thank you. You know who you are, and I am thankful for you.
Please note that *I have not been able to reach Joseph in several months, nor his family in North Vancouver and his phone number is cancelled, as well as his social media accounts. Please get me in touch or pass on this message. I would be eternally grateful
Videography, concept and editing by Mixcki Mai.
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